Merging Realities

If you’ve been following along, Mrs. Lion and I have different views of my forced chastity. She sees it as something she does out of love for me because I want it. I see it as a new lifestyle where Mrs. Lion is in control of my sex life and some other stuff too. The problem, as I mentioned before can crop up when I decide I don’t like something and I want that something to stop. Since Mrs. Lion’s investment is in my happiness, not in controlling me, it makes sense for her to consider and then honor my request to stop. This runs counter to my deeper need for her control.

Initially, I told Mrs. Lion that my consent for caging me and all the other top/bottom activities we do was one way. Once I agree, I lose the right to revoke it. This is pretty common in the top/bottom universe. However, it’s kind of impractical as well. Can I really surrender my sexuality for the rest of my life with no possibility to modify my decision? Why should Mrs. Lion continue something that makes me unhappy? Her motivation from the start was to make me happier. You can see that this difference is bound to cause a problem or two at some point. Other couples attack this problem using some paperwork; a chastity contract. Until now I thought they made little sense since the caged male has surrendered control, how would he be able to enforce a contract. Similarly, if his keyholder wants to change the rules, by definition, she can.

So the issue is what does an agreement between caged male and keyholder have to be. Some people provide a formal contract that spells out exactly what the rights and privileges of each party is. I asked Mrs. Lion if she would like that. Her answer is that she doesn’t need that. I then pointed out that on more than one occasion she has felt guilty when she forced me to wait longer than I wanted, or hurt me in some way. My point is that if I am very explicit in what I am asking her to do, she need not feel guilty and, in fact, can find my distress funny since I had asked for it.. She agreed to that. So we decided to be less formal, though I do like things specific. Here is our current agreement:

  1. I agree (and ask) Mrs. Lion (herein referred to as “keyholder” to keep me (herein referred to as “lion” to keep me locked in a chastity device continuously (24./7 except for play time, hygiene time, medical visits, as well as possible breaks for a reason the keyholder deems necessary) Until July 4, 2016. This time may be extended by mutual agreement, but can not under any circumstances be reduced. Keyholder agrees to this.
  2. Keyholder shall tease or otherwise sexually play with lion at least three times each week. The chastity device should be removed for at least one of these occasions each week.
  3. Lion explicitly requests spanking, spanking, bondage, cock and ball play, light humiliation and other BDSM activities lion has requested or participated in over the years.
  4. Keyholder agrees to honor lion’s safeword during such play.
  5. Lion agrees that he may not renegotiate any terms of this agreement, however, keyholder may, at her own discretion reduce or eliminate any number of play periods for disciplinary reasons.
  6. Keyholder agrees to consider any new activities requested by lion, but is under no obligation to provide them.
  7. Keyholder has sole discretion how often and in what manner lion my orgasm.
  8. Keyholder agrees to consistently discipline lion for breeches of any rulse she sets.

That’s my start of it. Mrs. Lion can comment and/or agree in a future post. Reader, did I miss anything?

 

 

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Discipline, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity, Male Control (training)
3 comments on “Merging Realities
  1. Steeled Snake says:

    I’ve often wondered about these contracts. It seems like a decent idea, but then if you’re embracing the whole “she is making the rules” thing, isn’t some of it topping from the bottom?

    I mean, laying out that “Keyholder shall tease or otherwise sexually play with lion at least three times each week. The chastity device should be removed for at least one of these occasions each week” seems like that a bit, but then I’m torn. I understand the desire to say “if we’re going to do this, this is what I’m hoping for…” Still…

    There is real importance in having a common expectation – no doubt. I wonder if these should just not be called contracts and instead a letter of expectations or something. Semantics I suppose, but it’s where I get stuck.

    I’ll be curious to see what Mrs. Lion thinks about having things more defined – is it too confining, or does she like the structure?

    • Caged Lion says:

      One of the myths about this chastity stuff is that the power is absolute. It isn’t. Like any other power exchange, we agree on limits and what the power covers. She can’t order me to kill our dog, for example. The value of the agreement is that she needn’t feel badly when I am unhappy when she does something I really don’t want. After all I asked for it.

    • schnoff says:

      I, too, stumble over “keyholder shall”. In my experience, intimacy and “shall” do not go together well. And that’s my relationship, and this is between Lion and Lioness. If it works for them, all the better.

      Like you, I am curious what Lioness has to say about this contract and the language in it.