One failed erection is nothing to apologize for. In the overall scheme of things, it’s not a big deal. To me, of course. To a guy, not being able to get it up can be catastrophic. Are my playboy days over? Am I no longer a man? Lion and I have been together for a long time. I don’t base his manhood on his, well, manhood. I certainly wouldn’t base it on one night.
Maybe he wasn’t really in the mood for ball bondage. Maybe he was really looking forward to my spanking experiment starting again and when I said I didn’t think it was necessary, a fantasy was gone. Of course it wasn’t necessary. None of this is really necessary. Air is necessary. Spanking experiments are not.
I could be oversimplifying. Perhaps he wasn’t fantasizing about the experiment. Maybe it was 8:27 pm and he thought it was too late to play. Maybe it was Friday night. Maybe it was 72 degrees in the house. It could have been anything. Or nothing. I don’t think we need to put too much importance on it. And yet, here I am, writing a post about it. Why? I don’t know.
Sometimes when I start out writing a post, I go way the hell off the rails before I get back on track. I started thinking about last night and how much of a big deal it wasn’t. I mean, why apologize to me? Shit happens. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve disappointed Lion by what I did or didn’t do for him. If you’ve been reading the blog from the beginning, you know we started male chastity because I all but ignored him sexually. We fell into the stereotypical marriage where the wife never wants sex and the poor husband has to beg for it. Locking him up was the “cure” for that.
Ironically, we’re now the pseudo-stereotypical marriage where the wife never wants sex and the poor husband has to beg for it. The difference is that the poor husband gets teased within an inch of his life most nights without the satisfaction of having an orgasm. That sounds the same doesn’t it? Still no love for the poor Lion. There’s a lot of difference, of course. Lion gets sexual attention even if he doesn’t get his long sought after orgasm. He gets frustrated and horny and he loves every minute of it. Okay, maybe not every minute. He certainly loves it more than he did before we started male chastity. He’d much rather have blue balls this way, I bet.
So last night’s miscue is not a big deal. We’ll try again and again until we get it right. Practice makes perfect.
Over a week has gone by since my last spanking. I’ve managed to remember to set up the coffeepot and remind Mrs. Lion of punishment days. I’ve also avoided pissing her off. If this holds until Monday, I might get a maintenance spanking.
The concept of maintenance spankings seems odd to most people. After all, why is my “reward” for continued good behavior a painful, punishment-level spanking? It’s a good question. Shouldn’t it earn a reward instead?
I think that this gets to the heart of a disciplinary marriage. My male interest in being spanked prompted me to ask for this. At the least, it means at some level I want to be spanked. That was my original motive. It isn’t the reason why I believe in painful maintenance.
Mrs. Lion and I are creatures of habit. If we let too much time pass between activities, we tend to forget to do them. In the past, when for one reason or another we suspended our disciplinary activities, it was difficult to restart them. Scheduled maintenance spankings serve to remind both of us that just because I avoided getting into trouble, I am not subject to being punished.
In a very real sense, it refreshes our focus on domestic discipline. For her part, Mrs. Lion is reminded of her role and the consequences she delivers as my disciplinary wife. It reminds me of what happens if I break a rule. It’s all too easy for me to forget just how unhappy a spanking makes me. I might be tempted to get lazy.
a postcard from the dentist
Of course, if I didn’t get that maintenance spanking and Mrs. Lion remains diligent, the first time I slip I would be painfully reminded of the errors of my ways. The maintenance spanking is like a postcard from your dentist. It keeps you aware you need to do something, even if it is unpleasant.
Ironically, the maintenance spanking isn’t terribly useful in keeping me focused on specific rules. Based on our experience, I tend to “forget” a rule several weeks after being spanked for the last time I forgot it. It’s odd since I am aware this happens, I still can’t seem to avoid forgetting.
Perhaps the maintenance spankings will extend the time between infractions. I don’t think so. Their purpose is to keep us both focused. It seems to be necessary for us.
new spanking experiments
Mrs. Lion mentioned that she may restart her spanking “experiments”. Since she found more paddles, she mentioned that she might want to see if she can work out how to reliably make me feel the results of a spanking for at least two days after I get it.
There is only one way to do this: experiment. If she decides to resume, maintenance spankings won’t be necessary. Last time she experimented it lasted for a few weeks. She did manage to make one or two of her experiments hurt for more than two days. Unfortunately, she didn’t make note of what she did to produce that result.
Since I seem to be staying out of trouble, scheduled experiments are the only way she can refine her technique and discover the tools that produce the results she wants.
Last night I brought out the Box O’Fun and asked Lion if he wanted to play. He said he did and chose ball bondage. Then he asked if we could put it off a day. I agreed. It may seem odd that I agree to delay things. I do this because I don’t think it makes any sense to play with Lion when he doesn’t want to play. Punishment should go on, but play is voluntary.
