Penis Whisperer

This narrow, heavy paddle is made of a very dense wood. It is three quarters of an inch thick and packs a serious wallop.

I’ve made a lot of mention about Lion being stuck. By this I mean that he gets excited but can’t get any further. If I can just get him to the edge once, I can do it a few times. The problem is getting him to the edge.

Last night I decided to try my hand at getting him there orally. It worked. I joked with him that “all I have to do” is use my mouth from now on and we’ll be all set. He agreed wholeheartedly. Of course, I’m not going to do that but I may have to do it more often than I have been. For all I know, it may be easier to get him to the edge tonight because I jump started the process orally last night. Maybe it’s a case of my weenie forgetting what it’s supposed to do and only by using my mouth can I convince it to perform. Maybe I’m the penis whisperer.

I have no doubt that nightly oral ministrations would get old fairly quickly. For both of us. My neck would either break or become one of the strongest necks on a woman the world has ever seen. My weenie would probably say, “Oh great. This again. Go slobber somewhere else.” It would take some time, but Lion would get tired of it. Trust me. Who thought he’d get tired of an orgasm every night? He used to “demand” that.

I did think spanking would go a long way toward helping the situation, but it didn’t seem to on Monday night. I used a different paddle last night. Sort of a flattened billy club-looking thing. I was able to swat both Lion’s cheeks at the same time. This morning he told me it was thuddy as opposed to stingy. Sting-y. When he clarified he said thicker, heavier implements produce a thud and wider, lighter implements provide a sting. I’d assume the opposite to be true.

Case in point, caning. I have no idea why I’ve been thinking about this lately, but we haven’t done caning in years and years. I guess smacking both cheeks at the same time reminds me of caning. At any rate, a cane is thin and produces a definite sting. At least I assume it does. From Lion’s reactions to it, I make that assumption. A thud from a flogger results in an “oof” noise. A sting from a cane results in a butt-clenching intake of air that sounds like a reverse hiss.

Having only been the recipient of one pinched nipple and a few playful swats, I am certainly no expert. I have to defer to my victim. I have to say, however, that recent spankings have sounded more like yowls than oofs or reverse hisses. Thuddy or sting-y, it appears to hurt. A lot.

[Lion — I would certainly welcome some caning. The cane is a combination of sting and thud. Because it is very flexible and long, the tip of the cane moves at very high speed. Since the cane is relatively narrow in diameter, it concentrates all that force on a very small area of skin. I’m not sure I would classify the cane as either stingy or thuddy. It’s in its own category of impact sensation.]

We Are Changing How We Approach Things

It appears that Mrs. Lion and I are settling into a new pattern. It’s not a radical change. I still get locked in a chastity device and I still must follow rules set by Mrs. Lion; but there is a new, more playful tone to things.

You would think that after all these years we would’ve figured out all the nuances involved in our power exchange. As things mature, some of the original reasons we do them are no longer relevant. For example, the chastity device originally served to assure that I kept my paws off my penis. Locking it in a chastity device made sure that masturbation wasn’t an easy option for me. After nearly 6 years, I don’t even think about jerking off. I still like getting erections but I don’t have any real desire to ejaculate on my own. The chastity device has become more of a sexy symbol of my sexual surrender to my lioness than a useful training tool.

Mrs. Lion is pretty sure that my interest in sex is somehow coupled to me wearing a chastity device. She’s probably right. That cage provides a form of sexual structure that I like a lot. It also satisfies my love of bondage. It’s still exciting to be locked up in that chastity device. Mrs. Lion believes I am much more easily aroused when teased if I’ve been wearing my cage.

I agree.

She, on the other hand, finds taking the cage off and putting it back on to be a minor inconvenience. While she hasn’t said in so many words, I think she likes me a lot better when I’m wild. We both agree that male chastity doesn’t require hardware to be effective. I may have access to the penis, but I’m sufficiently trained to make her comfortable that I won’t access it sexually. At this point, we haven’t figured out exactly how a chastity device fits in.

Our Female Lead Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) presents a different dilemma. Mrs. Lion prefers spanking as her go-to punishment. As you probably know, the idea of being spanked turns me on. That doesn’t create a problem in terms of discipline because actually being spanked is painful and does not turn me on.

The dilemma is created by the fact that like the chastity device, close proximity to a spanking makes me much more sexually responsive. Even though I truly hate severe spankings when they’re being administered, I’m very aroused anticipating them and reminiscing about them after they are done. If I go for some time without earning a beating, I don’t seem to be nearly as horny as I am if one has been in my recent past.

