Every so often there is a disconnect between how I see being caged working and how Mrs. Lion sees what she is doing. This came up most recently when she wanted to reward me with a day off my wait and I didn’t reply positively. This was truly surprising to her. In a way, it was to me too. It caused me to do a lot of thinking over the weekend about exactly what I really want. Length of wait time isn’t it. I know that how long males have to wait is generally very variable based on both caged male and keyholder. Mrs. Lion and I are still experimenting with that. She has been taking a conservative approach, not making me wait long periods at this point. I don’t think that not having to wait long enough was the reason I didn’t want the reward.
Next, I thought about my anniversary coupons. At the time I loved the idea of being able to get off or reduce my wait by redeeming a coupon. Then Mrs. Lion wondered if my wait clock should start all over again after I redeem an orgasm coupon. It was a good point. After thinking about it, I would like the clock to start again. Then I thought that if coupons make great gifts, maybe they are also the way to manage some rewards and punishments. So I made some coupons and wrote about them in a previous post. Mrs. Lion isn’t sure how she feels about them. She just doesn’t like the idea of punishments for me. I understand that.
After all this thinking, here is what seems like a reasonable approach to me: In the case of rewards, if the reward is to take a day or more of my wait, Mrs. Lion can decide if she is willing to accept the coupon at that time. In fact, all coupons are subject to approval. I can’t just redeem them at will. If the coupon is for an orgasm, I can redeem it one of two ways: One is to get to come mid-wait. Mrs. Lion can agree to grant it, but if she does, my wait begins again after that coupon orgasm. I can also redeem it at the end of my wait time for a particular type of orgasm (oral, lion-riding, etc). If the coupon is for play, she can accept it and schedule it in the future when she feels she will have the time and energy. More importantly, Mrs. Lion can give me rewards without a coupon, just because she wants to.
Punishments are much more difficult. There is a very short list of things I can be punished for doing: spilling food, interrupting, and eating before Mrs. Lion. Each of those carries a penalty. A good part of the time, this happens in public and punishment needs to be delayed unless I am wearing the shock collar. A good percentage of the time, the punishment is forgotten by the time we are alone. There are two solutions that Mrs. Lion might like: The first is to make me keep track and remind her as soon as we are alone. Failure to do this earns a severe punishment. The second is to use my punishment coupons. She can post them on the fridge or keep them somewhere else. When she wants to execute the punishments, she can take out the coupons, read one, administer the punishment, and the go to the next coupon.
I know that Mrs. Lion is uncomfortable administering punishment. But I think this is just because she hasn’t done it often enough. This is very similar to the ruined orgasm situation. Until very recently, Mrs. Lion felt badly when she gave me a ruined orgasm. Just the other day she discovered she not only didn’t feel badly but she liked my reaction. I strongly suspect the same will be true for punishing me.
Another big part of this experience to me is attention. I’ve come to realize that I need some sort of sexual attention three or four times a week. When I am locked in my cage for two days and nights without some reminder that this is what Mrs. Lion wants, it starts to feel like it did when we almost never did anything sexual. I know Mrs. Lion plays games on her iPad to deal with stress, but it doesn’t feel good after about 24 hours without attention seeing her next to me doing that. It is too much like before.
I can’t blame her. I get plenty of attention and she works hard to make my enforced (I usually just say “forced” means the same to me) chastity work for both of us. It seems to me that since we have both agreed we will continue keeping me caged, I have become more sensitive to it being something that can just fall into another bit of work for Mrs. Lion; a bit of work she avoids when she can. Since I know she does it because I like it, I also know that she has no real incentive to pursue it and keep it fresh. I depend on her devotion to pursuing my chastity in order to keep it from becoming something that I am, essentially, doing on my own.
I know from my past experience, it is entirely too easy for me to feel more and more insecure as my surrender becomes more complete. Since I am aware of this, I am doing my best to not get sucked into the depression this can cause. I don’t expect Mrs. Lion to produce a three-ring circus starring her lion. She does so much now. I just want her to know that at the same time she struggles with rewards and punishment, I am chasing my own demons.
Yes, this is supposed to be fun. But it is also changing some very important, basic things in both of our lives. It’s unrealistic to treat chastity as a new, long-term sex game. It’s not. It does seem that the more sexual activity involved for the keyholder and teasing for the caged male, the easier it is to avoid these problems. But sooner or later something will come up that exposes the fear and worry that goes along with surrendering and accepting control of another.
[Mrs. Lion The reason I was mad at myself for prior ruined orgasms is that I was trying very hard to just edge my Lion and I kept going too far. Obviously practice hasn’t quite made perfect, but I am more confident now in my ability to edge him consistently.]