(Wednesday, May 28 2014) Lying in bed awake in the predawn hours, my mind was very active. I started thinking about my forced chastity. It didn’t help that I had an insistent erection being frustrated by my cage. The erection wasn’t uncomfortable or painful in any way. Like most men, I get them regularly during the night and early morning. They very rarely wake me. This was the case last night. I just woke up and sleep refused to return. At times like this I tend to have my most pessimistic thoughts. I tend to question all sorts of things. Last night my erection turned me toward my chastity.
Why am I doing this? Is Mrs. Lion really locking me up only because I want it? What would happen if we just stopped? I also thought about this blog. Is it a good idea to publicly share our most intimate moments? Why do I publish a list of my sexual activities on a chastity blog? What was I thinking? On the evening before: How didturn into yet another ? What am I doing wrong? Why do I try to escape a spanking I know I earned and I asked for? Questions, questions, questions!
Some of these questions do deserve answers. So here goes:
Why do I list Lion’s Adventures on a chastity blog? In the beginning I thought it would be useful to record how things changed for me after being locked up. The statistics to date tell an interesting story: I am having more sex than before I was locked up. Interesting. I think it is time, however, to stop recording and publishing these events. Mrs. Lion disagrees and the page will continue to be updated.
Why am I doing this? This is the most difficult question. It’s one I struggle to answer. The simple fact is that fifteen years ago I read something about forced male chastity. It struck a chord in my psyche. It probably related to my arousal at the thought of control being taken from me. It also comes back to my difficulty initiating; probably because I have a sexual submissive nature. This is in sharp contrast to the rest of my life where I am outgoing and aggressive. It might be a Yin Yang balance of energy in my spirit. Whatever it is, from the day I first read about it, I was hooked. I spent years testing and reviewing chastity devices. Over the last few years I didn’t think about it too much. Then, by chance I discovered that Amazon.com sold inexpensive chastity cages. I got excited and ordered a couple. I liked what I tried and I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. She did and here I am now ensconced in my little cage for over three months.
Why is edging turning into ruined orgasms? What am I doing wrong? These are very good questions. When Mrs. Lion pushes me close to the edge, even though semen doesn’t emit immediately, I lose my erection and then it oozes out. When that happens, it does feel like the beginning of an orgasm. The muscles in my upper thighs tighten and hurt a bit. Then it stops. It’s not Mrs. Lion’s fault. Clearly I have a hair trigger when I get close. It’s like there is no time between strong arousal and ejaculation. It isn’t that I come immediately. She has to play with me for at least five minutes or more first. It’s just that I go from really excited to ejaculation in no time. We both have to work on this to see if we can separate the events more. In this case, practice makes perfect.
Is Mrs. Lion locking me up just because I want it? The obvious answer is yes. That was true from the beginning. The middle-of-the-night question is more difficult: is my chastity becoming part of her life the way it is for me? If it isn’t, what does that mean for me going forward? The obvious pessimism is present in the questions themselves. Of course, I don’t know the answer. My guess is that while locking me up isn’t yet a part of her life, the changes we are both making are turning the experience into something she wants too. We are both much more aware of each others sexual needs. Mrs. Lion’s libido is growing. If this becomes more important to her depends on where she can find pleasure in my chastity. If she finds herself aroused by either my cage or the changes I make because of the cage, then I imagine I am locked up for keeps. If not, the only thing keeping me in this is my desire to be there. I want that choice not to be mine. If I get tired of my cage, I hope by that time Mrs. Lion will not even consider a request to release me. In the middle of the night, I can’t really believe that will ever happen. Now, in the light of day, I am more optimistic.
What would happen if we just stopped? I thought about this last night. Let’s say that when tonight, Mrs. Lion unlocks me for a doctor appointment tomorrow, I ask her to just put the cage away and she agrees. How will things change? Will we go back to our former existence where we had little sex and no communication about it? Would she still want to spank me and tease me? Would I masturbate if frustrated? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. Good thing I still want to be locked up.
Why do I try to escape a spanking? I think I do know the answer to this.† I think it is normal to try to stop the pain and escape. I wriggle and roll over and only reluctantly roll back for more. I think this confuses Mrs. Lion. After all, I want the spanking, why shouldn’t I lie there and take it? I think I do know the answer to that. In my mind the spanking is something that turns me on to want and think about later, but the true turn on is that she is doing something to me that I hate and am powerless to stop. I think she needs to prevent me from escaping and focus on administering the paddling I need. She can put me over the edge of the bed and straddle my back or tie me down, but I don’t think I can lay still and take it; at least not yet. I suppose she can let me know that if she needs to restrain me, I will get much more and encourage me to take it. If I try to turn over, then restrain me and start again. That thought contributed to my pre-dawn erection.
Another thought I had was about this blog and its effect on us. I think we are communicating to each other via our posts. I want to be clear that today’s post is not intended to send any messages to Mrs. Lion. It’s just what I was thinking about.† What do you think about?