What Is Sexual Control?

turned off switch

Sexual control often extends past preventing erection and orgasm.

(Tuesday, May 27 2014) One of the reasons I wanted to be caged was my desire to feel Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. We have been learning exactly what this means. The obvious meaning is, of course, controlling if and when I get to orgasm. Does this mean that there are only two ways to experience this control: making me wait longer and longer to come, or making me come more frequently than I want? If that’s the case, my opportunities to orgasm will be further and further apart. Is that the only way to do this?

I, for one, would rather not be made to wait months for an orgasm in order for Mrs. Lion to demonstrate her control. Given, our rediscovered sex life I would hate for that to happen. I do agree with her recent post that demonstrating control by increasing my waiting time is a good idea. I just don’t want this wait to get longer and longer. Of course, that isn’t my call and I am prepared to wait as long as she makes me. Is there any other way to demonstrate this control?

It seems to me that sexual control also extends to rules that I am required to obey and the discipline I must experience if I disobey. In my mind, being disciplined is the strongest expression of control. This probably goes back to my childhood where there was virtually no discipline. I think I associate discipline, which requires noting my behavior and reacting to it, as an expression of love. This isn’t universal. Many caged males see sexual deprivation the same way I see discipline.

It may make no sense on the surface. How is spanking or giving me a correction with the shock collar sexual control? To me, knowing that Mrs. Lion will do these unpleasant things to me is a big turn on. I get aroused thinking about her corrections and spankings. However, the actual correction or spanking does not arouse me. I hate it when it happens. Later, after the pain subsides, my memory of the discipline is arousing. I get a similar set of feelings from tease and deny as well. But the biggest turn on for me is the discipline.

Forced male chastity is an obvious and very strong expression of loss of control. I realize I have lost the ability to get hard and to make myself come. I like that a lot. However, I don’t feel a constant yearning to get hard and get off; at least up to now. That could change if I am teased and forced to wait longer. I don’t know. If I think about being forced to wait a few more days for being naughty, or more powerfully, being spanked or shocked, always starts a “chubby” in my cage.

Does that mean I could feel Mrs. Lion’s control without the cage? I am sure it does. But the chastity device I wear serves a purpose that goes beyond control. It provides an unmistakable reminder to Mrs. Lion that I am completely dependent on her for any sexual activity; that my penis is only available to me for urination. None of the fun stuff is under my control. I like that feeling. One of the most dramatic and frightening-to-some-men aspects of forced male chastity is the absolute loss of independent sexual activity. I not only can’t masturbate; I can’t even get hard. That does reach deep into the male psyche.

One reason that forced male chastity isn’t more popular is the absolutely real loss of sexual control. Unlike “play” where the man is disciplined during play sessions but is free to function independently the rest of the time, caged males have a permanent loss of sexual control as long as his keyholder keeps him locked in. I haven’t seen a case when just lockup and sexual deprivation is enough. Virtually all caged males need additional control and discipline as well. This makes the keyholder’s job more complex than just locking up her male and giving him an occasional orgasm. It also explains why only a small number of women are willing to pursue this long term.

One of the key ways we caged males can help our keyholders succeed and feel satisfaction with their skill at male control is to clearly communicate what works for us. I honestly didn’t know what to tell Mrs. Lion when we started. I am very grateful she loves me enough to experiment. I am learning what works for me and she is learning what works for her. We are communicating better than we ever have. We are both growing. Most importantly, we are both actively working to please each other. I am trying my best to reawaken her libido and please her more and more. She is working hard to make me feel her sexual control. I can’t ask for more than that.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Discipline, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity