I’ve been writing a lot lately about what’s going on inside of me. It’s tempting to just write about chastity hardware, sexual frustration FLRD, and spanking. After all, that’s probably why you visit us. I’ve always advocated taking “time outs” when you leave the context of the power exchange and talk frankly about how things are working. In the same vein I’ve been trying to consider how our power exchange is working as though I’m an external reporter.
This is not the way I like to think about it. It’s much more fun to stay firmly rooted in my role as Mrs. Lion’s disciplined husband locked firmly in his inescapable chastity device. Of course, that’s not absolutely correct. It could never work in such absolute terms.
First and foremost is the fact that everything we do is consensual. Mrs. Lion has no interest in doing things that I don’t agree to. It’s entirely too easy to remain in my role and force my partner into the murky waters of a power exchange with no clear definition.
It’s fair to say that I get a sense of security and warmth when I feel her authority over me. I am sexually satisfied in my own perverse way, by her limiting my ability to get off. I am aroused by the prospect of punishment. Of course, she knows this. However, it’s important to restate this periodically. It helps her feel more secure in her role. It helps me remember that this power exchange is not defining our lives. It’s something we do because it works for us.
When we first began enforced male chastity, I explained how I thought it should work. Mrs. Lion asked a lot of questions and finally agreed to try it. In the beginning, she played it the way I explained it to her. In a very real sense I controlled everything. Over time, as she became more comfortable with the power exchange, she inserted her own ideas.
There were conflicts. For example, Mrs. Lion doesn’t particularly enjoy locking me and unlocking me in chastity devices. She prefers me to be wild and accessible at all times. She knows I’m turned on by wearing a chastity device. If this were 100% lioness controlled, I would never wear a chastity device. Because she wants me to be happy and she likes me horny, she locks me up. She’s also worked out a sort of unilateral compromise: She leaves me wild a good part of the time. She knows I want to be locked up so she splits the difference. It works.
The rules are the same whether or not that device is locked on my penis. Masturbation is strictly forbidden. Obviously, I’m not allowed to have sex with anyone but her. She knows I’m an adult and can control myself. She also knows I’m turned on by the bondage provided by the chastity device. It’s a true win-win. She is in absolute control sexually. At any given moment she might lock me up.
Another area that she and I don’t strictly agree on are wait times. She doesn’t keep track of how long I’ve waited between orgasms. She really doesn’t care. She likes the idea that she can tease me and keep me horny or give me release based on a whim. Recently, I’ve gone through days where I just don’t get aroused enough to reach the edge of orgasm. She doesn’t like that because teasing me is something she truly enjoys.
Our situation is a little unusual. Mrs. Lion’s libido is inactive. So all sex is for my benefit. Enforced chastity substitutes for a more balanced sex life. At this point, sex is a service she provides me. That brings me to the main point of stepping outside the power exchange once in a while. Being the dominant partner is a service rendered to the submissive member of the relationship.
I know there are a lot of fantasies that claim the submissive partner is performing services for his keyholder. These services are so valuable that she is the ultimate beneficiary in the power exchange. That’s complete nonsense. In a loving relationship either partner will do anything that will please his or her mate. I have nothing to offer Mrs. Lion as a result of my power exchange that she couldn’t have without it. She is providing a service to me out of her love.
I think it’s important for me to regularly express gratitude for all of the things she does because she knows they make me happy. I’m absolutely sure I would have never ended up locked in a chastity device, unless I asked to be.
Another fantasy I call “be careful what you wish for” claims that once the keyholder gets to try her role, she becomes so enamored of it that she would never give it up no matter what her locked partner says. This little twist is a way to cover up the concept of chastity as a male-requested service by claiming the keyholder has a religious conversion and becomes the severe, dominating partner uninterested in her male’s feelings.
Mrs. Lion knows I think that’s a cool concept. She also knows I don’t seriously believe it. But when we are in our roles, that’s how I think about it. It’s much more fun to imagine that I have no control. In reality, I don’t have any control unless I “safeword” out of the power exchange. That’s as real as it gets. In fact, that’s real enough. I have to really want to get out of it very badly to risk ending it forever.
That’s the safeword risk. When you pull the switch, your partner may decide not to let it get turned on again. That’s a sufficiently scary risk to make this lion think more than twice before doing it. That’s the true source of power in the power exchange. Even though we recognize that while these activities are for our benefit, our fun-loving keyholder’s can push the envelope and force us to feel a much more realistic sense of being dominated if we know that if we decide to stop the music, we stand a chance of never hearing it again.
I think that’s terrific. It’s fair to discuss the things that feel too intense during one of the regular out-of-role discussions. It’s also fair for our dominant partner to remind us that things don’t necessarily have to go exactly the way we want.
These periodic chats also serve to keep us grounded. They force us to recognize why we do what we do. It’s way too easy to forget that I am the one who wants to be locked in the chastity device and who wants my wife to discipline me. It’s good for both of us to regularly remind ourselves what’s real.