(Friday, May 2 2014) Last night (writing this on Friday 5/2/14) we had another very intense tease and deny session. As I wrote before, this left me feeling oddly satisfied and frustrated at the same time. I really wanted an orgasm, but none was forthcoming. That, of course is par for the course and I expected I would be locked up unfulfilled. I’m learning that there’s a gap between knowing and experiencing.
Lioness told me that last night I just went to sleep without even kissing her goodnight. I don’t remember that. I also don’t remember feeling particularly unhappy or upset. This morning I was grumpy about the toast being cold. I never give that a thought under normal circumstances. She said that maybe she was teasing me too much (every day) or too close to orgasm. She didn’t suggest she should let me orgasm though. She’s learning to be a good top. Be careful what you wish for, lion.
One problem I have to solve is dealing with these feelings. But first I need to realize I am having them. Since my frustration bled into our non-chastity life, it makes it hard on Mrs. Lion to handle. She didn’t know immediately why I was upset. This is part of our learning curve in this lifestyle. I haven’t had to wait long to come and I was never teased consistently over days before. I had no idea I would react this way. She certainly didn’t either.
Clearly I misbehaved. I let feelings that belong with our chastity leak out into our marriage. Worse yet, my behavior discourages lioness from controlling me further. She doesn’t want a grumpy lion on her hands. I feel very badly that I behaved this way. From my perspective, I need to learn a lesson. I think this is a legitimate place for punishment. I don’t know if being punished will prevent me from feeling grumpy and frustrated, but I think it will let me feel better that it has been dealt with and we can move on.
This view from the bottom is new to me. I am beginning to see that punishment is important for a number of reasons: to correct for bad behavior on the spot, to add to the feeling of being controlled, and to provide absolution for bad behavior. There is a difference between the first and third reason. The first reason is to discourage naughty behavior, like playing with oneself. The third is a way of closing the book on something that I feel guilty about.
Normally, as an adult, I don’t expect punishment at all. So, apparently because I surrender sexual control, the consequences, at least for me, includes discipline. As I think about it, I can see how this is starting to work for me. I can’t really give up control without also accepting the consequences of disobedience or naughty behavior. For me, there is a connection with the feeling of being controlled with discipline. Other caged males may find the very act of preventing orgasm sufficient to produce the same feelings.
I expect that most caged males need a discipline component to their chastity. Some, like me, may need it more often. I think it is important for a top to understand what makes her caged male tick. This, of course, is only learned through experience. I really had no intention of provoking punishment. I didn’t want to be surly. I feel guilty that I was naughty. I also have to admit that I had no idea all this would come up in the context of forced male chastity.