What I found odd is Lion wanting to delay ball bondage. He likes being tied up. I wonder if he would have wanted to play if he chose something different. You’ll remember he wanted to pick again when he chose a coconut oil hand job the other day. Does he have his mind set on one thing and, when he doesn’t choose it, he doesn’t want to continue? Am I giving him too much of a say in it? Or should I flat out ask him what he’d rather do?
The purpose of the Box O’Fun is to avoid inertia. It would be too easy for us to say, “I don’t care. What do you want to do?” to each other and be stuck doing nothing. I bring out the box and ask if he wants to choose so he can decide if he’s up for playing. To me, this is reasonable. I can decide I don’t want to play by not bringing out the box. Until we started using the box, Lion had no way of telling me he wasn’t in the mood. However, what if he has his heart set on just having a blow job? No ball swats or clothespins. Just a blow job. The box does not offer that option. What if he chose Icy Hot but what he really wants is ball bondage? Should he be able to put off the Icy Hot and ask for ball bondage instead? Eventually he’d have to have the Icy Hot because he chose it, but does that mean he shouldn’t get any action at all?
As it is right now, if Lion doesn’t choose from the Box O’Fun or if he asks to put off the activity, nothing else happens. I guess I’ve been assuming if he isn’t in the mood for whatever he chose, it means he’s not in the mood for anything. Couldn’t he say, “I don’t want to choose, but can we snuggle?” I think so. And I’m leaning toward allowing him to suggest an alternative choice. We’d still be avoiding inertia and isn’t that the point?
Mrs. Lion was in our pantry unpacking one of the boxes left over from our move. I heard her declare happily, “I just found some more paddles.” Oh, joy! She didn’t elaborate further. Just what we need, more devices to make me yelp.
I did buy almost all of the paddles, so I can’t complain about Mrs. Lion discovering them. It’s just that I am less of a connoisseur than I was when spanking was a fun, BDSM activity. Nowadays, spanking is for punishment.
I still like spanking; at least I like thinking about being spanked. It turns me on. I also like finding new implements like the spanking “carpet beater” that is due to arrive tomorrow. It’s fun to think about it being used on me. It is absolutely no fun when it eventually finds its way to my bottom.
For some reason, I have a problem connecting my appreciation of spanking in the abstract with what really happens to me when I break a rule or annoy Mrs. Lion. This is especially odd since I have been getting punishment spankings since 2015. Even odder is the fact that even when we exclusively did play spankings, I couldn’t feel the difference between many of the paddles.
I bought most of these implements when I was a top. It was entertaining to discover which paddle produced the loudest screams from my partner. Truth be told, most of them were equally effective. As a top, I enjoyed thinking about using each new paddle.
I suppose this interest in spanking hardware is more of a fetish than a need for a complete tool kit. Mrs. Lion does switch between paddles now and then. It’s rare that she will use more than just one during a single punishment session. I think that will probably change. She has mentioned using different implements for varied results. She is working on finding one that will reliably bruise me. The bruises tend to hurt me for a couple of days after I am spanked. We both agree that spanking is much more educational if it hurts to sit for at least two or three days.
Mrs. Lion is still perfecting her technique. We’ve both tracked her progress in posts over the years. She is perfectly able to make me very unhappy to be lying over the edge of the bed being paddled. The one remaining challenge is producing that lasting reminder of my offense.
So far, even very powerful swats with her paddle doesn’t seem to do the trick. This is probably a function of my particular anatomy. I know that I can be bruised on demand. At least one spanker at an event announced after a thorough paddling that she would now give me some souvenirs. She then gave me three hard swats with a different tool. Sure enough, three painful bruises appeared.
The swats that produced them didn’t feel any worse than the non-bruising spanking that came before. I think she switched to a toy with a small striking surface and a lot of heft.
Mrs. Lion now has a combination of new toys and newly-discovered old toys to try next time she spanks me. She hasn’t asked me for advice so I will refrain from suggesting what is most likely to do the job.
In the past, when she was doing her spanking experiments, just using one of her paddles, she managed to bruise me and make sitting hurt for three days after the spanking. Those experiments were always at least 300 swats long. Mrs. Lion was trying different approaches. I was learning to stay in place.
She learned to adjust her intensity just to the edge of me trying to escape. Over time, she was able to hit harder as I learned to better stay put.
These experiments took place over several days a week. Perhaps the frequency “tenderized” me at the same time I learned to accept more. That could be part of it as well.
I agree with her and with the DWC that an effective spanking hurts for days. Maybe Mrs. Lion needs to resume her experiments.