I am learning to hate a word I used to like. That word is “again”. It used to mean I could go on that amusement park ride one more time, or get another orgasm, or something else I like. It has a new meaning now. When Mrs. Lion says, “again” she is generally referring to the fact that I’ve repeated an offense.
For example, in her post the other day, she reported that I forgot to tell her that Saturday was punishment day again. We have a long-standing agreement that the best way to determine if my punishment is severe enough is whether I “learn” not to repeat the offense too soon. Most women who are disciplining wives recognize that we men tend to “forget” what we should do after a while. Exactly how long that “while” depends on the wife.
The reason this is important is that if I repeat an offense too soon, my punishment will be much more severe. The reasoning behind this is reasonable. Obviously, the initial punishment was not strong enough to teach me to avoid repeating the offense. Even though I realize this is going to hurt me quite a bit, I have to admit that I still manage to forget Saturday punishment days. I’ve been spanked for this at least four times in the last couple of months.
Okay, in the scheme of life that’s no big deal. But in terms of our relationship, it really is. It shouldn’t be very difficult for me to remember to remind Mrs. Lion. The fact that I don’t isn’t an act of defiance; I just forget. Mrs. Lion and I both agree I need to remember things I’m supposed to do. Obviously, her standard five-minute spanking hasn’t improved my memory sufficiently.
This is an odd post for me to be writing. It’s more reasonable for Mrs. Lion to be saying this. (For all I know she will write about this too.) Because I have more experience in the area of BDSM and administering spankings, I supply input to Mrs. Lion to help her learn what I know. In this case, at the safe distance of several hours away from my spanking, I have to admit that as a repeat offender I clearly need a much stronger message to help improve my memory. I know I will be very sorry I made this suggestion. It’s the right thing to do.
We are establishing habits that make sense inside our disciplinary relationship. Lioness 3.0 is perfectly capable of administering blistering spankings to me. However, 3.0 doesn’t always display the judicial judgment to increase punishment when needed. That may be one of the key attributes of 4.0.
I’ve read posts by other men who are in domestic discipline relationships as the recipients of the discipline. There is general agreement that because we asked to be put in this position we also owe our disciplining partners assistance in being as effective as possible. Some men have to be careful to self-report offenses that take place away from their wives. Some also have to help their wives develop the punishment skills needed to be effective at behavior correction.
I am committed to both. I feel it is my duty to help Mrs. Lion become the most effective disciplinarian she can be. I recognize that at the stage where we are now, this results in much unhappiness for me. I firmly believe that doesn’t matter at all. I am sure that if the level of discipline is strong enough, I will remember to avoid the offense. Even though the idea of being spanked is sexually arousing to me, my motive in encouraging more severe spankings comes from my strong desire to change.
I’m not sure who this is harder on. My lioness gets no pleasure out of beating me. In a way that’s too bad. If it turned her on a little, it would be much easier for her to escalate as required.
I think you can see that none of what we are doing is arbitrary. If the rule is trivial, it should be trivial to follow. If a rule is serious, it may be harder to follow but isn’t different in any significant way from the simpler ones. Let me explain.
The first time I do something wrong if you will, I get the “standard” five-minute spanking for it. If that is sufficient to educate me, I don’t repeat the offense and don’t earn another punishment. If I forget after a reasonable period of time, say a month, maybe I get another five-minute reminder. It doesn’t really matter whether the rule is a big one or small one. It just matters that I am punished in an effort to correct me.
The more difficult part is what happens if I repeat the offense in less time then Mrs. Lion considers a reasonable period. Up until now, that’s resulted in another five-minute spanking. I’m not trying to minimize those five-minute beatings. They are vicious. However, clearly they aren’t enough if I repeat an offense. Mrs. Lion and I agree with this concept. She has had some difficulty implementing it.
Actually, repeat offenses need two things to happen in my view: First, I need to be reminded verbally that this is a repeat and that I will be receiving a more severe punishment in an effort to help me learn. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t say this, there is a decent chance that I won’t make the association during the spanking. I’ll just think I’m more sensitive. The second point is that the spanking itself has to be significantly more severe than the normal one I receive.
After she announces that I’m being punished for a repeat offense, the ensuing spanking has to be longer and harder. The idea here is that Mrs. Lion is making it much more expensive for me to repeat breaking that particular rule. In a very real sense, the much more severe spanking moves it higher on my internal priority list. It really is an attitude adjustment.
I think that people who come from a corporal punishment background know this instinctively. They recognize that there has to be a certain minimum level of unhappiness and pain for any punishment, but there also has to be significant enhancements when repeatedf disobedience requires it.
This principle makes it easier for Mrs. Lion. She’s often commented about the inherent unfairness of severely spanking me for something I didn’t realize was a rule. She thought the first offense should be a warning. I’ve always disagreed. I think the first offense earns the standard spanking. She knows I can manage this and that it makes enough of an impression on me that I will generally work to change my behavior.
All bets are off if I make a repeat appearance. That first five-minute spanking was a very graphic warning. Clearly, it wasn’t enough to get my full attention. That’s why I say it doesn’t really matter which rule is broken repeatedly. Obviously, some of them will upset her more than others. But in terms of my learning to be obedient, repeat offenses are defiance. Even if I think I “forgot”, we both know that I am supposed to tell her on Saturday that it is punishment day. The fact that I do it more than once — at least four times in the last two months — means I clearly need to be reminded that it is completely unacceptable behavior.
Mrs. Lion and I both spent a lot of time agonizing over the relative degree of different offenses. For example, how can we think that me spilling some salsa on my shirt equates to me interrupting her? After all, I can spill something on my shirt without intending to. Spilling doesn’t really hurt Mrs. Lion’s feelings. Interrupting her upsets her and seems to be a much more serious issue.
In the scheme of life it is. But in terms of a disciplinary relationship I’m starting to believe that the two offenses are very similar. I can generally avoid getting food on my clothes if I eat carefully. Once in a while I’ll slip up. If that “once in a while” isn’t that frequent, then I will earn the standard five-minute reminder to watch myself. If I do it too often, that I need a much stronger reminder. That isn’t because getting food on my shirt is a big deal. It’s because I’m not taking a rule seriously enough.
The same is true if I interrupt Mrs. Lion if I do it only occasionally, she might consider a five-minute reminder sufficient. If it happens more often, or if I take an attitude about it, then clearly I’m asking for a much more meaningful expression of her displeasure.
I’m starting to realize that it doesn’t really matter what the regulation I’m breaking is about. Anything I do that causes her displeasure deserves a warning. In our world, a warning is not a growl, it’s a five-minute spanking. I think this is completely fair. It guarantees I will pay close attention to “mistakes” I make. It also assures that I am focused on Mrs. Lion and how she is feeling.
I know this will result in a much freer applications of her paddle. I think that will be good for both of us. I’m hoping she will also begin using it at different times of day. If it’s possible to use it immediately after I do something that requires warning or correction, I hope she will take advantage of the opportunity.
If she uses the word “again”, I know I’m in trouble. Or I should say, I will know I’m in trouble. Punishment is a funny thing. It isn’t truly effective until it’s demonstrated. Unfortunately for me, it’s probably going to be demonstrated later today (I’m writing this on Monday late morning). As you know from her post the other day, I forgot “again”. I expect I will learn to avoid requiring her to use that word very often in the future.