One of the most frequent questions I get is, “How do I introduce forced chastity to my wife?” There are variations on the theme, but this is the bottom line. We have a section of the site dedicated to new or potential keyholders, but we didn’t talk about how to introduce this idea. I know that in my case it was really difficult. For a very long time I thought about being caged. I also thought about how strange an idea this would be for my lioness. It’s totally counter intuitive. How do you explain to your wife that you want her to lock up your penis so you can’t have sex?
No matter how I thought about it, the conversation would be very difficult. Am I a pervert? Is this desire a sick sexual need that will cause her to think less of me? I finally realized that the biggest barrier to discussing forced chastity with my lioness was me; my insecurities about my wish to be caged. The problem wasn’t figuring out how to discuss my need. It was accepting my desire to do this. Until I could feel comfortable about wanting my penis caged, I couldn’t do a good job communicating my desire to Mrs. Lion.
It took a while to think this through. I realized that my real desire was to transfer control of my sexuality to my lioness. I want her to own that part of me. In fact, it is a huge turn on to me to surrender control to her. In fairness to her, we had many conversations in the past about my interest in a power exchange. We had experimented with spanking, anal play, and other sexual topping and bottoming activities. Mrs. Lion tried these with me over the years. I really enjoyed those sessions. She said that she didn’t really enjoy them but did it for me. That was a wonderful gift, but really didn’t get to the core need for power exchange. It was fun, but that deeper itch remained unscratched.
Every time I thought about forced chastity, I got very aroused. Ironic. I knew that if I explained what I wanted to do to Mrs. Lion that she would probably agree. However, her agreement would be out of a desire to make me happy. I knew she wouldn’t feel any investment in the activity. Knowing that prevented me from approaching her for a very long time.
I continued to think about forced chastity. I finally realized that some might consider it strange, but in the context of my desire to feel control, it was actually a very good way to experience it. The benefit of forced chastity is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to change her lifestyle. She doesn’t have to be a dominatrix. She can be herself and still keep me caged. I realized that I could feel the control without feeling too guilty that she was not getting anything out of it. Still, I couldn’t get past the fact that there is nothing in it for her.
Based on my contact with other men in similar situations, many rationalize this one-way relationship by thinking that their partners should enjoy it. Or, that because they want it, their partners must learn to love it too. I just couldn’t do that. Over the years, my desire for sexual control had made me withdraw from initiating sexual activity with my lioness. She doesn’t want to initiate either. As a result she was not getting any sexual pleasure from me.
After considering this for a while, I realized that we needed to change things. How could locking me up do anything to fix this? The selfish part of me thought that if she locked me up, then she would feel more willing to ask for me to please her. To me that would be a win/win. Of course that’s not true. In reality, she would feel pressure to do something she really doesn’t want to do. Then I thought I could ask her if I could do specific things to please her and all she would have to do would be to accept or decline. I also thought that since I am locked up, there is no pressure to reciprocate. If she doesn’t reciprocate, that would be a positive reinforcement of my desire to be sexually controlled.
With that in mind, I asked her. She agreed. I started this journal shortly after she said yes. We have been struggling with just how to make things work for over two months now. There are still some paradoxes that we have to work out. I have found that I really enjoy asking her if I can do things to please her. That is a paradox because in my role I shouldn’t ask for anything sexual for myself or for her. Given our current situation, I think asking her still gives her control without requiring her to initiate. I haven’t done a good job of avoiding letting her know I am horny. I am working hard to avoid that now. I want her to make me wait even if I really want to orgasm.
On her side, she is adapting to this lifestyle. I don’t think she is internalizing what we do, but at least she is getting some benefits. She has given me some assignments, like breakfast on weekends, and she seems a bit more comfortable with her role as keyholder. We are communicating more, and I am still locked up 24/7.
So, my advice to prospective caged males is to take the time to think through what you want. Ignore the fantasies and take the time to fully understand how you and your partner can fit this lifestyle into your relationship. Once you do this, talk to her about it. Explain what you have been thinking about; not the fantasies, but how you see it fitting into your relationship. If she wants to consider locking you up, don’t rush or pressure her. Direct her to resources that can help her understand just what this is about (like this journal) and give her time to decide if she wants to do this. Don’t push her or discuss it further. Let her consider the next steps and when she is ready, she will approach you. I know this isn’t the answer you wanted to hear, but it is the only one that will produce a willing keyholder for a happily caged male.