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In: Male Chastity

During the day, Lion and I send each other text messages. Some are silly love notes. Some are housekeeping. Can you get the dry cleaning? Did you deposit that check? Any ideas for dinner? When I do remember to deposit that check, Lion usually says, “Thank you, ma’am.” Last week I asked him if he could make dinner. He said, “Yes, ma’am.” I know he’s looking for “good boy” or “thank you, my pet” or words to that effect, but it seems unnatural to me to say them. I do, of course, say thank you and please. But there’s something about speaking down to him that grates against my nerves. I say “good girl” to the
dog. Why would I say that to another human being?

The other day, at work, one of my coworkers and her immediate supervisor were going over stuff that needed to be done. The supervisor said, “Can you do X?” and the employee said, “Yes, boss.” This went on for about five minutes. Whatever the supervisor asked for, the employee said, “Yes, boss.” This is not normal chatter around the office. It didn’t seem like a sarcastic “yes, boss” but I couldn’t tell for sure. Usually a “yes, ma’am” is done tongue in cheek with our crew. We do recognize the supervisors are above us in the company structure but for the most part, from our point of view, the supervisors are the ones who get paid to make the decisions so we defer to them. Even when I was a supervisor no one ever said, “yes, ma’am” to me.

So how to deal with Lion and his need to call me ma’am? Up to now I have just responded to him normally. I’ve been trying to condition myself not to cringe or sigh when he does it. I’m hoping eventually it will not sound as ridiculous to me as it does now. I’m also hoping that I will not sound as ridiculous as I do now when I call him a good boy. Then again, it seemed ridiculous to spank him so I guess anything is possible.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Sex

Many caged males and their keyholders perceive the power exchange the cage represents as far more than just locking up his penis and leaving it in its cage. All of the fantasies and many real life couples practice some form of keyholder control, at least of sexual matters. Many of us caged males crave rules and discipline. We want to feel our keyholder’s control beyond our little cages.

For a new keyholder, these interests in rules and discipline can come as a surprise. Without prior experience in topping, the new keyholder can feel lost and inadequate. Fear not! You can do this. Actually, the first step: caging your male’s penis was the hardest. It introduced what you might have considered an alien experience. You agreed to lock him up. Now there’s more? Yup, there is.

Like any kid with a new toy, your caged male will be enthusiastic and anxious to experience everything he dreamed about all at once. That can create a giant anxiety attack for a new keyholder. This is the first opportunity for you to use your new power. I know, you never asked for power; you just locked him up because he asked you to do it. For better or worse, you did do it and now you discover there could be a lot more. Read on, help is here.

First thing, because you have the key, you are in charge. Use this authority to firmly remind him that you will decide what happens next. You can thank him for his input, but in the future don’t volunteer advice. Of course, he will ignore your request. If he persists in his demands and questions, you need to be a bit firmer. My suggestion is that you tell him to stop. Tell him that all he needs to know is that you have locked him up and that you will tell him anything else he should know. Questions and requests are not welcome.

Here’s the hard part. He persists. Now you are at a crucial crossroad, dealing with a naughty boy. While you didn’t sign on for it, discipline generally is part of the keyholder’s job.  Depending how you feel about it, you have some fairly simple choices:

Behavior that has to stop now
Persistent questions and requests get annoying. If you want that to stop and stay stopped, your discipline needs to be real. You need to do something that will act as a true deterrent. Spanking is probably not a good choice. Many males really want that. For behavior you want to quickly modify, you need to be more drastic. If there is something he likes to do such as play video games, watch sports on TV, go out with his friends, etc., tell him that he is banned from that favorite thing for a week and that if he doesn’t stop now, it will be two weeks. He may object saying that he won’t do it. The response is simple: get your key and tell him that he either accepts your punishment or the cage comes off forever. It’s his choice. Either way you win. By the way, that’s critical. He must see discipline as a no-win for him. He either does what you say or he ends his chastity fantasy. It’s that simple. This won’t be easy for you to do, but believe me, if you don’t set these boundaries early, he will end up topping you and you will be his chastity slave.

Corrections and conditioning
Since we know that caged males crave rules and regimen, it would be very fulfilling for him if you find some rules he can follow that don’t take up too much of your emotional and physical time. Then, there are behaviors you want to modify it because you just want to. You can make this fun.

