Opening My Eyes

So much conversation on the Web by people actually involved in chastity is centered around sex. It seems ironic to me that men wearing cages spend so much time talking about getting sexual satisfaction. Some of the few keyholders who contribute also talk almost exclusively about sexual activity with their caged males. I have to admit that the non-sexual stuff relating to my chastity is mostly about keeping from smelling like pee, avoiding pinching when sitting in certain chairs, and dealing with peeing sitting down. None of those topics are very interesting, even to me.

A recent post has generated some rare insights into some keyholder feelings that I, for one, didn’t really understand. Being caged sets up some very specific expectations of our keyholders. They are expected to keep us locked up, tease us, give us orgasms from time to time, and demand the sexual pleasure they want. The first three represent things they do to or for us, the last something we do for them. But there’s a problem. Our keyholders are expected to take their pleasure from us. We are not giving it to them. Being “forced” to please our keyholders is really an extension of our chastity fantasy. We have surrendered control and our keyholders have taken it.

It didn’t occur to me that having to “take” pleasure from me wouldn’t be as wonderful for my Lioness as it would be for me. As it turns out, she really doesn’t want to do that at all. She doesn’t even want to tell me to please her. I knew some of this. We had talked about this topic a few times. I didn’t realize that her unwillingness to demand pleasure extended so much further. She really wants a very vanilla approach to lovemaking. She needs me to initiate cuddling and other pleasant romantic activities and then ease into pleasing her. There is nothing about my chastity that would prevent this. There are a few issues I have that cause me a problem.

One reason, I suspect, that forced chastity is so appealing to me is that it should relieve me of the need to initiate sex. Most of the stuff I read online (from real couples, not solo male fantasies) has the female partner being assertive about her sexual needs. The male, if he knows what’s good for him, makes sure she gets what she wants. As the initial comment to my previous post pointed out, that isn’t the case with her, and it isn’t the case with Mrs. Lion.

I can’t find any working models that fit this other case. The thing is, Mrs. Lion is right. She is locking me up because it is what I want. She is providing the teasing and orgasm control I want and need. What she isn’t doing is changing her basic sexual needs. As a result, she gives up sex for herself while continuing to please me. I can’t speak for anyone else, but this is not acceptable to me. What I imagined to be a way that we both could get what we need and have a lot of fun has turned out to be a selfish exercise for my pleasure alone. To try to fix it, I proposed scheduling Lioness pleasing. That way, I thought, she wouldn’t have to initiate or demand anything and I could feel the control the schedule imposes. Not true.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t want scheduled sex. She wants a vanilla man/woman interaction that includes me initiating affection that will escalate to full on sex. I should be able to do that without any problem, but I can’t. My Lioness has been willing to do so much to make me happy and I am saying I can’t do what she needs. That has to end. I have to change and change now.

What started as a sexually exciting adventure into forced male chastity is becoming a deeper, emotional journey for us both. I had started to wonder what I would write here. The idea of generating real-life porn by relating each sexual adventure just doesn’t fit me well. Now I am finding that living in a cage has opened some new doors. I think you may be reading more about my efforts, successful and unsuccessful to please my Lioness. I suspect that she and I are not alone in this. If this fits your life, please add your voice. If it doesn’t, don’t worry, there are lots of sexy adventures ahead if I know my Lioness.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Lion's Journal, Living with chastity, Sex
2 comments on “Opening My Eyes
  1. wishful4 says:

    My Keyholder and I have gotten ourselves into a chasm much the same as you, but I’m not sure I see the way out yet. We started much the same as you. I introduced her to MC and she was willing to do her part as a keyholder. She was even mildly interested in some aspects to begin with. But, in time, her interest has waned. I want so much to get it back.

    What do I want? I want her to keep me locked except when she wants me unlocked to play or some other reason. I want her to establish rules for when I am to be unlocked and when I am to be re-locked again and I want her to enforce them or, at least, check to make sure I am complying. I want more intimacy in our lives. Not necessarily more sex, just more closeness. I want to be teased and denied. I don’t want to resort to masturbating all the time. I want to be kept from it. I want her to be interested in keeping me from it. I want her to initiate sex when, and how she wants it, and for her satisfaction to come first. There’s nothing I want more. I want her to be more dominant in our day to day lives.

    What does she want? It seems to be a moving target so I’m not sure I know completely. When we make love, she enjoys it very much and has multiple orgasms. However, if I didn’t initiate it, I think she would go months between trysts. That wouldn’t be such a big deal (we are older folks), but there is little or no intimacy in between and I’m not completely sure why. I’m thinking that, like Mrs Lion, she, too, is just interested in vanilla lovemaking these days. We both used to be quite the kinksters in our younger years and have tried many different things, but her interest in anything of that sort seems to have gone by the wayside with the hands of time. The biggest change is mostly a result of her medical issues. She had a complete hysterectomy about 10 years ago and our intimate life has gone downhill ever since. I guess all this focus by me on MC and FLM is just an attempt to relight the fire under our love life and find something that turns her on even a little bit. Last time she had me unlock for visiting company, I hid the device in our closet. Once our guests left, she hasn’t mentioned it and it has been in the closet for a month now. I have to face the fact that MC is just not on her priority list. It’s not that she won’t do it for me, she just doesn’t think about it. I can live without it, but I can’t stop thinking about the potential I think it could have for our relationship if she would just fully invest in it. Just wishful, maybe selfish?, thinking on my part.

    • Caged Lion says:

      It might be more what you want. It seems to me that you are waiting for your wife to do something. In my marriage, chastity was my idea and my interest. My Lioness is kind enough to support this interest. If you are waiting for your wife to independently embrace chastity, you may have a very long wait. Why not discuss it with her and see if she will let you be locked up. In terms of a female led marriage, doesn’t she need to embrace that concept? Maybe baby steps would work for both of you. Why not ask her to lock you up again and negotiate what that means. Let her decide what she is willing to do. Ask her what she wants from you. It might be a useful conversation.