Last night was quiet. We were busy with ordinary life stuff. Sex and chastity were not on our minds. This was fine with both of us. The next orgasm calendar still reads October 9. I’ve been getting orgasms every other day or so since then. As Mrs. Lion has been saying,
I’ll take your orgasms whenever I want.
She has. She hasn’t wanted one for herself though. This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s best time of year. She gets headaches and suffers discomfort during the damp fall weather. So, it seems to me that just providing me with orgasms is another stress on her body. I can’t always tell if she is enjoying herself or just getting me off or teasing me because she agreed to do it. Maybe it is just me, but I get uncomfortable when I believe Mrs. Lion isn’t having fun too. That could be why my interest in sex is so low lately. I know I was sick, but that is behind me now.
I still don’t really want the great birthday play session that Mrs. Lion promised. I do want the birthday cake she said she would make. I was too sick to enjoy it on my birthday. Usually I crave play, but right now I don’t want it. I don’t want anything sexual. This can’t be what you want to read here, but it is how I feel. If Mrs. Lion teases me tonight, I will enjoy it and maybe it will get my motor running again. I hope we can snuggle too. With her headaches and general malaise, she hasn’t been comfortable enough to do that.
Of course I am still caged and have no belief that I will be out any time soon. It feels a bit different when my sexual interest is so low. In the shower I could feel its weight and it made me realize that wearing it has nothing to do with how I feel about sex or its presence. That didn’t give me the usual little thrill I get when I think that sort of thought. I just sighed. It felt a bit sad.
This is the first hint of a negative feeling about being caged. It isn’t enough of a negative feeling to upset me, but it set up some interesting feelings. For the first time I realized on a gut level that I don’t control my sexual fate. The weight of the cage felt different knowing that. It was sobering and at the same time a good feeling. I think this is the first time I have actually felt to the depths of my soul that I am not in control.