  • Sexual behavior This covers sexual conditioning for your caged male. There are two main categories: orgasm control and the cost of coming.
    Orgasm control is important if you want to assure your male only comes when you want but you still want to make some use of his penis. The objective is to get him to avoid orgasm without permission. If you want to play with his penis and you don’t want any accidents, inform him of this and tell him to warn you if he is close. Similarly, if you want penetration and you do this with or without desensitizing cream, he must warn you and give you a chance to stop the penetration before the accident. Infractions can be punished in any number of ways. One of my favorites is spanking. I like to be spanked, up to a point. Since this is not a recreational spanking, it should be done with a paddle that really stings and at full force until you feel he has learned. It’s probably a good idea to restrain him for this. Instead, or in addition, add time to his “sentence”. Make him wait another week or more before his next scheduled release. The objective is to condition him to ejaculate only when you give him permission. Over time, this is amazingly effective.Paying for release

    is a fun concept. In practice, every time he is allowed to ejaculate he must do something to “pay” for it. Some keyholders enjoy post-orgasm penis torture. Most men become painfully sensitive to touching the tip of their penises shortly before or after ejaculation. Vigorously rubbing the head after ejaculation will turn into something  he will love to hate. Another very appropriate payment is requiring him to consume (eat) his semen each time he comes. Most men will hate this too and will probably learn to love hating it. After all, it’s only fair he clean up after himself.

  • Rules Many caged males crave some rules that their keyholders will enforce. The big problem to the keyholder is that making rules means monitoring compliance and enforcement. This can become a tiresome time and energy drain. It’s also not easy to come up with rules you can live with, much less him. My lioness came up with a very clever rule: she requires me to wear a diaper from Friday evening until I dress for work on Monday. This rule requires no real effort to monitor and enforcement is a spanking. Also, if there is any reason I need to be out of diaper during the weekend, I must make up the time during the week. This may not appeal to you as a keyholder. I am not fond of it at all as a caged lion. But, it is effective and it conditions me to obedience. If you come up with any rules that you like, please add them as a comment to this post.

No matter how you slice it, forced male chastity is a form of sexual submission. It’s rarely the only submissive thing that a chastity couple do. The key for a new keyholder is to understand this and to realize that her caged male probably has a conscious or unconscious need for this. Most important is for you to do this your way and in your own time. You own the chastity relationship, he doesn’t.

By:
In: Male Chastity

I’ve always known I was different. I would say I’m more of a submissive person although I don’t like being told what to do. See? Weird. I take pleasure in the suffering of certain people. See? Twisted. But not in the suffering of my Lion. If only I was weird and twisted the same way my Lion is weird and twisted we wouldn’t have any problems.

When Lion first explained to me that he wanted to be submissive I told him I didn’t know if I could do it. The first time I spanked him must have felt like a fly landing on him. Eventually I got better at it. A few times I even left bruises. We’ve tried lots of different things over the years. None of them turn me on. I may have been horny many times but it wasn’t the act itself that turned me on. It’s just something I do for him.

I gave him new restraints for Valentine’s day so it’s not that I’m against the whole idea. And I can’t tell you how many times I tell myself tonight will be the night it changes. Just the other night I thought about teasing him and at some point jumping on top and telling him it was my turn and he better not come until I gave him permission. But then as I was teasing him I wasn’t turned on and I just wound up teasing him till he had an orgasm.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal

While we focus on forced male chastity as our primary topic. It’s clear that most of us don’t just get caged or cage our partners and do nothing else. While we focus on caging cocks, I haven’t found anyone including my lioness who has no further ambitions. Full time caging is probably the most radical of activities since it permeates every single second of my life, but there are other fun things that almost always seem to go along with the cage. Exactly what these other items on the menu are depends on the keyholder.

Virtually every keyholder engages in regular cock teasing. We caged males learn to expect and enjoy being teased to the brink of orgasm and then locked up again without the climax. I get the feeling that there is an emotional basis for keyholders loving this activity. When our penises were unrestrained, females knew that there was a point of no return, beyond which they would be getting some sticky male fluids in or on them. Some girls apparently loved to see how far they could go without the boy squirting. I never experienced this myself, but many guys have.

“Nice” girls never did that to their dates. Many guys worked hard to get sexual attention of some sort from their female dates. I did. I had a fairly high success rate in my salad days. The point is that many women when they become keyholders and their caged males talk about teasing, a light bulb might go on and they realize this is their chance to be bad girls and tease their helpless caged males. Even if that thought didn’t occur to them at first, it has to be delicious to frustrate their partners and watch their faces change when they realize they won’t be coming today.

Tease and denial is nearly universal. Some consider it part of forced chastity, but it really isn’t. It’s just something that goes with the cage like peanut butter and jelly. Other things also find their way into the forced chastity lifestyle: spanking, bondage — it’s good to tie up a horny, caged male before taking him out of his cage, anal play, you name it. Forced chastity is a power exchange with the male surrendering power to the female.

If you are new to this kink, think about the other possibilities that might go along with what you are doing. Forced male chastity is much more fun if it isn’t practiced À La Carte.