(Saturday, May 3, 2014) Last night lioness gave me relief from a week of tease and denial. She started by orally teasing me a few times. I really needed release, but I was resigned to yet another day of frustration. As she wrote in her post, she decided to finally give me an orgasm. It was wonderful! Emotionally, I felt like the sun came out. Until it was brought to my attention, I hadn’t realized that my personality changed as a result of all that waiting and frustrating play. It had a very noticeable, and negative effect. Before being caged, I had a very easy solution to frustration: I used my hand to get release. It was simple and only took a few minutes. That option no longer exists. I haven’t masturbated in over three months. I am totally dependent on my keyholder for sexual release. I learned that I am fairly friendly and docile about this condition if I have to wait three or four days. After that, I transform into a sexual Mr. Hyde.
I have no idea if the amount of time between one orgasm and the next is fixed in terms of my emotional transformation. I do know that the change is pretty dramatic. Long-term abstinence has never been a goal of mine. Keyholder sexual control is what I seek. Does that mean that I must be made to wait more than four days or so? Do I have a hard limit that I must get an orgasm at least once a week? Of course, my feelings about this don’t go into my keyholder’s decision about when I may or may not orgasm.
I find that I do like tease and deny. I like the tension and the excitement for both of us. It’s sex, just not necessarily fulfilling sex for me. Daily tease and deny is something I came to anticipate with excitement. It was fun! So why should it turn me into a grumpy lion after a few days?
I don’t think I can help it. There may be some male hormonal balance that gets upset and makes me cranky. Perhaps my biology has programmed me this way. The longer I have to wait while receiving regular stimulation, the more driven I am to orgasm. Biology is not my friend here. Do I want to learn to wait longer. No! Should I learn? Yes! That’s the price of being a caged male.
As of today I remain unpunished for my bad behavior. I am still affected by feeling badly that I didn’t handle the frustration very well. That also surprises me. This lion is getting an education. I have been wondering about milking and ruined orgasms. I understand that milking only reduces the frustration for a short time while the semen supply rebuilds. I keep reading that ruined orgasm provides no release from the frustration. In the interests of science I would like to explore that. Stay tuned. I will use the journal to keep you posted on my adventures and frustrations.