Month: September 2014

For the most part, Lion’s cage has been the rebirth of our sex life. I’ve been playing with him more. He’s had more attention in the past nine months than he has in years. Despite being locked away most of the time, he’s had more orgasms. Although I’m not consistent, he’s had more punishment and certainly more rewards. Despite that, we were missing something. We always hold hands, but we had stopped snuggling. I think somehow the cage became a barrier in that respect too. Maybe, as the bottom, he was afraid to encroach. Maybe, as the top, I thought he got enough attention from me. I don’t know. But the other night I decided to snuggle a bit. And then yesterday we talked about it and realized we were both missing it.

I think I’ve been caught up in the whole what-am-I-supposed-to-do as a top and forgot that, first and foremost, we are lovers. It may sound strange, but to me there’s a difference between sex and making love. We’ve been having sex. I think it’s been a long time since we made love. What’s the difference? In my opinion, it’s sex when I play with Lion and then give him an orgasm. Or when he gives me an orgasm. Making love involves snuggling and kissing and making out. Less of an I’m doing it to him vibe and more of a we’re enjoying each other vibe.

So I’m leading a back to basics charge. It doesn’t have to be at odds with his cage or punishment or play. In fact, if we are snuggling more, he may find himself getting more attention. It may not be a spanking, but I’m sure his balls will be happy to be rubbed and fondled even if Mr. Weenie is still caged. And it won’t take the place of playing with him. I know he needs to be tied up and/or spanked from time to time. He’ll still get agreed upon attention. But we’ll both get the closeness we’ve been missing.

Win-win.

Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote in her post that she feels she is failing me as a keyholder. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s my fault she feels this way. I am too ready to communicate what I think might work for me. No, it isn’t topping from the bottom, but it is clearly way too much information. The fact is that she is doing a great job. She keeps me locked up with absolutely no hope that will ever end. She teases me regularly and has learned to ignore my grumbles. Great progress. Her ideas about the future are excellent. I think the goals she gave herself yesterday are sensible and will be effective. Maybe it’s really my fault. Maybe I am not changing the way she thought I should. In any case I am committed to doing whatever it takes to be the male she wants and needs.

I’ve been wondering about male orgasms, mine in particular. If I wait for ten or twenty days and then finally get an orgasm, will it feel better than one I get after only two days of waiting? In other words, does a longer wait really make my orgasm sweeter. Common wisdom, or at least what you read on blogs and forums, suggests that the longer the wait the more amazing the orgasm. My limited experience doesn’t bear this out. Once or twice after a ten-plus day wait, the orgasm was not very good at all. It was ok, but no fireworks. Other times, only a day after an orgasm, it was a sexual fourth-of-July display of fireworks accompanied by a large ejaculation.

One of the rules of orgasms that I have always subscribed to is that the longer the wait, the more semen I produce. I’ve believed that I store it up and then when I finally get the chance, it will all flow out. Again from my reading, a lot of males seem to think this way. Yet, my experience doesn’t bear this out.

Before I was locked up, I didn’t really keep close track of my sexual responses. A fair percentage of the time I produced little or even no semen. That bothered me, and I chalked it off to advancing age. Occasionally, I produced a splendid flow. Part of the problem, I thought, was that my PC muscle was weak. So I began Kegel exercises. That didn’t really change anything. I was stumped.

In the back of my mind I had the nagging thought that the quality of my orgasm and the production of semen are related. I had read (and experienced) that if serious sexual teasing took place an hour before the final act, that semen production would be maximized. In my BDSM days, if I were playing with a top who liked to do cock and ball play and also enjoyed long play sessions, when I finally got to come (which didn’t always happen, of course) I would have very big orgasms and produce an amazing (for me) amount of semen. Those are some of my most memorable orgasms.

Since an important part of enforced chastity is to keep the male’s interest in sex very high, thus achieving maximum frustration at being locked up, what works best? I’m sure this varies with each male, but it seems clear that in many cases, including mine, locking up with no teasing allows interest in sex to diminish. It doesn’t go away, but it does go down.

But is the required “stimulation” just genital play? I would like to think so, but I know it isn’t. For example, in my “wild” days, I would occasionally run across a really hot video. It would arouse me physically and, I think, have a similar effect as teasing in terms of keeping my interest up. Similarly, Mrs. Lion’s anal play does get me more interested in activity around my penis even if she doesn’t touch it when she is doing the anal activity.

What the visual or non-genital activity doesn’t do is “charge” my semen and orgasm batteries. A ton of anal play followed by a hand job will more often than not produce an average orgasm.  Sometimes I get a “big one”, but it isn’t a sure thing. However, if I get cock and ball torture (CBT) and teasing but no orgasm for a fairly long time — at least thirty minutes — I seem to shift into the big orgasm, large ejaculation mode.

I don’t want to generalize too much, but I have heard others say the same thing. Does this mean that Mrs. Lion has to plan on an evening of teasing every time she wants to give me an orgasm? Absolutely not. I wouldn’t mind, but that is selfish and unrealistic. I think she already knows this anyway. I don’t think she knows what a big difference that extra activity makes.

In the bad old days when I would “scooch” and get a hand job, more often than not Mrs. Lion would just start masturbating me until I came. I rarely produced more than a few drops of semen. Now it is rare that there isn’t a fairly good sized ejaculation each time I orgasm. We’ve proven that the amount of semen is not increased by longer waits, but instead by my level of arousal. Just tying me up for a half hour ups the volume substantially.

I think that both keyholders and caged males, me especially, had the mistaken notion that simply being denied is enough to guarantee amazing orgasms when finally provided. In the beginning it was. But as time goes by, this changes and how the release is provided becomes more important than the wait. Is this true for you too?

