Censored!

tightrope

I have to be careful about what I write. While I think I am providing my ideas, I can make Mrs. Lion feel inadequate or guilty.

Some of our readers have pointed out that they enjoy the ongoing conversation between Mrs. Lion and I. I have liked that she reacts to my posts not only here, but in our lives as well. Suggestions and comments from you have also made their way into our forced chastity lifestyle. I think this is great, but like everything else, there are problems as well.

First the good news. As a result of reading each other’s posts we are getting insights into how we think. Both Mrs. Lion and I have noted on many occasions how we have learned from the other’s writing. For me this is a double edged sword. She reads that I want definite orgasm dates and I find myself locked in for 12 days this time. She reads that spanking should go past when I want her to stop. My butt is redder. You get the gist. She writes about how punishing me makes her feel. I am careful to let her know she doesn’t need to push it. She writes about how much she wants me to initiate. I initiate. In this respect, our posts are like a magic lamp we can rub and make our wishes come true; in my case whether that will make things worse or not.

On the other side of the coin, it’s very easy to feel like a failure when your partner expresses a wish for something you thought you were already doing. This is particularly true for Mrs. Lion. I am very good about blabbing on about what I think would be good in a chastity context. She reads that as what I think would be good for me. Well, maybe that’s what I really meant. The problem is that often the implication is that what she is doing now isn’t right or isn’t good enough. Now that she talks about those feelings here, I am learning that she thinks she is doing a poor job. She isn’t. Maybe I am just over communicating.

The question I am considering is, do I edit my ideas to improve my chastity so that I won’t hurt my dear lioness? I am learning she is fragile in this respect. She appears to believe that my ideas represent areas she needs to “improve”. That’s not my intention at all. I’ve been thinking about this. In my mind the reaction I would like is, “I read your post. Right now I don’t want to do A, B, and D, but I like C and we may try that soon. In fact this is what she has been doing, but she seems to feel badly she can’t or won’t do A, B and D. I’m delighted she wants to do C.

Even though my forced chastity is an explicit statement that I am giving up control, my writing appears to be a form of control for Mrs. Lion. I don’t mean that she should categorically say no to anything I propose. As you know, I’m just full of good ideas; a veritable font of topping knowledge (kidding). I think she should use what I write and say as input that she can filter and use as she wishes. I think she is doing this much more now. She is getting particularly good at making me live the “good” ideas I express here. As a result of a recent post, I now have to wait another week to orgasm. Bummer! I’m sure I will be paying with my butt for my punishment comments yesterday. I’m fine with that. In fact it is big fun. What I am not fine with is that my communication might hurt her by making her feel inadequate. I don’t want that to happen.

If you’ve been reading my stuff for a while, you know I am not shy about saying what’s on my mind. I don’t think I can filter that very well. But I can’t have the love of my life feeling badly about what she is doing for me. So, I want to make it very clear that I am eternally grateful that she is making changes to support our chastity lifestyle. I am humbled by her ability to learn and adapt purely to make me happy. She is easily the most unselfish and loving woman I have ever known. I don’t deserve her.

Over the last five months my dear lioness has transformed into a firm and loving keyholder. She’s no pushover and I know that when she says something she means it. She is learning to ignore my grumbles. I’ve known many dominant women in my time. I didn’t bottom to most, but I count them as friends. Mrs. Lion has developed into a first class top. I know it takes a long time to know your bottom and develop techniques that meet your objectives. Mrs. Lion is doing that very well. I am very close to truly losing control. How great is that!

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity

What do you think?