In a way it’s ironic that when you finally get what you want, it can turn out to take away something you need. This is the theme of the “deal with the devil” stories. The hero makes a deal with the devil for wealth or women (or men for that matter), and then gets sick or loses other precious parts of his life. The moral, of course, is that we have so much more than we realize that when we replace it with something we think want more. I suspect that something similar can happen with forced male chastity.
It makes sense to me. Being locked up and feeling my keyholder’s control has been something I have wanted for a long time. It hasn’t been that Mrs. Lion has been unwilling and finally relented. It has been something inside me that stopped me from trying. I can’t explain why I decided finally to try chastity for real, but some switch inside me flipped and I did. Now I have been locked up a few months and have settled in to my new role. My lioness has become more and more actively using her authority. It should be perfect, right?
I have to admit that in many ways it is. I am getting what I wanted. I am also learning that it’s not as easy to surrender as I thought. I’m not making it as easy as I should for my keyholder. In some ways forced chastity has improved our relationship. It has forced us to talk about needs we both have. Communication has improved. So, in that respect this is certainly not a deal with the devil.
But there is a hidden loss. It’s the very necessary man/woman relating as lovers and friends that can disappear into the forced chastity power exchange. While chastity power exchange is by definition, intimate, it isn’t the same intimacy as lying in each others arms and just feeling the love you share. Years ago I was in a power exchange relationship as a full time top. I loved my bottom. That was the problem. If we were to have a full time top/bottom relationship, where was the room for love as equals?
It’s obvious then that all we have to do is make some time for this important expression of our love. Obvious but not easy. Some couples, when they come to this conclusion, actually schedule time for this. That goes against what most of us like to believe about love. We like to think it is spontaneous and need no planning. This is where the deal with the devil takes its bite out of us. In a relationship where we have added a power exchange, we have effectively removed the bottom’s ability to spontaneously initiate affectionate lovemaking.
Ok, that possibility does exist now, but not in the minds of many caged men. We are learning that sex (and in most men’s minds that also equates to affection) should be under the control of our keyholders. On the other hand, our keyholders value spontaneous affection more than planned encounters. There’s the rub. Many women consider affection initiated by their partners to be more meaningful than affection they initiate. Caged males believe that initiating affection breaks the rules of their chastity. So we get our beloved power exchange but apparently have to trade it for a loss to our relationships. The classic deal with the devil.
If this loss isn’t dealt with, one of two things will happen: the chastity will end due to the loss of emotional connection, or the relationship will end for the same reason. I don’t want either outcome. What it means to me is that I have to talk about this with my keyholder. I have to work with her to find a way to take breaks from our chastity lifestyle and return for a few hours to our vanilla relationship. We need to do this regularly. I, particularly, have to realize that my keyholder is paying a price for my chastity and I have to make sure that I give back what she needs to be happy with me, us, and forced male chastity.