Serving Time

Now that I am settled in my Chinese cage, I am barely aware it is there except when I want to reach down and give my penis a quick rub. Nothing orgasmic, just the reassuring feeling of my hard cock in my hand. That’s no longer possible. When out and about, peeing sitting down in public bathrooms is an unwelcome addition to my life. And weekends; three nights and two days of full time diaper wearing; it’s hard to ignore and I think it is impossible to make totally routine.

The simple fact is that these changes are clear signals that I am no longer in charge of my sexuality. Someone else owns my ability to get sexual pleasure. I also can’t forget that she also has the power to take away other things, like using a toilet on weekends. I find myself moving between the excitement of feeling her control and the frustration and weariness of changes in the most basic of my bodily functions. I suspect that one of the big reasons most males who want to play with forced chastity, do it in a very limited context. They get locked up (or lock themselves up) for long enough for them to get desperate for sexual release, then they get unlocked until the urge to be locked up gets strong enough to overcome the remembered frustration.

Couples who attempt forced chastity also drop out rather quickly too. I think the main reason is that the male wants to substitute non-orgasmic sexual activity for the loss of the use of their cocks. This usually takes the form of demands for extensive, frequent teasing and endless, tedious chastity “chats” with their mates. Sooner or later their keyholders will grow tired of this incessant chatter and demands for attention and the play will end.

Those of us who want to integrate forced chastity into our lives long term have to understand that our keyholders don’t necessarily share the need to lock us up that we wish they would feel. Mrs. Lion doesn’t see any benefits for her beyond making me happy. Though “happy” doesn’t really fit. I am unsure how to describe how I feel. Some of the time I feel frustrated because I want to get off. In fact, that isn’t constant or terribly hard to take. Other times I resent the inconvenience of sitting to pee and wearing my weekend diapers. However, I make it a point to not discuss this, my fantasies of what will happen while locked up, or my interest in forced chastity with her. She knows how I feel and is quickly learning what I need. The harder lesson for her is to do what I need even if I don’t like it. The old, “This will hurt me more than it will hurt you” really applies here.

So, now that I am back in my weekend diaper, I am sexually frustrated, too warm between my legs (the diaper makes me hot down there — not sexually, thermally) and smelling less than daisy fresh down there. I have to stop myself from saying something about how I am feeling. I know from my past as a top that domination is not always fun for the bottom. In fact, it is rarely fun. But, the power exchange between Mrs. Lion and I is unmistakable. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to feel her control. Well, I feel it. I don’t like it right now, but I feel it. This isn’t Mary Poppins. There isn’t always a spoonful of sugar to make this medicine go down. While I wish I had some of that sugar right now, I am also happy in a perverse way that I feel the way I do. It means that I got my wish; Mrs. Lion is firmly in control. It’s starting to itch again down there from the sweating inside my diaper. Damn!

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in diapers, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity

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