Inertia and Inconsistencies
I would be the first to admit that I am the poster child for laziness. I blame it on medical issues and the fact that, quite frequently, any extraneous movements will lead to days of pain. But the truth is, I’m just lazy. It’s ridiculous because I used to be very active. In a former life I played soccer; I helped my then husband build a house; I chased my kids around. And then as the marriage fell apart I got discouraged and lazy.
About a week ago Lion said my problem was inertia. I told him he was using a kinder word than laziness. But he pointed out that I do work hard. The problem is that when I am at rest I tend to stay at rest. He is correct. So I’ve been trying to do more.
Yesterday and today were sort of rocky days for me. I’ve been feeling like I’m failing as Lion’s top. He said he feels bad about it and we should stop. I told him I’d definitely be a failure if we stop and it wouldn’t make either of us happy. I realized this morning that for years I’ve been doing this alone. Other than asking Lion for help (which of course is him topping from the bottom) I’ve had no support. I can’t exactly talk to my coworkers about this. So Lion gave me this advice: be brave and don’t be inconsistent. He’s absolutely correct. I make rules for him and I don’t follow through. It has to be frustrating.
So I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m determined to beat these bad habits. My Lion deserves it.