From The Heart

There are times that I think it was a mistake to share so much in our blog. We decided to use this blog as a way to communicate our adventures in enforced chastity. We decided early on that it wouldn’t be endless sexual adventures, but would be a combination of what we did and how we felt.

In that spirit we have been very open about everything that has to do with our power exchange and how we incorporate male chastity into our relationship.We have also talked about problems we have had in the past.

Some of the things that were revealed in our posts surprised me. Mrs. Lion has talked about how she felt during the times we weren’t sexually active. She said she struggled with things I wanted because she felt I wasn’t giving to her. But during those years we never talked about this. We never tried to work out a way to make things work in bed.

Of course, all this is very public now and some of our readers have contributed comments that add to our discussions. I am very happy to see this participation. Some comments have made me feel badly. The reason for this is that apparently either we are not doing this correctly, or we can’t communicate the three dimensional nature of enforced chastity. For the record, I have over three decades of topping and bottoming and I know all about topping from the bottom. Apparently some of our readers don’t know much about it at all.

Topping from the bottom is a manipulation of the top to give the bottom what he wants. It’s usually not subtle and almost never occurs in long term power exchanges. You are most likely to find this behavior in a playroom during a two hour scene. In my topping days, I put a stop to it quickly. Some of our readers mistake communication with topping from the bottom. Asking for something isn’t topping. It’s just asking. In my case, Mrs. Lion can always say, “No.” Sometimes it’s hard for her to do that, but she is learning. Other times she likes my suggestion and gives it a try.

Which is better: staying silent and never opening up new opportunities to the inexperienced top, or offering suggestions and making requests? Depending on the situation either is appropriate. I try to reserve my requests and suggestions for times we are not playing. That gives Mrs. Lion time to consider what I have said and doesn’t put pressure on her to do what I want then and there.

Some of you have interpreted her accepting of a suggestion or request as weakness on her part and topping from the bottom on mine. It’s just not true. First and foremost we love one another. Mrs. Lion is my keyholder and top because I asked her to be (Oh No! Topping from the bottom.). She is doing it to make me happy. Naturally, she wants to know exactly what does make me happy. That makes perfect sense to me.

Over the last 10 months, Mrs. Lion has begun to develop her own topping dialect. She is far less inclined to take every suggestion I make. She has made it clear that she is her own lioness and while she may be doing all this for me, she understands that I don’t want to write her lines or direct our movie. We are communicating and learning.

A comment came in yesterday from a female reader who indicated that she is losing interest in becoming a keyholder because of the level of effort required in real-life enforced chastity. Here’s what she said,

I have to be honest here, the more I read your blog, and I read it fairly consistently, the more I see I am less tempted to pursue this keyholding I was formerly quite intending to engage in with someone. I say just chop it off, kidding. But it seems very time consuming and a lot of focus on balancing out tease and denial. Unless one is a sadist then I suspect its easier. I wonder how long this dynamic can be sustained? But thats one of the points of reading the blog isnt it?

I sense that the subtext here is that she worries teasing could easily be too cruel. Actually, that is one thing you never have to worry about. I’ve yet to meet a guy who doesn’t learn to absolutely love teasing. The only reason you need to stop a teasing session is that you are tired and want to lock him back up. The other issue is the time it takes. Well, if you lock up someone you are in a relationship with, the time spent will be quality time, and time you would have been together anyway.

Despite the changes Mrs. Lion and I are making, enforced chastity is fun. Admittedly, it is more fun for me than her, but she gets something out of this too. We are much more sexually active, we hug and kiss more, we laugh together more, and we have more intimacy than we have had in years. If, on the other hand, you just want to lock up a random male, I suspect you will grow tired of it quickly. Enforced chastity is an investment that is made by the keyholder in the ultimate happiness of the caged male. So, you need a reason to make that investment. The same is true of the male. He needs to want more than just getting his cock locked up. He needs to want to develop the trust and love that comes from dependence on another.

(Getting off my soapbox)

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity
2 comments on “From The Heart
  1. Sammy says:

    I think you guys are doing a great job. I find my wife and I in a lot of the same situations and going through a lot of the same emotions as you and your wife. I believe it probably generally the same for an couple who has been together for a long time and has decided to try this out.

    Let’s be honest. Enforced chastity is nothing like what you read in the stories on the internet, for the most part. Odds are slim to none that your wife, girlfriend, or some hot neighbor you’ve been perving on decided one day, on their own, that it was time to lock you up in a steel or plastic cage. I’m sorry, it just doesn’t happen that way. Most of the time becoming locked in a chastity cage involves the male suggesting it to his mate. He seen it on the internet, read some stories, it turned him on. So he finally gets up the nerve to tell her about, she thinks it’s a little weird, but she tries it out because she loves him. While this may not be true 100% of the time, I’m sure it’s pretty close.

    Since this is something that the male brought up, and the mate has agreed to try, odds are she doesn’t really know a whole lot about it. She isn’t the one who has invested hours of time searching up this information on the Internet. So that makes you the one with more knowledge of it than her. So the best idea will be to fill her in on what you’ve read of the topic. You tell her the things you like and what turns you on. Ultimately, the choice is up to her if it’s going to happen or not. As long as she has the final say of what happens, or what doesnt, it’s not topping from the bottom.

    Sorry that got long winded and I think I just started rambling there. The point I’m trying to make is this. In real life, in a loving relationship, enforced chastity is nothing like what you see on the internet. It takes patience and great communication for both people to find the joy in it. Don’t let people’s comments get you down. More than likely they’re just people who have never actually tried it in a real relationship. Keep up the good work!

  2. Pogo says:

    As someone who’s turned into a big fan of yours and Mrs. Lion’s in a short period of time, I’d encourage you to ignore the complaints about not “really” being submissive and topping from the bottom and proceed along your current path. Both you and Mrs. Lion are thoughtful and articulate about chastity and your relationship, and both my Miss and I have found comments from both of you to be helpful in verbalizing our wants and needs and figuring out how chastity fits in our relationship.