Take Back Your Key

“Take back your key!” This phrase strikes fear into the heart of any guy locked up in enforced chastity. The fact that this phrase is the ultimate punishment a keyholder can inflict says a lot about the true nature of enforced chastity. Enforced chastity depends on the belief that the caged male has no control over his situation. The chastity device stays in place until the keyholder takes it off. This belief is central to the entire enforced chastity experience.

I thought a lot about this since Mrs. Lion agreed to lock my penis. I know that she locks me up because it makes me happy. It stands to reason that she would stop if I no longer want to be caged. That’s where I see a problem. There is a big difference between consensual and voluntary. You consent to join the army, but you can’t just walk away if you don’t like it. You consented. Once you agreed, you made a contract that you can’t leave until it expires. If you agree to work in a soup kitchen, and then decide to stop, you can. You are a volunteer.

That’s the big difference. I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. She agreed. We both agreed that I would remain locked up until March 2016. We have a verbal contract. So if I ask her to give me back the key, she is obliged to refuse. If she gets sick of my behavior and wants to stop, she’s stuck too. I asked Mrs. Lion to make this agreement because it can be too easy to just give up. Enforced male chastity seems like a rather simple power exchange. But it isn’t.

I realized that our enforced chastity hits both of us at very profound levels. Mrs. Lion has to learn to be willing to hurt me with discipline and by withholding sex when I badly want it. That goes against the grain of everything she has been taught. It makes her act to make me unhappy even though she agreed to locking me up because it makes me happy. That is a major conflict and requires a lot of time and work to resolve in her own mind.

She also has to learn to exercise her power in ways that meet the need I expressed when I wanted to be locked up. When she does exercise it, she has to learn to cope with my reactions, which may be childish and inappropriate. She has to stand firm in the face of my sincere expressions of pain and anger. But if I asked for this in the first place, why would I react so badly?

I shouldn’t. I should always recognize that when I hurt, physically or emotionally, it is because I am getting what I want. Real control has to result in real emotional reactions. When Mrs. Lion added a day to my wait, I was truly upset. I had no idea it would have that effect on me. I figured that I might growl a bit and stamp around, but I didn’t expect it to feel like I took a punch in the gut.

Now that I have had time to think about it, I understand my reaction. It was a good sign. It meant that Mrs. Lion had exercised true control. She didn’t do something that I wanted her to do. She did something to make a point and expected me to hate the outcome. I’m sure my reaction didn’t make her feel good or make her feel she was doing her job well. She probably felt awful that I was upset. Fortunately, she also recognized that she was doing what I wanted. I just didn’t like how it felt when I wasn’t pushing the buttons.

That’s the point, isn’t it? Power exchange. The biggest mistake all tops make in the beginning is to believe that the bottom will be grateful for everything they get. In a play session, the bottom better be grateful. It was exactly what he/she wanted. Long term topping, like enforced male chastity is different. The bottom (caged male) wants to be controlled. Sooner or later he is going to hate the results of this agreement. It’s inevitable.

What happens next is where the rubber really meets the road. Mrs. Lion stood her ground and even told me that if I didn’t stop being so difficult, she would add more days to my wait. That was no idle threat. I am really locked in and whether I get out or get off is completely in her hands. It felt scary to be helpless. I think I learned something. I am much more careful about my behavior. So far, she hasn’t had to add any time to my waits.

We are only a few weeks from finishing our first year. We have independently decided that keeping me in a chastity device has been good for our relationship and that we don’t want to stop. I think we are at the very beginning of exploring the actual power exchange. Mrs. Lion is still very careful to keep things within my comfort zone. Maybe adding that day to my wait scared her. I hope not. That was the first time I have truly felt her power. It hurt, but in another way it was deeply satisfying.

Living in a chastity device is a lot more complex than I thought. I don’t enjoy waiting to come when I truly want to get off. I struggle to be accepting of Mrs. Lion’s decisions and punishments. Clearly it’s going to be a slow process for me to learn to gracefully accept loss of control. I’m deeply grateful Mrs. Lion has the patience and love to do this for me.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity

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