This isn’t unusual. A lot of guys who like spanking are affected in a similar way. The problem occurs when I don’t do anything to earn one. We’ve partially corrected this by making punishments span multiple days. Now, if I break a rule, I earn a minimum of three spankings administered on three consecutive days. I can earn more than that if Mrs. Lion feels the offense is serious enough.

Neither of us has “faked” offenses. I never purposely break a rule. Mrs. Lion has too strong a sense of justice to invent misdeeds for me. We have talked about “play” spankings to fill in when discipline isn’t required. I don’t think that works; at least it hasn’t so far. The biggest turn on for me is that the spankings are severe enough to make me wish they would stop. Mrs. Lion very recently has begun moving into that territory. I certainly hate it when it’s happening, but its sexual effect on me is unmistakable afterward.

We may need to institute maintenance spankings — full-on disciplinary spankings administered to remind me what happens if I’m not careful — when actual disciplinary spankings haven’t been earned. Mrs. Lion can simply declare that I need reminding and tell me to get into position for a strong reminder. I’m sure this will work. Also, since actual punishments are multi-day affairs and maintenance spankings are one-off, I’ll have no trouble with confusing them.

I don’t want us to give up FLRD. After all, giving it up is one option that will put spankings into a context that lets Mrs. Lion administer them to keep me horny. The reason I don’t is that it’s serving a very positive need in our relationship. Mrs. Lion is learning to assert herself and assure that I respect her wishes at all times. It’s not that I’m a lout, it’s simply that sometimes I do things that annoy her. We leverage my desire for control and punishment to modify my behavior and make me a better husband.

I am absolutely certain that we can work our way around these issues. For one thing, we both agree that we want to continue enforced male chastity and FLRD. We also recognize that there is a strong sexual component to both. The last six years have taught us that even though I sexually like chastity and punishment, they are still effective in terms of training me.

I have to admit that I’m surprised this is true, but unquestionably it is. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will take advantage of each spanking opportunity, whether for maintenance or punishment, to continue improving her technique in making each spanking more difficult for me to take. Lest you think that is cruel and wrong; it’s not. It’s exactly what I want. Similarly, I’m sure she will develop ways to maximize the sexual effect of locking me in a chastity device. That is easier, since its purpose is purely sexual.

I can’t wait to see what she has to say about this post.

Frustration Spanking

side of bed spanking

This is a variation on what Lion asked for. I can stand the way I did before while he is in the over-the-bedside position he wants.

Is it possible I used last night’s punishment to take out frustration on Lion’s butt? I’m sure he’d say that was fine. He’s wanted me to do it for some time. But what if the frustration is with the manner of punishment? Not spanking, but the position.

I’m not at all sure I like this strange, pseudo-over-the-knee position. With that in mind, I may have swatted extra hard last night. I mean, I know I swatted extra hard. But I don’t think I realized why at the time. Now I’m wondering if that’s why. I’m not sure I have an answer to that. Yet.

Lion comes up with most of our new ideas. He wonders why I don’t. Personally, I think if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Did he think I’d swat him more often if the position was more comfortable for me? I don’t remember saying I was uncomfortable. I don’t remember ever thinking I’d swat him more if only my arms didn’t get so tired and sore.

What I think happened is that the position is as close to over the knee as he can get and he’s really turned on by over the knee spanking. And here we are. In all fairness, he did tell me if I don’t like it we can go back to the old way. And obviously, if I’m in charge, I could make that decision whether he approves of it or not. It’s not like I need him to give me permission to stop using Icy Hot, for example. Within reason, I can do whatever I want to him. Or stop doing whatever I want, for that matter.

I think I’m just anti-change right now because I’m still doing most of the stuff around the house. I don’t really need another thing to think about. Let’s get another puppy! No. We can get X cheaper if we just run down to Tacoma. No. Maybe we should…. No.

However, if that’s the only reason I’m anti-pseudo-over-the-knee, then I need to get over it. And the only way to get over it is to continue. Maybe I’ll wind up liking it after all. Maybe it will be the go to position. Maybe it will be one of the go to positions. Maybe I’ll decide I really do hate it. But I can’t know that unless I give it time. So that’s what we’ll do.

Take A Time Out

I’ve been writing a lot lately about what’s going on inside of me. It’s tempting to just write about chastity hardware, sexual frustration FLRD, and spanking. After all, that’s probably why you visit us. I’ve always advocated taking “time outs” when you leave the context of the power exchange and talk frankly about how things are working. In the same vein I’ve been trying to consider how our power exchange is working as though I’m an external reporter.

