The Movie In My Head

Years ago a comedian did a bit about the “movie in people’s heads”. You know, what is that guy wearing a bunny suit on the subway thinking? What is the movie in his head? The same can be asked of me and others who practice forced male chastity. Why in the world would we want our penises locked in masturbation- and sex-proof cages?

A simple answer is that it could be some psychological defect that drives us to this weird fetish. It might also be some past trauma that makes us seek the solace of penile prison. Everyone is different, of course, but since I started writing this journal I have been asking myself why I want to do this. Now that I have been locked securely for over a month, why do I continue? This time period is long enough to take things out of the fantasy phase and move to being part of my life. So here is my six week report. What’s playing inside the lion’s head?

Initially, I saw being locked up as a very sexy way to live out a longstanding fantasy where Mrs. Lion takes firm control of my sexual pleasure. No more masturbating, no humping the sheets in my sleep, just the ministrations of my dear wife if and when she chooses. I never imagined endless forced abstinence or some evil-but-loving mistress sadistically torturing me sexually. That’s not true, I’ve had some seriously hot dreams about sessions like that; and if the truth be told, lived some of them over the years. But these interludes lasted only a few hours and then my penis and I returned to normal.

Over the years, Mrs. Lion and I have played and she has bound and tortured my genitals, spanked me, and inserted objects into my butt. These sessions have been exciting and always ended with a very lion-sized orgasm. The movie playing in my head was always that Mrs. Lion had permanent control of me and did all this stuff; spanking, cock and ball play, and anal play because she liked it and wanted to “train” me. That was my movie. It played when Mrs. Lion agreed to a play session. It’s one of my favorites and I can enjoy it over and over. It always has a happy ending.

These sessions have become so infrequent that I can’t remember the last time we played this way. Did this drive me to a more extreme method of getting a new showing of my movie? That was certainly one of my initial motivations when I suggested that Mrs. Lion lock me up. Even if being locked in a cage didn’t end up as the main feature, it did promise a number of very nice short subjects in my mental theater. And, of course, lots of coming attractions as I wait for the chance to get release. However, while that may have ignited the flame, it isn’t behind our continuing activity. It’s gotten much deeper than that.

My movie isn’t like the ones many of the other male chastity practitioners write about, at least I don’t think so based on their writing. Many crave long dry spells of months, even years between opportunities to squirt. They write of regular, frustrating teasing by their (real or imagined) keyholders. A nice movie, but not mine. Instead, I see my forced chastity as an exercise of Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. I see her using this control to condition me to do things she wants, in and out of bed. Somehow she figured this out immediately and put me in a diaper every weekend. I haven’t grown to like wearing one, but it clearly makes me feel her control. She is getting my obedience to do something I truly don’t like. I love that! It’s my movie!

She is getting me to obey her wishes, even when her wish isn’t what I want. The big problem with most power exchange play is that the top is essentially playing a role written by the bottom. There is no real power exchange. The top is providing a service. Why would a top do that? Having been one for many years, I can say that by and large it is fun and there are benefits. Good bottoms realize they need to provide their tops with pleasure to encourage further play.

In my current situation, Mrs. Lion has me locked up because I asked her. I made some suggestions about activities she could consider: tease and deny, obedience, withholding release for infractions of rules, etc. She heard me and has done some of this. However, it is growing increasingly clear that my movie is getting a new writer. I may be the star, but she is now writing the script. You have been reading about her evolution into writer, director, and producer. I hope at some point if I ask her to release me from my cage because I no longer want it, that she will refuse and let me know thatshe wants it and it will stay on as long as it pleases her. At some point she will probably tie my hands so that on the occasions that she temporarily frees me for “stretching” or cleaning, I can’t intervene.

That’s the magic moment when the movie in my head is replaced with the reality of a dream come true. I may still have my own movies, but the live action is all of Mrs. Lion’s doing. That’s what I want most of all. Maybe I should be careful what I wish for.

 

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in diapers, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity

What do you think?