Root Cause

Mrs. Lion and I frequently differ on how we remember things. We also differ on interpreting my input on my enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion has said that she feels that she is failing because I want to “change” things. I don’t see it that way at all. I can understand why she might feel that way. I am caged because I asked to be. As far as I can tell, she sees my enforced chastity as something she is doing to make me happy. So, if I suggest something new it must mean that I am not happy with what we are doing now. This is what I think is at the bottom of our current issues. I don’t see my suggestions as “change.” To me, they are tweaks to discover what works and doesn’t work.

If, in fact, this is all just to make me happy, which is a wonderful gift to me that I truly appreciate, it might be more satisfying for both of us if we look a bit deeper than the external stuff I have been suggesting. At the bottom of all this, at least for me, is a power exchange where Mrs. Lion takes control of my sex life. All of the other stuff: my cage, wait times, punishments, rewards, etc. are tools she can use to exercise that control. My “suggestions” reflect how I am reacting to our current experiments and how I think she can enhance my feeling of her control.

I get discouraged because it feels to me that to Mrs. Lion this is not about her feeling control or ownership. It feels like she is doing “things” that will satisfy me. So, if I suggest that I won’t really feel punished if I only have to wait an extra day, it feels to her that I want to change the rules; that I am not “happy” with her one day punishment. It’s not that I am happy or unhappy with the status quo. I am just trying to help Mrs. Lion understand how I think she can best control me.

Truthfully, I would rather not suggest anything. I would be happier if she experimented to see what works best for us. I would be fine with her responding to my suggestions with a firm “No!” and even punishing me for being impudent enough to tell her how to do her job. I wasn’t trying to provoke that reaction. Upon reflection, after reading her post yesterday, I realized that her response wasn’t coming from a place of power. It was coming from a loving wife just trying to make her husband happy.

She has frequently said that she really doesn’t know what to do in regard to my chastity. I think that may be because she is trying so hard to make me happy, she doesn’t see the deeper need that brought me to suggesting this lifestyle. Or, she does see it but really doesn’t want to go that way. That possibility is why I wrote my last post about giving up. The last thing I want to hear is, “I thought I was doing what you want.”

On the other hand, I am not asking her to just do things that I don’t want. That doesn’t fit the power exchange either. That’s what makes this so difficult for us. Mrs.Lion is stuck with a partner who has a strong need for control. The need isn’t based on behavioral problems that need correcting. It’s just a need; a major kink that I have. This isn’t news. From the first I have discussed this and Mrs. Lion has tried to do things that accommodate this kink. Our enforced chastity is the strongest expression of this need I have ever made and I am deeply grateful for her continuing efforts to meet it.

I realize that change doesn’t happen overnight and that most men who want this lifestyle would be in heaven with what she has done. I love her efforts! Nothing I am writing here is critical of them. She is doing very well. Just as my enforced chastity has vastly improved our sex life, it has also opened an area for improvement.

Mrs. Lion has learned to be comfortable, or at least not so unhappy with the things we do. Some challenge her loving nature and others her ability to consistently follow a plan. I think her biggest challenge is that she, by nature, isn’t a controlling person. I know she doesn’t have a deep desire for domestic power. She is very happy with me ruling the den.

I suspect we aren’t alone. This is an issue that I think ends many enforced chastity attempts. To her credit, Mrs. Lion isn’t giving up. I am deeply grateful that she is willing to keep going. The big question is how to make this work over the long term. Mrs. Lion isn’t going to change into a different person. I don’t want her to do that. Then, what do I want her to do?

I’ve thought about this a lot. It’s unlikely that Mrs. Lion is going to get a visceral thrill out of controlling me. She is who she is. I love who she is. So, how do we bridge this gap? My hope is that Mrs.Lion will find pleasure in some of the activities that make me feel controlled. That will give her an incentive to do those things.

Now we get to the part that is hardest for me. I need to exercise the self-discipline to avoid suggesting any “improvements” or “experiments” to her. I must accept what she wishes to do. I think that might be the easiest way to avoid upsetting her about my appreciation of her efforts. I will do that unless she asks for my input. I am also pretty sure I will “forget” and start suggesting again. This is an area that requires a firm hand from her to help me learn to know my place.

Before I seal my lips, my last unsolicited suggestion is that Mrs. Lion react to me only after considering that she, not I, is in charge. I want her to say no. I want her to “make” me do things. I am wearing the cage because I want her, and only her to decide when I can get hard or have an orgasm. I want her to enforce her wishes with punishments she feels appropriate. Similarly I want her to bestow rewards when she feels I’ve earned them.

I recognize that I have a strong personality and tend to take control. I realize that I am not the easiest male to train and control. My goal is to be more accepting and to reinforce my wonderful keyholder’s effort to give me what I requested all those months ago. I hope she can help me reach this goal.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Discipline, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity
One comment on “Root Cause
  1. locked120 says:

    Accepting what she wishes would be finaly giving her control..

What do you think?