Until very recently I hadn’t given a great deal of thought to how a keyholder might perceive her role and how it affects her. I think that we caged males expect our keyholders to get aroused by the various aspects of our being locked up. I did at first. It is an unreasonable expectation. For example, why would a woman be turned on by her male having his penis in a cage? If anything, it would make sex more difficult for her. We males are turned on because it represents the surrender of control. Should we believe that having control is arousing to our keyholder?
In the more than two decades I was a top, I don’t think that I found the things I did as a top to be sexually arousing. Being male, I liked to see my naked submissive partner. I like to see naked women. She didn’t find being naked for me to be arousing. She found being spanked incredibly arousing. As the top, spanking her was big fun, but not in itself a sexual turn on. The power over her was a turn on, but not the act. I loved all the things I did to her. It was fun and I enjoyed her reactions. But I wasn’t hard while I was topping. I was working hard and having a good time.
Sound familiar? I think we’ve seen keyholders here say that spanking us, tying us up,us, and any number of other activities that get us really hot, didn’t really turn them on. They said they like doing it and it pleases them that it turns us on. I am guilty of expecting more; wanting them to be aroused. In my case, I should have known better. I’ve been on the other side of the paddle so long, I should have known better.
When I think about why I was blind to this obvious difference between bottom and top, I realize that a good bit of this is guilt. I understand that I am asking my keyholder to do a lot of things to support my forced chastity. I want her to get benefits from my captivity too. Is this a form of topping from the bottom? Am I trying to control her emotional investment in my chastity? It could be. In my mind it is difficult to believe that she can keep this up for long unless she is getting something out of it too. I have to trust that she is getting enough for herself to keep it up. Trust is a key virtue for a bottom.