We are still worried about the dog. Despite seeming to drink a lot, she’s dehydrated. She won’t take any meds. She won’t even eat pizza. Unless something drastic happens, we may be putting her down. First, we have to exhaust all other possibilities.

I took Thursday and Friday off. We were supposed to be camping. I decided to take my days off anyway so we could do things together. Instead, I’ve been taking the dog to the vet. I’m hoping we can get more done today. Depending on how you look at it, I wasted two days off or used the days off to care for the dog. I may also have to cancel my trip east for my mother’s funeral since Lion can’t really care for the dog now that she’s gotten worse. Oh well. Shit happens.

Last night, I purposely waited to do anything sexual. I wanted to see if Lion asked for sex. He told me he was horny and asked if he could have sex. I told him I didn’t think so. It feels weird. I don’t like telling him no. I mean, I know I do it without actually doing it when I don’t play with him. But if he asks, I usually give him attention. I’m also wondering what happens when I want to give him some attention and then he asks me for sex. If I’ve decided to play with him after I’m done with the dishes, and he asks me before I can start anything, what do I do? Could I twist it around and tell him he can’t have sex because he wants it, but because I want to give him sex? Would that make things muddier, or would it clarify that he’s not getting sex for him but me? Obviously, not for me, but because I’ve decided to do it. Muddier.

It may be small, but I like it.

When I was spanking him the other day, I wondered how I could love his buns so much when they are so small. I tease him about his lack of a butt all the time. It’s one of the reasons he wears suspenders. His pants have nothing to hold them up. Buttless Lion. I told him about this last night, and he told me I was sweet. Is this the sexy talk he was referring to in his post the other day? I really don’t remember the sexy talk. We don’t really say much during sex. For a very long time, Lion never made a sound except during climax. Even then, he was fairly quiet. Now he’s more vocal. Maybe we have an unwritten rule about how much sound we can make. Since he’s more vocal, the sexy talk had to go away. Silly, I know. We’re both pretty silly.

I am overtired. We were up almost all night with our dog. She went to the vet yesterday and got a pain shot. When she got home, she wouldn’t settle down. She paced through the house and panted. This continued all night and into the morning. She also pooped in the house a few times even though she has access to outside.

I want to blame the meds, but there could be another explanation. Her behavior is like Canine Cognitive Dysfunction. This is a doggy version of dementia. Maybe it was induced by the meds, or she has the disease. She will be 9 in three weeks. That is a bit young for this disease. Anyway, Mrs. Lion and I are very tired and worried. Our dog is very important to us both.

Because I am very worried about the pup, you may want to take this post with a grain of salt. Anyway, I’ve been looking for more interesting blogs by practicing domestic discipline (the male being disciplined) and general BDSM. In years gone by, a good source has been the blog lists on other bloggers’ sites. We have one in the right column. There are a couple of aggregators: sheheld.blogspot.com and keyheld.blogspot.com. Unfortunately, I come up dry on them.

Their owners are apparently abandoning an increasing number of blogs. I have no idea why. Is there a new platform for writing that I haven’t found? I admit that I prefer the Web. Navigation is easy and sensible. I find Instagram unfathomable. So, either the web is becoming obsolete in favor of another platform, or we don’t have many people writing about things I want to read.

Some of the so-called bloggers publish stupid memes with no commentary. Here is an example of the worst. It could be that I’ve become a curmudgeon of sex bloggers, the Andy Rooney of kink. That would be an interesting turn of events. Who knows? Maybe I have been evolving that way for some time.

Part of the issue is that all the years that Mrs. Lion has been doing this stuff has taught us many lessons, and I am impatient with people who don’t get it. More likely, I am more set in my ways. I am not claiming that we have “arrived.” We are still evolving rapidly. We still experiment, looking to optimize our experiences.

Eight years ago, if you asked me what we would be working on eight years in the future, I doubt I would have guessed spanking style. Mrs. Lion has consistently worked to make my spanking experience as painful and long-lasting as possible. This required her to harden herself against bruising me and making me bleed. She has evolved into a true DWC spanker. She is still working on it.

I would say that her exploration of technique and frequency is our current educational effort. Thursday night, I got another just because spanking. It ran for about ten minutes, and there was blood and a lot of yelping. I hated it from end to end. It hurt to sit on Friday morning. Mrs. Lion focused on my most tender areas. She used the mean, blue paddle inside my crack. She spent a lot of time working there. I yelped from the first swat. Boy, did I want to get away.

She has established a twice-a-week schedule for just because spanking. I will be spanked on Mondays and Thursdays.  Aside from helping her perfect her technique, we want to see if this frequency will sharpen her hunting skills and cause her to enforce more than just the simple rules.

Knowing that a spanking is never more than three days away may help me focus on my behavior as well. The Monday and Thursday Spankings are not substitutes for actual punishment. If I get in trouble on any day other than Monday or Thursday, I will get spanked that day in addition to the scheduled beatings. If the punishment falls on Monday or Thursday, Mrs. Lion will add at least five minutes to the ten-minute schedule spanking. I have a strong incentive to avoid making things worse.

It may turn out that twice-a-week spankings are too much. We won’t know that for some time. I sense that Mrs. Lion was right setting up that schedule. It may seem excessive, but I guess time will tell. In the meantime, it might toughen my hide and stop the bleeding. It also may do the trick in terms of our disciplinary relationship. You have to admit, it may be weird, but it isn’t boring.

There is something seriously wrong with our dog. She has hip dysplasia so she’s on more medications that she refuses to take. I took her to the vet yesterday and they couldn’t find anything wrong with her. Last night she wandered aimlessly through the house, panting. None of us got much sleep. Despite multiple attempts to let her out, she had accidents in the house. This morning, she got caught under the table and when I reached to help her, she bit me. I know it’s not her fault, but that doesn’t make the bruise go away any quicker. Lion did some research this morning and discovered she may have dog Alzheimers. We may have to put her down.

