(Sunday, September 21, 2014) As you may have read, last night I “cashed in” my orgasm coupon. As Mrs. Lion wrote in her post,
…he caved in after less than twenty-four hours. Lion always says he doesn’t have an addictive personality. He may not be addicted to sex, but he has less willpower than he thinks.
No, not really. Yes I wanted very much to come. That coupon, so to speak, was eating a hole in my pocket. It bothered me, as Mrs. Lion noted, because it transferred control to me. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that the coupon meant that she wanted me to have that orgasm. It was the eleventh day since my last chance, so I wanted very much to come. The coupon itself raised my horniness level. I was uncomfortable holding on to it, more uncomfortable thinking about using it. I didn’t want to “look a gift horse in the mouth.” And, yes, I wanted to come.
That coupon brought up some deeper issues. Am I interested in seeing how long I can wait? Can I make 21 days without turning into a basket case? Is it worse immediately after an orgasm then after 11 days? The answer to the first question is no, I am not interested in seeing how long I can wait. The second question, how will I handle a more extensive wait, is more interesting. As many guys have written, the suffering does go down after about ten days. Since I haven’t had too much experience waiting much longer than that, I don’t know. But I can honestly say that I could have made the full 21 days.
So why did I cash in the coupon? I’ve been thinking about that since I told Mrs. Lion I wanted to use it. Since Mrs. Lion didn’t appear very interested in letting me trade it in for less days on my wait, I figured I might as well use it. I know, she said that she hadn’t had time to consider it. I figured that it was not a big decision and that if she wanted to make the trade, she would have let me know immediately that it was a possibility. She said she would consider it. I didn’t read her response correctly. I also really wanted to come. Does that make me an addict? Nope, just a male.
I actually felt fine about the 21 days on one level. I really did. Honest! But I did give in. Just a day or so before, Mrs. Lion’s wonderful hands reminded me just how good sex feels. The clothespins on my balls were exciting, but she knows just where to rub to drive me crazy, and she did. From the time she gave me the coupon, I couldn’t stop thinking about how her hand felt on my penis, how badly I wanted to go over the edge and disappear into that orgasm.
So, yesterday I ran through every rationalization in the book: It’s been a long time. I need this. Wow, did her hands feel great. Why not? She wants me to have it., etc. I gave in.
Now, the morning after, I wonder if I did the right thing. Mrs. Lion’s post has a disappointed tone. She seems to have wanted me to just put that coupon away with the others I got on my anniversary. At least, she said, she expected me to hold on to it for a while. She should have told me. I feel guilty that I used it. It feels like I broke our trust. It feels less like a gift than a trap that I fell right into.
I’ve learned from this. I won’t do it again. If Mrs. Lion wants me to have an orgasm, she can take it or schedule it. I won’t initiate, even with a coupon she has given me.
We also discussed wait times. I told her that 10 days seems to maximize my need to get release. She apparently took that to mean that I only wanted her to schedule 10 or 11 days of waiting. I didn’t mean that at all. For one thing, I don’t want her to schedule based on what I want. I know she is doing it for me, but that doesn’t mean I get to make that decision. I don’t even want her to consider it a suggestion. I was only letting her know how it felt to me, not as guidance for the future.
Her new rule uses extra time (two days) if I break it. That is something I had hoped she would do. It’s a punishment that feels like one to me. Two days may not be enough to make a strong impression, but it is a step in the right direction; and, of course, it is totally up to her.
I want to clarify what I meant in our discussion about wait times. Based on how I feel when I wait, things get really serious for me at about 10 days. The first two or three days after an orgasm are the most frustrating, but I feel a deep need growing that seems to peak at 10 days. I’m not sure what happens after that, but I guess I will find out. I also mentioned that if we use adding and subtracting time for punishments and rewards, they are most effective after the tenth day. Adding a week to a ten day wait is serious to me. Even adding two or three days will make an impression, though I think the point at which I am most influenced is a week. More will be meaningless and less, feels easy to handle. That’s subject to review after I actually have to endure it. On the other hand, reducing wait time by two or three days will make an impression on me if I have been waiting at least a week.
In my mind, adding time is a way stronger punishment, than subtracting time is a reward. However, I may be totally wrong. I will have to wait until I have some experience to comment.