In Lion’s post today he says that in order to sustain our power exchange I need to find value in it. The only value I see so far is that it makes him happy. Why can’t that be good enough right now?
I spent the day busy at work and, as we often do, we started out texting and then emailing back and forth. I had already started my post for yesterday before I read Lion’s. I told him I thought it was funny that we took away different things from the same play session. He asked if his post was wrong. It’s his point of view; his version of events, if you will. My point of view, my version, was different. Does that make either one of us wrong? No. Different sides of the same coin. It might be boring if we both had the same point of view.
Then he asked if I had fun during our last spanking session. I know he did. But I told him it wasn’t fun for me. It was work. He immediately apologized. I was confused. Hadn’t he said in a previous post that being a top was work and you don’t necessarily get a high like the bottom does? He said yes, but he also had gotten sex out of the deal. I should be getting something out of the deal, too. It may have been a training session for Lion, learning how to stay still while I whomp his tush, but it was a training session for me too. It’s hard work to learn how to encourage him the way he needs to be encouraged. And then I felt pressure because I figured he was getting upset that he’s making me do something I don’t want to do.
You’ve probably seen that sign that says, “I can only please one person at a time. Today isn’t your day and tomorrow isn’t looking too good either.” Well my person to please is Lion. I do love him more than anything and I usually do put his needs before my own. It drives him crazy. Since I’ve caged him I’ve learned a lot. Some things I thought I was doing right and it turns out I wasn’t. Some things I’m doing too much. Other things I’m doing too little. There’s been a lot of turmoil in the past few months. You don’t automatically start out as a black belt in karate. You have to work your way up. Right now I’m still on my clear belt. I haven’t even earned the white yet. (I know there isn’t really a clear belt.) Sure there are days I wonder what’s in it for me. I wonder that about work too. But for right now, I’m happy making Lion happy. That’s good enough. And good enough is good enough.