November 2014 (Page 7)

Since I have a list of Lion’s future orgasm dates, I decided to change the date on the calendar a few hours before I gave him last night’s orgasm. He was surprised when he saw it. It’s only nine days. Of course, his last wait was about nine days too. It’s not the length of the wait that matters. It’s the fact that I’ve chosen that wait.

Choosing his wait time is the easy part. Now I have to keep him entertained while he waits. It became apparent during this last wait that he only considers teasing to be attention. He is looking for actual penis contact. From my point of view, it is anything I do to him. If I tie him up that counts as attention. If I insert a butt plug that counts. Just because his weenie is still caged, he is getting attention. Not only did our every other day agreement cause confusion this time around, the type of attention did as well.

I said we’d discuss it, but you know what? Too bad, Lion. It all counts as attention. If all I feel like doing is tying your right foot to the bed then that’s the attention you get for that night. Of course I will still do more than that most of the time. But in the interest of clarifying things, that’s my decision.

Punishment doesn’t count as attention. That’s a separate animal altogether. I’m talking about the good attention. By good attention I certainly don’t mean Lion will necessarily enjoy himself. It could be a nice spanking that doesn’t get him floating in sub space. It could be those nasty little clothes pins on his cock head. But punishment has a separate purpose.

I think part of Lion just said, “oh crap” and part of him said, “it’s about time.”

Yesterday was November 17. So, what? you say. That was my orgasm day. So, last night after we watched some TV, Mrs. Lion sat down next to me. I was lying on my back on our bed. I’ll bet you know what happened next. Yup, a great hand job that actually ended in an orgasm. It felt very good. As our calendar now says, my next scheduled orgasm is eight days away, November 26; the day before Thanksgiving. Tis the holiday season!

I was thinking about how things have changed in our lives over the last ten months. Our enforced chastity adventure isn’t at all what I imagined it would be. That’s a good thing. My fantasy was that Mrs. Lion would profit immensely from my being caged; she would have endless orgasms and just get wet when she sees me wanting so badly to come.

It didn’t work out that way for us. It does for some and they are lucky. I’m lucky in a very different way. My lioness isn’t interested in more orgasms for herself. She doesn’t find caging me sexually arousing. She dominates me sexually because it is what I want. That’s a loving and unselfish gift.

It may look like we are doing all this in slow motion. But the pattern makes a lot of sense. When I was a top and met someone new who was to be my playmate, we wouldn’t just get her naked, tie her down, and start whipping her. We had at least one long talk where I learned what she wanted, what she liked, what she hated, and what was off limits.

When we finally played, I took my time testing her reactions to various sensations. I learned what got her wet, what made her angry, and what put her into an endorphin high. Over many play sessions the intensity would slowly rise as we began moving in our special rhythm. Even though the play sessions were only a couple of hours long, it took many of them to reach the intensity we both wanted. I had so much to learn.

That’s the thing about being a top. The so-called power is actually knowledge of the bottom’s body, emotions, and spirit. The top is in many ways serving the bottom. Topping, good topping at least, is a careful dance where each move evokes a predicted response. The top can never get into the moment. Sure, she can enjoy what is happening. Sometimes, rarely, I would get an erection when a play session was going well. The bottom was aroused the entire time. I was working. I didn’t have the time or could afford the loss of focus that indulging my sexual arousal would cause.

If you’ve never been a top, not just for an evening, but for the long pull, you can’t know how much work it really is. You can’t know how fragile my emotions as a top would be. Yes, the big strong lion holding that flogger was more easily wounded than the bottom below him would ever be. You wouldn’t know how much it hurt to misplace a blow. The bottom got a little red mark, but I felt that I failed her. Yet, I couldn’t stop. My role was to complete the scene and provide the stimulation she needed. At the end of the scene, I badly needed to be held and told I did well. Good bottoms know that and make sure they help their tops feel loved and appreciated.

The thing is that a keyholder is a top. Mrs. Lion tops me so that I can get the physical and emotional domination that I need. This isn’t easy for her. It’s so easy for her to feel that she is failing. That one stroke too many that leads to a ruined orgasm. My pouting that I am tired of having to wait. The spanking that hurt when it wasn’t supposed to. All those things feel like failure. But what feels like success?

She loves to make me come, but her role demands she make me wait. She loves to see me smile and be happy, but she knows I suffer when I am teased over and over but get no release. The thing is that I love what she is doing. Some of it I love to hate, but most of it is exactly what I had dreamed of all those years. But where is her joy?

My joy as a top came from seeing the changes I made in my bottom’s life. It came from doing my top stuff well. I hope the same is true of Mrs. Lion. Every time she edges me, she is doing something difficult and doing it well. Every time she kindly-but-firmly says, “No.” she is succeeding. Each time she spanks me for breaking a rule and she sees me lie docilely and accept my punishment, she has changed me.

Transformation is a great source of joy in topping. Seeing the bottom’s realization of a dream, a destiny, is an amazing feeling. The keyholder is a creator. She has taken one life and changed it for the better. Ultimately, topping may not seem important in the scope of our lives, but this experience changes me, and by changing me, maybe it changes her a little too.

As promised, or threatened if you will, Yesterday Mrs. Lion strapped me into our sling for some attention. It was a medley of spanking, anal insertions, and edging. I know Mrs. Lion plans to write about all that in her post later today so I won’t steal her thunder. As you may have read in my post yesterday, I just wasn’t feeling up to Saturday’s scheduled activities. I asked Mrs. Lion to put it off for a day and she agreed. As you also may have read yesterday, a reader criticized us for this decision. I was a bit surprised that my lioness’ consideration was an apparent weakness in the mind of at least one reader.

Mrs. Lion is caging me and performing all the other dominant acts because I want and need them. I know she has no personal need to do all this stuff. It’s for me. Make no mistake, that doesn’t mean that I call the shots and she acts as my personal S/M entertainer. She is very much in charge of the den and of me. She accepted the role at my request, but she doesn’t let me write the script.

For us, at least, enforced chastity is a long term activity that we will almost certainly do for the foreseeable future. Even now, ten months after we began, there is still so much to learn. Slowly, maybe too slowly for me sometimes, Mrs. Lion is assuming control and is developing her own style of lion taming. To do that, she needs feedback from me. Yes, she can wale away at me and judge by my reactions when it is time to stop. She can peg me until I bleed or until I cry. That’s one approach to learning. It’s the approach followed in Internet fantasies.

That isn’t a very smart way to learn the keyholder role. If she used it, Mrs. Lion would feel guilty about hurting me and would be reluctant to keep going. She loves me and wants to know she is giving me what I want and need; not doing what I want. There is a big difference there. What I want is for her to assume sexual control of me. The last thing I want is for her to have me tell her what to do. She likes and uses some of my suggestions. But she alone decides if and when I come, when and how much I am teased, and what punishments I get for breaking her rules.

There is a big difference between “what” and “how”. What, in this case, is that I want her in charge and I want her to take full control of my sexuality. How she does this is not a bit under my control. Mrs. Lion does listen to me when I have a suggestion, or like yesterday, when I don’t feel up to playing. She doesn’t have to change what she will do. But she does choose to listen.

Why? Not because she lets me top from the bottom. Oh no, that’s not it at all. It’s because she loves me and she wants to develop a long term strategy to keep me controlled. She is teaching me that I have limits. Last time I growled about waiting to come. She added a day to my wait. I hated that, but I didn’t dare growl again. She is teaching me and I am learning.