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In: Keyholder, Mrs Lion Comments, Rewards

Lion has been very busy at work. Each morning I wait for his required message and I wonder if he’ll exceed his time limit. Technically, if he just does a quick text message with KISS on it he would meet the expectation. But my Lion always comes through with a much better message than that. No matter how busy he is, he always finds time to tell me how much he loves me. I’m a very lucky girl.

In addition to that, Lion has still been making dinner more often than I do. Even when I decide what we’ll have, he swoops in and makes it. He’s a much better cook than I am, but I don’t want him to feel that he has to cook that often. I don’t think he’s been doing it to receive another Good Lion coupon. Given the reaction he had to the last one, I’m not sure he’d welcome another one. Since using it he has not had a very long wait time at all. I’ve been very generous with my bonus orgasms. And his next wait time, nine days, isn’t long enough to make him very grumpy. I think he’s been cooking a lot because we keep thinking of all the wonderful things he makes and we want them. Once we decide on one of his recipes that I can make I’ll jump in.

This morning I decided Lion will get a reward for his messages and for cooking. I haven’t quite decided what that reward will be. The trick is to find something that doesn’t make him feel that he’s topping from the bottom. When I give him a coupon it’s because I want him to decide when to use it. This has been a sticking point in the past. Maybe I will just have to decide that on X date he will get X reward.

It may seem silly to reward him for things he’s supposed to be doing. I just want him to know I appreciate everything he does, whether it’s a big thing or not. Taking the garbage out, laundry, etc. are all necessary things and it’s nice to be appreciated for it.

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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Sex

A recurring theme with Mrs. Lion and I, as well as with other keyholders and caged males. is that Mrs. Lion frequently feels she is failing because she thinks she isn’t meeting my expectations. I cause this problem because here and when we talk, I let her know what I think might work for me. Some of our readers see this as topping from the bottom. Mrs. Lion has communicated that this makes her feel she is not being a a good keyholder. I’ve asked her if she would prefer I not discuss my ideas with her. She said she wants me to keep saying what I think works for me. She, being a sweet, loving wife wants me to be happy and apparently perceives any wishes I make as things she has to do. I can see how she would feel overwhelmed.

Part of the problem is that I share so much here in our blog. Mrs. Lion and I read everything we write. We both react strongly to what the other says. We want to make each other happy. So, when I read that Mrs. Lion feels she is failing, that is a very big deal to me.

First, to put things in perspective, our chastity/sexual activities occupy a very small slice of our time. We work, cook, talk, watch TV, and do all the other stuff couples normally do. Our chastity / sex time is under an hour a day. In fact, half of the time there isn’t even that.

What creates the problem, I think, is that Mrs. Lion knows that I have always had these feelings. We have also drifted apart sexually since, as you might have read, our communication was not very good and we each misinterpreted the other’s interest. Since I have been caged, our communication has improved dramatically. But I think I am making a classic mistake.

I’ve been writing about ways I think I can better be managed. I’ve seen this as just my trying to communicate how my kinks work. I haven’t expected Mrs. Lion to create to a big to-do list with each thing I mention. As she sees this list grow, she sees more and more things she isn’t doing. Not surprisingly, she feels overwhelmed. So what do we do?

This isn’t an easy question. The simplest solution is for me to stop talking about what I think would work for me. Mrs. Lion rejected that suggestion. It also would give me a lot less to write about. I suppose Mrs. Lion could stop reading my posts, but that would close a useful communication channel. She seems unable to just make a note and go on with whatever she plans on doing with me. The reason for this, I think, is that she is doing all this out of love for me, not a desire of her own to have sexual power over me. So, it stands to reason that the best source of information on how to control me would be me.

Over time, I think this will change. Mrs. Lion will learn what works for her in context of my chastity and her sexual control. But in the short term that won’t happen. She needs to develop more self confidence in order to feel good about disregarding my ideas.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Am I being greedy and wanting every fantasy I have had to come to life? Is that the issue? Am I over sharing? I don’t expect everything I write or speak about to happen. I’ve thought about this a lot. What to me are ideas that might be fun or effective in our power exchange, become items in the Lion shopping cart that Mrs. Lion is expected to provide. However, I consider them items in my wish list.

My suggestion is that we formalize the lion shopping cart and wish list. Everything that I talk about that I might like belong in my wish list. Like any wish list, it means that those are thing I might like someday. But they aren’t things I expect. In our chastity e-commerce site, Mrs. Lion can move items from my wish list to the lion shopping cart. Once there, she can “check out” items she wants to try. I will even formalize it so that there is no ambiguity.

Mrs. Lion shouldn’t feel that she has to do everything I suggest. She doesn’t need to feel like a failure if she doesn’t. I am just offering ideas, sometimes adding things to my wish list. Maybe she can go into that list and decide to “buy” something out of it for my birthday or another holiday. In any case, it is only intended to be information, not expectations.