So Lion has been grumpy lately because I’m making him wait again. It’s true. He gets to about the fourth day and then he starts to whine. And because I haven’t actually touched him since I wrestled him into the Chinese cage, he told me that if I don’t even touch him he will lose interest. Ha! That certainly doesn’t seem to be the case. I reminded him that it was his own fault. If he hadn’t asked to be caged he would be free to do whatever he wanted. Grumble, grumble. Then he said maybe the whole thing had been a mistake. He does have a knack for making me feel guilty.
But two things he said made a lot of sense to me and started me thinking that maybe a lot of what applies to him also applies to me. I think a big part of the reason I lost interest in sex was because he couldn’t initiate. I’m not blaming it all on him. I could have explained myself better at the time. I guess I didn’t really understand it myself. In a post the other day, he said he was unable to get hard, in part, because I don’t talk to him or spank him beforehand to get him turned on. I completely understand that. When he does initiate, he sort of dives in and goes for gold without any preliminaries.
Some weeks ago I gave Lion a homework assignment. The question: If I said I wanted you to make love to me, what would you do? The only hint I gave him was that it didn’t have to start with dinner or flowers. I meant the actual act. There was no right or wrong answer. I was just looking to see how his idea compared with my idea. It turns out we weren’t too far off. The thing is, when I think of sex, that’s what I’m looking for. I think what he’s looking for is playtime ending in orgasm, or a denied orgasm now that he’s caged. Two different goals.
And what I realized last night as he was fingering me, is that it may be possible for me to have a ruined orgasm and continue to have them. It was weird. There was the build-up and the start and then something happened that just stopped it. Then another build-up, another start and another stop. And so on. It’s never happened before. I don’t know why it happened last night. He didn’t seem to do anything differently. I don’t know what I could have told him to do that would have taken it all the way. Maybe it was because he hasn’t touched me in a few days. Maybe it was stress. I don’t know. It did feel good but not as good as it usually does. Probably better than his ruined orgasms.
We’ll just have to keep experimenting and see if it happens again. I’m up for it!