This is not the way I like to think about it. It’s much more fun to stay firmly rooted in my role as Mrs. Lion’s disciplined husband locked firmly in his inescapable chastity device. Of course, that’s not absolutely correct. It could never work in such absolute terms.

First and foremost is the fact that everything we do is consensual. Mrs. Lion has no interest in doing things that I don’t agree to. It’s entirely too easy to remain in my role and force my partner into the murky waters of a power exchange with no clear definition.

It’s fair to say that I get a sense of security and warmth when I feel her authority over me. I am sexually satisfied in my own perverse way, by her limiting my ability to get off. I am aroused by the prospect of punishment. Of course, she knows this. However, it’s important to restate this periodically. It helps her feel more secure in her role. It helps me remember that this power exchange is not defining our lives. It’s something we do because it works for us.

When we first began enforced male chastity, I explained how I thought it should work. Mrs. Lion asked a lot of questions and finally agreed to try it. In the beginning, she played it the way I explained it to her. In a very real sense I controlled everything. Over time, as she became more comfortable with the power exchange, she inserted her own ideas.

There were conflicts. For example, Mrs. Lion doesn’t particularly enjoy locking me and unlocking me in chastity devices. She prefers me to be wild and accessible at all times. She knows I’m turned on by wearing a chastity device. If this were 100% lioness controlled, I would never wear a chastity device. Because she wants me to be happy and she likes me horny, she locks me up. She’s also worked out a sort of unilateral compromise: She leaves me wild a good part of the time. She knows I want to be locked up so she splits the difference. It works.

The rules are the same whether or not that device is locked on my penis. Masturbation is strictly forbidden. Obviously, I’m not allowed to have sex with anyone but her. She knows I’m an adult and can control myself. She also knows I’m turned on by the bondage provided by the chastity device. It’s a true win-win. She is in absolute control sexually. At any given moment she might lock me up.

Another area that she and I don’t strictly agree on are wait times. She doesn’t keep track of how long I’ve waited between orgasms. She really doesn’t care. She likes the idea that she can tease me and keep me horny or give me release based on a whim. Recently, I’ve gone through days where I just don’t get aroused enough to reach the edge of orgasm. She doesn’t like that because teasing me is something she truly enjoys.

Our situation is a little unusual. Mrs. Lion’s libido is inactive. So all sex is for my benefit. Enforced chastity substitutes for a more balanced sex life. At this point, sex is a service she provides me. That brings me to the main point of stepping outside the power exchange once in a while. Being the dominant partner is a service rendered to the submissive member of the relationship.

I know there are a lot of fantasies that claim the submissive partner is performing services for his keyholder. These services are so valuable that she is the ultimate beneficiary in the power exchange. That’s complete nonsense. In a loving relationship either partner will do anything that will please his or her mate. I have nothing to offer Mrs. Lion as a result of my power exchange that she couldn’t have without it. She is providing a service to me out of her love.

I think it’s important for me to regularly express gratitude for all of the things she does because she knows they make me happy. I’m absolutely sure I would have never ended up locked in a chastity device, unless I asked to be.

Another fantasy I call “be careful what you wish for” claims that once the keyholder gets to try her role, she becomes so enamored of it that she would never give it up no matter what her locked partner says. This little twist is a way to cover up the concept of chastity as a male-requested service by claiming the keyholder has a religious conversion and becomes the severe, dominating partner uninterested in her male’s feelings.

Mrs. Lion knows I think that’s a cool concept. She also knows I don’t seriously believe it. But when we are in our roles, that’s how I think about it. It’s much more fun to imagine that I have no control. In reality, I don’t have any control unless I “safeword” out of the power exchange. That’s as real as it gets. In fact, that’s real enough. I have to really want to get out of it very badly to risk ending it forever.

That’s the safeword risk. When you pull the switch, your partner may decide not to let it get turned on again. That’s a sufficiently scary risk to make this lion think more than twice before doing it. That’s the true source of power in the power exchange. Even though we recognize that while these activities are for our benefit, our fun-loving keyholder’s can push the envelope and force us to feel a much more realistic sense of being dominated if we know that if we decide to stop the music, we stand a chance of never hearing it again.

I think that’s terrific. It’s fair to discuss the things that feel too intense during one of the regular out-of-role discussions. It’s also fair for our dominant partner to remind us that things don’t necessarily have to go exactly the way we want.

These periodic chats also serve to keep us grounded. They force us to recognize why we do what we do. It’s way too easy to forget that I am the one who wants to be locked in the chastity device and who wants my wife to discipline me. It’s good for both of us to regularly remind ourselves what’s real.