I was thinking about Lion’s impending doom on the spanking bench tonight, and it made me wonder if there should be a difference between punishment spankings and maintenance (just because) spankings. We decided they should be the same, but I’m not so sure. Hear me out.
In either case, Lion is “making” me spank him. I should technically be just as annoyed at having to give him a punishment spanking as I am to give him a maintenance spanking. (It annoys me because I don’t like hurting him, and it gives me another chore to do.) Initially, I was thinking I should be more annoyed about a punishment spanking because he’s actually done something to earn it. He broke a rule, dammit. Now I have to punish him. However, now I’m wondering if the maintenance spanking shouldn’t annoy me more. He didn’t do a damn thing, but I still have to spank him. Sheesh!
The whole purpose of just because swats were to get me used to spanking him and to improve my technique. I think it’s probably working. I’ve been concentrating on the overall redness, but I can just as easily go for red and bruising. The only question is whether punishment and non-punishment swats should be the same. Well, it’s my question. Lion is happy with them being the same.
I guess, in the overall scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if they’re the same because they can never truly be the same. One session might result in a red Lion butt all over. The next might produce a bruise and an inability to sit without some discomfort. Apparently, I’ve answered my own question. Do me a favor and remind me when I rehash this topic in the future. It will save us both a lot of time.
Taboos are fascinating to examine. The first one to consider is that it is taboo to think about taboos. It’s off-limits to challenge those instinctive fences we put around certain behaviors. The most puzzling to me involves selective rejection. Consider homosexuality. I have a penis, and I am very fond of it. Yet I don’t want to enjoy another guy’s weenie. If I like mine, why wouldn’t I like a friend’s? It isn’t logical. I’m an expert on how to make a penis have a good time, but I have a visceral dislike of using that skill on someone else’s.
On the other hand, I don’t have a vagina. It’s a rather mysterious part of a female. I am drawn to it like a magnet attracts nails. Wouldn’t you think that I would find the familiar, comfortable territory of penises more appealing? My attraction to the vagina is easy to understand. Nature programmed me to seek them out. Did nature also program me to avoid penises?
A lot of people want to think that’s true. We have divine instructions to seek out the opposite sex. Any deviation is a clear indication of a disease that needs to be stamped out. They also think mail-in ballots are obvious signs of election fraud. We can’t deny that evolution inclines us to seek reproductive sex. We also can’t deny that throughout history, a large number of people prefer same-sex fun.
There is no reason why a person can’t enjoy both penises and vaginas when you think about it. Each has a unique appeal. Could it be that nature couldn’t care less which sex organs we prefer to entertain? Obviously, a reasonably large number of us need to enjoy the opposite sex. We all agree that assures the continuation of the species. What harm is there in dipping our toes into same-sex water?
We have a deep fear and dislike of people who are different. Jerry Kosinski’s The Painted Bird is a disturbing and excellent exploration of this black part of us all. Certainly, there is comfort being with people who look and think like ourselves. That comfort is often confused to mean it is wrong to be with others. Unscrupulous politicians have capitalized on this fear of difference to take control of nations. Adolf Hitler is the most glaring in recent history. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the last. The former US president spent full time cultivating fear and hate of people who didn’t support him.
It’s so easy to reject differences. Even people like us, who break many sexual taboos, are guilty of this. The best way to avoid falling into this trap is to apply logic to test our gut feelings. For example, what would happen to me if I sucked another man’s penis? Would I throw up my lunch? Would I be poisoned? Of course not. Mrs. Lion has fed me my own semen many times. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t get sick. Do I want to suck another man? Nope. Do I want to eat my own semen? Nope, too. So what?
Let’s look at the larger world. In a nation of over 350 million people, will one million immigrants threaten my job? Possible, but unlikely. Is it scary enough to build a multi-billion dollar wall to try to keep them out? I don’t think so. It’s the same as sucking cock. I would rather not do it, but it isn’t going to hurt me if I have to.
Am I hurt if another man likes same-sex activities? I can’t see how. Will socializing with him cause me to turn gay? Puleeze! Reason is the enemy of discrimination and taboos. It’s so much easier just to react than it is to think and analyze. Demagogues rely on people reacting without thinking. If you can accept that I let Mrs. Lion spank me, I can accept that you like to suck dick. To each his own!
I just spent a few hours mowing the lawn and adding fencing for the dog. After I put the last connector in for the fence, I realized I blocked off the area needed to park the truck beside the camper. Oh, well. Not a big deal. I can live with the truck being in the driveway. Lion, however, pointed out that the car needs to live there while we’re off camping. Damn. That’s a job for next week. It would just annoy me right now.
We didn’t play last night. Dinner was very filling and then the dog needed attention. It was 9 before I got anywhere near Lion. He said he wasn’t horny at that point but he had been earlier. So today we’ll get an earlier start. It may even be before dinner. I’m not promising. If I promise then something usually interferes. There are many things that could interfere. Let’s not tempt fate.
I hope Lion enjoyed his mini vacation from just because spankings. They are set to resume tomorrow night. We’ve both been so tired, he hasn’t been breaking rules and, even if he had, I wouldn’t have caught him. I don’t think I’ve regressed. I’m confident that I can pick up a paddle and take up right where I left off last spanking. Although, Lion said I was a little too high last time. Being too high or too low can cause problems. I don’t want to hurt Lion. I need to swat him right in the chubby cheeks. Or that would be true if Lion had chubby cheeks. My goal is anywhere between the top of his crack to just below his cheeks. Normally I don’t have any trouble limiting myself to that area. I think I was overcompensating for Lion’s suggestion that I hit higher.
