It’s always easiest to be the bottom. My job is to accept and obey. If I don’t, I get punished. Ok, it isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t require initiative or much thought. Mrs. Lion has the heavy lifting. Since she is doing this for me without any direct connection between her power and her pleasure, being my keyholder is a service to me. In other words, it’s work for her.
A sadist is someone who gets sexual pleasure out of controlling or hurting others. That definition covers a wide range of behaviors from ax murderers to wonderful play partners. Obviously I’m not writing about serial killers. Some people get aroused when they have power over another. Others, when their partner is feeling frustration or discomfort get excited. I bet you can see where I am going.
If as a keyholder, you get turned on seeing the frustration of your caged male when you won’t let him orgasm, you will have incentive to frustrate him more. If it turns you on to see him squirm when you spank him, you will make sure you spank often. If you like seeing the look in his eyes when you orgasm and his penis lies helpless in its cage, you will want to come just for that pleasure.
The point is WIIFM (What’s In It For Me). If the keyholder can find benefits in controlling her caged male, she will be far more motivated to truly take control. In short, if she is a sadist, you will both have a lot more fun. Little girls (and to a much lesser extent little boys) are taught to be “nice”. They learn to be unselfish and considerate. These are not useful qualities for a sadist.
I’m not suggesting that as a keyholder you turn into a monster. I am suggesting a little reeducation. Do you get turned on (even a little) when you see that you arouse your partner? If you do, you have the basic tools needed to become a Junior Sadist (earn your merit badges!). The key is that you don’t have to change really. You just need to learn to understand your caged male’s reactions on a gut level.
He gets aroused when he is sexually frustrated. He is the opposite of a sadist; he is a masochist. I can just hear the guys screaming, “No, I’m not! I just like to be forced to wait to come.” Ah ha! The operative word is “forced”. Regardless of how the kink plays out, the caged male wants some element of choice removed from his life. By definition, he can’t know he lost his power of choice unless you, his keyholder, prevent him from getting or doing something he wants. Right? See where we are going?
To make any power exchange work, the person in control has to exercise the power over the bottom. When you do that, chances are very good he won’t like it, at least at the time. I bet you thnk that is a bad thing. You are making the guy you are trying to please unhappy. It’s not. It’s a very good thing. He wants to wallow in the misery of frustration and lost control Why else would he have asked you to lock him up. He asked you, right? Maybe at times like that you should remind him and tell him to thank you for all you are doing for him.
You knew all that of course. But here is your junior sadist homework. Each time you see him suffering as a result of your control, tell yourself that this is exactly what turns him on. It’s true. It is. Reach down deep inside and try to feel the arousal that you are giving him. See if you can find a way, even if it means having him stimulate your physically, to get that nice twinge when he is frustrated or uncomfortable. You learned to be nice. You can learn to be a sadist too the good kind. He’ll love you for it.