Yesterday was November 17. So, what? you say. That was my orgasm day. So, last night after we watched some TV, Mrs. Lion sat down next to me. I was lying on my back on our bed. I’ll bet you know what happened next. Yup, a great hand job that actually ended in an orgasm. It felt very good. As our calendar now says, my next scheduled orgasm is eight days away, November 26; the day before Thanksgiving. Tis the holiday season!
I was thinking about how things have changed in our lives over the last ten months. Our enforced chastity adventure isn’t at all what I imagined it would be. That’s a good thing. My fantasy was that Mrs. Lion would profit immensely from my being caged; she would have endless orgasms and just get wet when she sees me wanting so badly to come.
It didn’t work out that way for us. It does for some and they are lucky. I’m lucky in a very different way. My lioness isn’t interested in more orgasms for herself. She doesn’t find caging me sexually arousing. She dominates me sexually because it is what I want. That’s a loving and unselfish gift.
It may look like we are doing all this in slow motion. But the pattern makes a lot of sense. When I was a top and met someone new who was to be my playmate, we wouldn’t just get her naked, tie her down, and start whipping her. We had at least one long talk where I learned what she wanted, what she liked, what she hated, and what was off limits.
When we finally played, I took my time testing her reactions to various sensations. I learned what got her wet, what made her angry, and what put her into an endorphin high. Over many play sessions the intensity would slowly rise as we began moving in our special rhythm. Even though the play sessions were only a couple of hours long, it took many of them to reach the intensity we both wanted. I had so much to learn.
That’s the thing about being a top. The so-called power is actually knowledge of the bottom’s body, emotions, and spirit. The top is in many ways serving the bottom. Topping, good topping at least, is a careful dance where each move evokes a predicted response. The top can never get into the moment. Sure, she can enjoy what is happening. Sometimes, rarely, I would get an erection when a play session was going well. The bottom was aroused the entire time. I was working. I didn’t have the time or could afford the loss of focus that indulging my sexual arousal would cause.
If you’ve never been a top, not just for an evening, but for the long pull, you can’t know how much work it really is. You can’t know how fragile my emotions as a top would be. Yes, the big strong lion holding that flogger was more easily wounded than the bottom below him would ever be. You wouldn’t know how much it hurt to misplace a blow. The bottom got a little red mark, but I felt that I failed her. Yet, I couldn’t stop. My role was to complete the scene and provide the stimulation she needed. At the end of the scene, I badly needed to be held and told I did well. Good bottoms know that and make sure they help their tops feel loved and appreciated.
The thing is that a keyholder is a top. Mrs. Lion tops me so that I can get the physical and emotional domination that I need. This isn’t easy for her. It’s so easy for her to feel that she is failing. That one stroke too many that leads to a ruined orgasm. My pouting that I am tired of having to wait. The spanking that hurt when it wasn’t supposed to. All those things feel like failure. But what feels like success?
She loves to make me come, but her role demands she make me wait. She loves to see me smile and be happy, but she knows I suffer when I am teased over and over but get no release. The thing is that I love what she is doing. Some of it I love to hate, but most of it is exactly what I had dreamed of all those years. But where is her joy?
My joy as a top came from seeing the changes I made in my bottom’s life. It came from doing my top stuff well. I hope the same is true of Mrs. Lion. Every time she edges me, she is doing something difficult and doing it well. Every time she kindly-but-firmly says, “No.” she is succeeding. Each time she spanks me for breaking a rule and she sees me lie docilely and accept my punishment, she has changed me.
Transformation is a great source of joy in topping. Seeing the bottom’s realization of a dream, a destiny, is an amazing feeling. The keyholder is a creator. She has taken one life and changed it for the better. Ultimately, topping may not seem important in the scope of our lives, but this experience changes me, and by changing me, maybe it changes her a little too.