For whatever reason, Sunday night has always been a rough night for me as far as sleeping is concerned. I’m thinking about everything that needs to be done in the coming week and what didn’t get done in the previous week. My mind won’t shut off. Last night I was thinking about Lion.

I’m afraid I’m disappointing him. I don’t make new rules. I don’t punish him when he breaks the rules I’ve already made. I’m not consistent with training. The only things I’m consistent with, aside from disappointing him, is that he is locked up and I play with him at least every other day. Keeping him locked up is a passive thing. Once he’s locked I don’t need to do anything. I’m good at that. But that may be the only thing I’m good at. I’m failing at being his keyholder.

So last night I was thinking about concentrating on short term goals. Yes, I’d like him to be able to accept my fist up his ass, but we’re not going to get there at the rate we’re going. This week, assuming he is a horny boy tonight or tomorrow night and has a nice big erection, I want to make the second Lion clone. Hopefully it will be a bigger, more accurate version of his Mini Me. And then I can use it on him. He should have anal training at least twice a week. Not always with his clone. Sometimes it will be with a butt plug. Pegging should be once a week so he gets used to the motion and the size. The butt plug will help stretch him. If I can maintain this training then eventually we can move on to bigger things.

I need to focus more on punishment. I hate it. He loves it. It’s what he wants/needs so I’ll do it. My short term goal is to be more consistent with enforcing the rules we already have. When I am consistent with that I can add more rules. And perhaps in the short term I can throw in a punishment or two just because he’s annoyed me for whatever reason.

In his post this morning, he says he thinks the shock collar would be useful to train him not to have an orgasm when I edge him. We can try it. I really don’t think it’s his fault when I push him too far, but he wants to get shocked so shock I will.

Now for the big one. I want to get my libido back. I’m not entirely sure how to do it except to do it. I’m hoping if Lion gives me orgasms then eventually I will start wanting them more and more. So my short term goal is to have an orgasm at least once a week. I know the mechanics are there. I know he can give me an orgasm. It’s a case of the body being willing whether the mind cares or not.

I know Lion will always want more. That’s just how he’s wired. He’ll find a new idea or toy and want to add it to our repertoire. And I’ll stress out about it because I’ll feel I’m not doing enough for him. Eventually I’ll give him what he wants. Or I’ll at least try to give him what he wants. I just don’t want to disappoint him.

Saturday night Mrs. Lion gave me an oral orgasm. It had been only two days since my last orgasm. She also let me go without my cage all night and most of Sunday. She said I was in no danger of masturbating (true) and she did have to remove hair. She noticed I was a bit scruffy in the picture I posted last week. I noticed too when I took that selfie. It was also a chance for me to see how my new underwear feels without a cage. It feels very good. The outline of my penis is very visible inside the pouch. Of course, nothing shows through my jeans. Still, it was nice to see my old friend outlined in my underpants.

My thoughts recently have been around my interest in training and conditioning. I’m not sure where my desire to be conditioned originated, but the idea of my behavior being changed so that I automatically do something I am trained to do seems very hot to me. Just doing something I wouldn’t do on my own and not noticing until it is drawn to my attention is amazing. One reason I like the shock collar so much is its power to invisibly control me is perfect.

This device is different from any other corrective practice I know. The stimulation is instant and ranges from annoying to painful depending on how strong a jolt Mrs. Lion sets it to provide. That’s not the unique part. When the stimulation ends, my body has absolutely no memory of the pain. It’s as though it never happened. Spanking leaves a hot and sore bottom that can last for days. Pinched nipples echo with the pain for some time. But not the shock collar. I get the correction and then it is gone.

There is a very expensive toy, the DreamLover, that takes this electrical correction to entirely new levels. It is loaded with features, some like “canine mode” will apply shocks to the penis if the wearer changes position from being on all fours. It has one feature I think would be good for Mrs. Lion and I: honeymoon mode. It has a powerful micro-vibrator under the head of the penis in that sensitive spot. The keyholder can remotely trigger this to provide pleasurable stimulation.  With this addition, she can provide correction and reward. It seems to me that it is the ultimate training device. Unfortunately, at over $1,000 and requiring extensive training for the keyholder, you need both the money and a keyholder who really wants to do behavioral modification. Mrs. Lion isn’t particularly interested in behavioral modification especially if it requires an expensive device and a lot of training to use.

For the rest of us, the modified dog training collar can be nearly as effective without the cost or training. The first question Mrs. Lion asked was,

What do you want me to train you to do?

That kind of misses the point. But it does say that she has no wish list of negative lion behaviors to correct. I’ve been wondering if maybe one very interesting use of this device would be orgasm training. Mrs. Lion likes to edge me. What if when I get very close, she says, “No!” and applies a fairly strong shock? Would it back me off from the orgasm? If it does, would repeating this process for a while, condition me so that just her, “No!” would be enough to stop my orgasm even with stimulation continuing? It would be fun to find out.

Another sticking point with us are the ruined orgasms. I consider them my mistake. She didn’t give me permission to come. She, on the other hand, considers it her fault; she kept stimulating me too long. If it is my problem, then immediately after I stop dripping, she should give me a very strong spanking. Not just four hard swats, but a lot. That might send the message that I had an accident.

I am not sure that Mrs. Lion is all that interested in administering those spankings. I would be happy if she tries the shock method of preventing accidents and teaching me to stop if she says No!. Primary to this is that she considers a ruined orgasm her fault. I believe it is mine. Maybe this is something we can try and see how it works.