I hesitate to title this post in such a way that suggests Lion is topping from the bottom any more than he’s already been accused of. But let me be clear, he is caged because he wants to be caged. We play because he wants to play. He has the experience, both as top and bottom. I am learning from him. He is helping me understand what he wants and how to go about doing it. I do this to make him happy.
In a perfect world, he would have a real top. Someone who knows what she’s doing. Someone who doesn’t need to be reminded that she’s in
charge. Someone who likes to be in charge. Instead he has me. And I do these things for him because I love him more than anything and I would
do almost anything for him.
I am fighting more against myself than him. It’s difficult for me to be in charge. It’s difficult for me to hurt him. Sure, I’ve gotten better. Sure, I have my “aha” moments. I realize it’s frustrating for Lion and for our readers to see me fumbling around like an idiot. Welcome to my world. But while it’s difficult for me to learn to become a top, it’s difficult for him to learn to become a bottom. For most of Lion’s life he’s been in charge. He’s good at it. He likes it. It’s hard to let that go. Even though he wants to.
If left to my own devices, I would not be in charge of Lion. I would not be playing with him. But when we stopped last time everything ended. No sex. No intimacy. No communication. I do not want to go back to that, so I am committed to doing what Lion wants and needs.
Sometimes it does feel like Lion is topping from the bottom, but I’m starting to see it as more of a gentle nudge to get me on track. Whatever he’s doing, he’s gotten us this far. In the future I may need less and less guidance from him, but I appreciate his patience with me. Neither one of us is easy to teach.
I’m sorry, I have to jump in here.
He DOES have a real top, and one that clearly cares. You guys are a model for working through what works, what doesn’t and where to go next.
Please don’t downplay what you’re doing, how far you(‘ve both) come.
You’re not only a Top, but an inspiration for communication, being a couple and being real.
Thank you. I was starting to wonder if there was some sort of standard that we didn’t know about.
As Steeled Snake said: don’t play your role down. You two can be the brilliant top and congenial bottom in any way that you want!
The phrase “topping from the bottom” is so often used as a killer phrase to stifle proper communication between top and bottom — don’t let it ruin your wonderful relationship (and if you are in doubt whether it is wonderful, ask the one person that really counts).
A top that takes advice from the bottom is not a weak top, but a wise top. A loving wife that sometimes forgets to be a top is a loving wife that is also human.
Love, honour and respect yourself like you do your husband. As long as you strive to be the best that you can, you should also be entitled to laugh about mishaps and failures.
“But when we stopped last time everything ended”. This kind of confuses me. Did Mr. Lion get bored?
Please if you would clarify or expound on this.
Thank you,
MMNYC
I wasn’t bored. I was concerned that Mrs. Lion had lost interest. I didn’t want to risk rejection and avoided sexual contact. We had a big communication failure.
I had reached a “what’s in it for me” moment. I was always doing things for Lion and I really wanted him to initiate. He said that was difficult for him. Eventually I decided if it was too difficult for him to initiate then it was too difficult for me to play with him. At the time it made perfect sense, but in hindsight it was very passive aggressive.
I have to be honest here, the more I read your blog, and I read it fairly consistently, the more I see I am less tempted to pursue this keyholding I was formerly quite intending to engage in with someone. I say just chop it off, kidding. But it seems very time consuming and a lot of focus on balancing out tease and denial. Unless one is a sadist then I suspect it’s easier. I wonder how long this dynamic can be sustained? But that’s one of the points of reading the blog isn’t it?
MistressMetalNYC
Very interesting observation. I think a lot of people expect enforced chastity to be fairly one dimensional; lock him up and let him out once in a while for a roll in the hay. The reality is that, as we are still learning, enforced chastity involves deep feelings on both sides and is fairly consuming. I think that over time it gets much easier as both partners settle into their roles. It isn’t so much torturing the caged male as it is keeping his interest high. Like women, men will lose interest in sex if unstimulated over time. Teasing, for many, becomes more fun than actual orgasms. I can see that point of view. For a male, tease and deny is very much like multiple orgasms for a woman.
So far we are in our eleventh month doing this. Neither of us wants to quit. So, at least in our case, it isn’t too much trouble after all.