True Confessions
Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote her post about me being a sort of sexual toddler, wanting everything now. Much as I try to avoid such behavior and try to avoid topping from the bottom I still do it. I am both happy and a little worried that she will be upping the ante to better tame me. It’s the right thing for her to do.
All those months ago I asked Mrs. Lion to lock my penis in a small cage that prevents me from receiving any kind of sexual stimulation. I then asked her to tease me and make me want to get out and have orgasms. I also asked her to take charge of me sexually and behaviorally and punish me like a child if I break a rule. Am I out of my mind? I fear an objective observer would almost certainly suggest that I need help. Maybe I do.
Interest in enforced male chastity seems to be growing. There is a small-but-healthy marketplace for chastity devices and the Web abounds with sites devoted to this subject. I don’t think there is one key reason men want this, but I think I understand mine. From when I was a prepubescent boy I have always fantasized about being tied up and sexually teased. There is something buried deep inside me that likes surrendering control. I have always liked spanking and similar activities. It’s just the way I’m put together. But that alone isn’t enough to explain my current state. It certainly isn’t the norm among males who are in enforced chastity.
I think that a big reason for me, and maybe others, is that for some reason it became too painful to keep asking for sex. Rejection, even if not intended by my partner, is extremely painful for me. Mrs. Lion has a much lower interest in sex than I. Over the years that became painfully obvious to both of us. I did my best not to “bother” her about my needs after a while. She never rejected me or made me feel badly about being horny, but I knew that it was just me who wanted the sex.
This put distance between us. I was never very active as a masturbator. Generally, it didn’t feel all that good. So that wasn’t a particularly happy alternative to sex with Mrs. Lion, even if that sex was her masturbating me, which I have always loved.
Meanwhile, festering deep inside me were all those fantasies about being tied up, made to do things, being teased, spanked, etc. I had talked about them with Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t share this interest with me, but on occasion she indulged me and we played. I loved that.
After a while, a long while, I realized that I was shutting down sexually and emotionally. Mrs. Lion remained my best friend and the only person with whom I want to share my life, but I had begun resigning myself to losing all the sexual fun I had wanted for so very long. This made me sad, not depressed, but sad.
I tend toward finding and trying solutions when confronted by a problem. In the fall of 2013 I came across, quite by accident, chastity devices on Amazon. Aside from being amused that the venerable merchant was now an active sex toy dealer, I got turned on looking at the listings. My fantasies awakened. Masturbation became fun for a bit. More significantly, I decided I needed to look for a solution to my problem.
I asked Mrs. Lion for more sex and got some very nice handjobs. She agreed to play with me, but somehow life kept getting in the way. Over the years, I have reviewed sex toys. Manufacturers have provided them to me. I have a nice collection of chastity devices I have tested. None of them were particularly comfortable for me. So, I ordered some of the inexpensive devices on Amazon and later dhgate.com and tried them out. I didn’t wear them around Mrs. Lion, nor did I keep them on long. But I enjoyed my experiments. I finally found a cage that almost fit.
That’s when I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. I told her about my fantasy and asked if she would try it with me. As you know, she agreed. She’s made it very clear she is doing all this stuff because it makes me happy. It does. She is bringing to life my deepest sexual desires. I am so grateful and happy!
But, being the conflicted guy that I am, I also feel guilty. Unlike some caged males, I can’t really provide increased sexual pleasure to Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t want it. When she does I enthusiastically provide whatever she wishes. Now, when she reads this, I know that Mrs. Lion will feel badly that she isn’t horny more often for me. That isn’t the point at all. After simmering in my guilt for a while, I came to the conclusion that our enforced chastity is working for both of us.
In my narrow view, Mrs. Lion is providing me with the sexual pleasure I want. I kept thinking that I had to reciprocate in kind. Now I finally get it. She can have any kind of sex she wants with me when she wants it. I am no longer measuring my success as a caged male based on those activities. I finally realized that the best way I can reciprocate is to provide her with whatever she wants from me, sexual or not. I also have to accept what she does for and to me as gifts that don’t require reciprocation in kind. Easy to say but hard to do.
Our marriage has always been happy and mutual. I have always cooked, cleaned, and done the laundry as has Mrs. Lion. We share things on all levels. So, she can’t really find a lot to enforce in terms of those things. In my view, at least, we have worked that stuff out pretty well. The fact that we get along so well has gotten in the way of our power exchange.
What we both missed, however, was intimacy. For our separate reasons we have coexisted as best friends. I’m not complaining. I love being married to my best friend. But, since I’ve been locked up, our intimacy has grown dramatically. Sex once more is on the table. Slowly but steadily we are growing more and more intimate. We are working out miscommunications and are learning how to share sexually. My sexuality is completely under her control and she knows it. Just this fact forces us to talk more. We are both changing. I love that. I’m grateful we started this experiment.
