The Myth Of Keyholder Power

When I was a top, I often heard bottoms say,

“You have so much power over me. If you only knew how much control you have. You should love that.”

I didn’t. As a caged male I sometimes forget how it felt when I was on the other side of the power exchange. Let me explain.

I said to Mrs. Lion, I would like you to own my penis and keep it locked in a chastity device. I would like to provide you with any kind of sex you want whenever you want it. I would like you to make and enforce rules for me to follow. Boy, did I give her a lot of power. Right?

Wrong! What I did is hand her a long list of things to do to make me happy. I’m adding to her already-difficult burden. Now, she not only has to do her job, take care of things around the house, hold up her side of our relationship, she has to manage me sexually, make and enforce rules, and provide the additional sexual activities necessary to make a caged male happy. Does that sound like a gift to you? It is a gift. But it isn’t me giving her a magic want. It is Mrs. Lion doing things that make me happy.

“But,” I can hear you say,

“She can have any kind of sex anytime she wants. She can make me clean and do the laundry. She can make me do anything she wants.”

If you weren’t locked up, would you refuse to give her any sex she wanted? Hell no! I love that. Would you refuse to help around the house if asked? Of course not. The point is that according to the myth, I somehow opened a new door for Mrs. Lion by asking her to have this power. It’s complete nonsense.

I’ve been reading many comments written by keyholders, sometimes including Mrs. Lion, that say everyday life is overwhelming and they feel they aren’t giving their caged males what they want. They feel like they are failing. Caged males generally reply that if their keyholders only knew how much power they had, they would be happy. After all, isn’t it a great gift to allow your partner to spend endless hours pleasing you?

In many cases, including mine, one of the main reasons to enter an enforced chastity relationship is to compensate for a perceived problem. In my case, I have always had a terrible time initiating sex. I figured that by transferring sexual control to Mrs. Lion, she would have to initiate since I had to be unlocked to do anything. But I had a less selfish reason as well. I figured that she could train me to initiate by withholding orgasms until I asked for them. I don’t think I ever told her that directly. She’ll know now. I also have a need to exercise my kinks which include giving power to my partner, spanking, discipline, etc. In the past I mentioned these but never offered a way we might include them in our daily lives.

Notice that all of this is for my benefit, not hers. She is doing me an enormous favor out of love for me. I hope she enjoys doing these things, but I am pretty sure she would be perfectly happy without all this extra work.

I think it is fair to say that we are typical. In most of the cases where enforced chastity becomes a long term activity, the keyholder develops limits and boundaries that keep the activities close to her comfort zone. Both she and her caged male need to evolve into a pattern that works for them. In rare cases, the keyholder enthusiastically embraces this power exchange.

I am very lucky to have such a wonderful and loving lioness. She works amazingly hard to make my fantasies come true. She is doing this on top of a demanding job, some health issues, and a busy schedule. I have overwhelmed her at times with way too much input. Like any other normal partner, she interprets these additional requests as an indirect way of telling her she isn’t doing a good job as my keyholder.

She is doing a great job! Every single week she refines her techniques and brings my kinks to life. As a byproduct of her efforts, our communication has improved and our sex life is returning. This isn’t happening because I am caged. It’s happening because she has taken on her role as my keyholder and is doing the significant extra work that role requires. I am the beneficiary of this work and I am grateful.

The moral of this story is for all of us caged males to remember that we didn’t give our keyholders the gift of chastity. They gave us the gift of indulging our kink. While it is fun to live in the enforced chastity fantasy, it’s more important to step outside and acknowledge the amazing amount of love and work it takes to be our keyholders.