Many years ago, I used to cane Lion. That has an even narrower target area. It made me very nervous. I don’t know how much it would hurt him if I strayed outside the safe zone, but I didn’t want to find out. I know there are people who don’t abide by Lion’s small target area. I’ve seen videos of canings that go down onto the thighs and up onto the back. Either they’re doing it wrong or Lion knows he doesn’t want to be hit that far from center. I’m just glad I can’t hurt him as much by spanking him.
Yesterday, my post was about the advice I would give as a sex therapist to a couple where the man would like to play with male chastity. I didn’t talk about why a man would want this. I’m sure it’s especially puzzling to a woman when this subject is introduced. I think it would be helpful to look at male sexuality in general.
There is a big difference between the male and female approach to sex. Yes, both sexes like it. Orgasms are great fun to both men and women. The conversation usually ends at this point. It isn’t necessary to delve deeper for most people. Sexual incompatibilities usually center around one partner wanting more sex than the other. The word “sex” in this context is more accurately described as “orgasms.” Negotiating an acceptable compromise is a major task for anyone trying to fix this problem.
That doesn’t go near one of the biggest sexual differences between men and women. Men are genetically driven to ejaculate every time they have sex. All male mammals are in heat almost all of the time. Females, other than primates, only go into heat when they are in estrus, able to be impregnated. At those times, they are as driven to mate as the males. Nature avoids sexual chaos by programming the males so that they don’t go crazy for sex until they smell a female in heat. The important distinction is that females are only interested in sex when they are in estrus. A male is ready anytime he smells a female in heat.
Primates are different. Sex isn’t just for reproduction. It’s also for communication and bonding between mates. The fundamental distinction is that male humans are as drive to ejaculation as their lower-order brothers. We are programmed to eject semen every time we are sexually stimulated. Women want and enjoy orgasms but are built to enjoy sex without a happy ending. I’m not claiming that women don’t want to come. They certainly do. They don’t share the same urgency we males feel.
Male chastity, especially when accompanied by edging, is very difficult for most of us to accept. Left on our own, we would probably masturbate after an edging session at the first available opportunity. When women understand this, they can very effectively play the male chastity game. They can also understand why a male chastity device is an important training aid.
Yesterday, I suggested moving masturbation into the light as a useful introduction to orgasm control. Both sexes generally think of masturbation as a private behavior. You only do it when alone and undisturbed. On some level, most of us are embarrassed when someone learns we masturbate. Most people even hide it from their sexual partners. Why?
Maybe there is concern that the partner will disapprove. I won’t go into the myriad religious and social conventions that teach us that it’s wrong to masturbate. Most of us bend those conventions to mean that it is wrong to get caught masturbating. Even kinky couples like Julie and David from strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com spank each other if caught masturbating. They are playing with the social taboo, but it illustrates my point. It isn’t wrong to jerk off. It’s wrong to get caught.
Mrs. Lion considers masturbation as a form of sexual cheating. She believes that our marriage vows say that she owns all of my orgasms. I own all of hers too. Masturbating is having an orgasm with someone else. When I asked her to lock me in a male chastity device, she wanted to know why. I told her that it would prevent me from masturbating. She was very surprised. She had no idea I jerked off. When I told her that I did it a couple of times a week, she was upset. Her first rule for me was that I could never masturbate again. The male chastity device stayed on for three years. It came off for a while when I had shoulder surgery and went right back on afterward.
Wearing the device assured her I couldn’t get myself off. After all those years, I was conditioned not to masturbate. I’m not suggesting that every couple do the same. My suggestion is that sex of any kind always be performed when the partners are together. If there is separation due to travel, then separate masturbation is allowed only if openly discussed by both partners.
Secret sex is cheating. It’s that simple. If male masturbation is permitted, I suggest it is only performed in front of the other partner. Sex is private for a couple. It should never be hidden from a sexual partner. That’s our rule. I haven’t jerked off since January 2014. For the record, I did it while Mrs. Lion watched.
There is one other significant sexual difference between men and women. It may explain why men sneak off and masturbate. Many men react negatively to being horny. This is particularly true of young men in their 20’s and 30’s. When they feel frustrated, they get grumpy. I know this was true of me. At the time, I wasn’t aware that I behaved this way. This is another instinctive behavior. Male mammals get aggressive when they sense a female in heat. Human males become irritable and argumentative.
I had a girlfriend back when I was in my twenties who understood this. She never talked about it with me, but she got me alone at the earliest opportunity and got me off when I was out of sorts. If she weren’t interested in fucking, she would give me a handjob or oral sex. It worked every time. I felt happier when she finished.
As I aged, the change in my behavior was much more subdued. An orgasm still worked to cheer me up. We, males, are simple critters. Frequently, marital arguments can be averted with a simple handjob. Male chastity flies in the face of this. One reason it won’t work for more than a weekend for the vast majority of men is that they become insufferable if they get too horny. Others, like me, learned to substitute cock teasing for orgasms. A nice edging session is just as satisfying to me as an ejaculation.
Maybe sneaking off and jerking off to porn is a way of sustaining emotional balance. I suspect it is for many guys. Moving this behavior into the bedroom with his partner present is a much better solution. When a woman understands how we males change when in heat, they can easily cure our moodiness and have fun at the same time.