Growing Pains

Thursday’s ruined orgasm upset both of us. Mrs. Lion wrote about how it hurt her to disappoint me. It brought back feelings of inadequacy that were not far from the surface. I felt childish disappointment at losing my prize. I was wrong, of course. Her teasing was amazing. I was flying from the way she played me like a violin. She really has learned how to stimulate me like no other, including myself. So, when that stimulation went just a bit too far and I could feel myself squeezing involuntarily, I knew we had passed the point of no return.

I was sad and it showed. I could see that she was upset too. Things didn’t go the way either uf us wanted. Both of us overreacted. After all, one orgasm lost isn’t exactly a big deal. It wasn’t as if Mrs. Lion was going to say, “We’ll try again in December.”

All that really happened is that my wait was unexpectedly delayed a day or so. No big deal. In fact many keyholders do this sort of thing on purpose. So why all the pain? I think it is because we are both trying so hard to do the “right thing” for each other. I have no small amount of guilt about selfishly wanting to bring this chastity fantasy to life. I had hoped that it wold turn out to be fun for Mrs. Lion. So far it hasn’t. She does it just because she knows I want it.

I realize that even after nearly seven months of this, she has yet to find anything in it that touches her. What a selfish person I must be to want her to continue. But I do. Why am I such a brat to openly express disappointment when all Mrs. Lion was doing was trying to make things more fun to me? Why should she feel badly and believe she did something wrong? She shouldn’t. The simple fact is that she has been doing everything right. She has been working hard to make chastity work for me. If I could love her any more for doing this, I would. But the simple fact is that I love her with all my heart with or without chastity.

She’s said that one reason it has become important to continue is that our chastity activities have forced her to stay focused on our sex life. It has for me too. This is a very good thing for us. While we are inseparable and absolutely mated for life, we both can let sex slip. The difference in our libidos makes it easier sometimes to avoid sexual contact rather than deal with those differences. A lot of that is my fault. Her lower interest level always made me feel like I was selfishly intruding with my “needs”. It became easier to deal with them myself than bother her.

The difference now is that we made a deal, a contract if you will, that we will pursue forced male chastity as I envisioned it for two years. This gets me what I have wanted, but it feels to me that so far I am the only one who is benefiting. This has to change or we will both find ways to feel badly about more and more.

Another realization that I have had is that perhaps Mrs. Lion should hold me responsible for unauthorized ejaculation. Other keyholders expect their males to only come when given permission, regardless of the stimulation. I’ve never tried this. Maybe I should. On the other hand, this can become just one more work item for Mrs. Lion with no real reward for her. I don’t want to add any more problems to what has become a difficult process for her that isn’t even pleasant.

Sounds like we should just stop, doesn’t it? I don’t think so. We both get some positives too. We are waking up our sexual feelings for each other. Under the guise of turning me on, Mrs. Lion has asked me to make her orgsm twice in the last month. For her, that is a very frequent schedule. I love that and I know she is having fun.

There may be light at the end of the tunnel. I expect we have a lot of work to do to get there. If she felt able, I deserved a hard spanking after that ruined orgasm: 1 for coming without permission and, 2 for upsetting my lovely lioness. Maybe she owes me another “Naughty Lion” coupon for that. I certainly didn’t do myself proud at all. I feel terrible about making her feel inadequate and sad. That’s unforgivable.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Lion's Journal, Living with chastity, Ruined orgasm, Sex

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