Despite the dog’s issues, I pulled out the spanking bench for a just because spanking. I’ve decided to whomp him on Mondays and Thursdays just because. I selected paddles based on Lion’s recommendations. A wide leather one produces sting and covers lots of ground. I used the narrow silicon blue slapper to get into his crack. It’s nearly virgin territory in there. Oddly enough, he was bleeding a little bit from his left cheek with this combination. Normally he starts bleeding from the right cheek first. I don’t know what made this happen. When I continued with the more evil paddles, he bled from both sides equally.

I know I didn’t start off with hard swats. I was carpet bombing all over his buns. The idea is the get him red all over and then go for whatever bruises I can get with mean paddles. He was yelping from the beginning. I know his skin is stretched tighter when he’s on the bench, but it seemed extreme to yelp so early in the proceedings. Of course, having never been spanked myself, I am in no position to question his pain. In less than ten minutes he was telling me it was enough. However, he wasn’t using his safeword so technically I didn’t have to stop. But this wasn’t really a punishment spanking. I know it’s supposed to be the same whether it’s punishment or just because. I figured he’d had enough.

It’s not like he won’t be swatted again on Monday, if not sooner.

It’s probably no surprise that I’m having trouble asking for sex. That’s been my problem forever. Yes, I understand that this is an exercise, and I will be refused. Why isn’t that comforting? It’s just what every guy wants, to get turned down for sex. My current problem is more basic: How do I ask for sex?

Do I say, “Hey sweetie, how about some sex?” No, I can’t do that. “Want to play with me?” That makes my skin crawl. I can’t sing the song if I don’t know the words. I’ve been running ideas through my head since Mrs. Lion agreed it would be a good idea to try the exercise. A Twitter reader suggested that I ask for sex twice a day for ten days to remove the sting of refusal. Mrs. Lion would refuse each time. The idea was that I would learn it was no big deal, and Mrs. Lion would get comfortable saying no to me. You can read the full text here.

Seems simple enough, right? It isn’t proving to be. Mrs. Lion isn’t very helpful when I ask her how I should ask for sex. Am I supposed to know? I don’t think I ever asked. Sex just evolved most of the time. Other times, the woman initiated. Maybe she got frustrated waiting for me to start.

When it comes to sex, the cards are stacked against us. Since Mrs. Lion isn’t interested, there is no mutually good time to relieve our mutual horniness. She doesn’t get horny. That fact makes my side of the equation close to impossible. Any sex for me is an imposition. It’s a favor. That doesn’t feel good to me. So, even when Mrs. Lion is kind enough to provide sex, I’m feeling guilty before she starts. Hot stuff, huh?

There we are. Mrs. Lion feels a little achy and tired, but she’s willing to power through to edge me or milk me. I’m well aware that she would much rather be doing something else. I’ve put off sex for at least ten days, and I’m starting to wonder if I will lose interest entirely. Isn’t this a great setting for really hot stuff?

We used to play some BDSM games like Spankardy or Box O’Fun. That was a sort of ice breaker. That doesn’t happen anymore. It comes down to Mrs. Lion slowly moving to my side of the bed and playing with my cock. After a short while, she asks, “Want to move across the bed?” That’s code for getting into position for a blow job. Predictably, my answer is “Yes!” Then, I move into position, and Mrs. Lion gives me some oral attention.

It’s very good, of course. Mrs. Lion is very good with her mouth. It’s difficult for me to fully enjoy it because I know I’m keeping her away from her iPad. You can see why I’m not all that excited about asking for sex, refusal or not.

There’s no question that we love one another. We are completely devoted. That’s not the point. There’s no sexy talk or laughing about sex. Why should there be? She has no real interest in it. I get the strongest sense that the best thing would be for me to avoid anything sexual with her. No guilt for me and no painful blow jobs for her.

We would still have our domestic discipline. Spanking me seems to be a lot easier for her than getting into sex. Could I be happy without sex? Should Mrs. Lion let me masturbate? If she does, would I get any pleasure from it? I doubt I would. I was not fond of it much eight years ago when I was jerking off. I do like sex. I am hopelessly heterosexual. Sex for me goes beyond my penis. That might be one reason I’m not feeling so good about the sex I do get.

It turns out that workarounds only go so far. I met Mrs. Lion because she had been on a quest for a sexual partner. She was in a very unhappy marriage. She never articulated the full reason for it, but she needed to find a man, if only for a quick fling. Before we met, she made at least one long trip in the hopes of a tryst. Fortunately, we met less than an hour from her house.

I was at the end of a ten-year master/slave relationship. I was tired of the 24/7 BDSM expectations. For the record, it wasn’t even close to 24/7 BDSM. Most of the time, we were a normal couple. We didn’t have enough in common beyond the BDSM. I wanted an uncomplicated, peaceful relationship. When we met online, I was really horny and lonely. I suspect that Mrs. Lion was too.

It had to be the most superficial reason that two people ever met. We found something in each other that was completely unexpected. We fell in love. Our relationship has survived and flourished despite the sexual issue shows how deep our love is.

Most problems, if left untreated, tend to get worse. The sexual gap between us has slowly widened. Obviously, Mrs. Lion isn’t going to get her libido back magically. Something has to change. I’m not just talking about providing me with a richer sex life. I’m also talking about replacing the lost physical intimacy. I know it won’t get as bad as it was for each of us before we met. We are soul mates and need each other as much as we need air. But happiness is suffering. I can feel it fade. BDSM, orgasm control and domestic discipline won’t fix the problem. We need to find something else.