Once upon a time, a long time ago when I was innocent and thought it was kinky to have oral sex, I came across a book that changed my life: The Joy Of Sex by Alex Comfort. Tucked near the end in a section called “Sauces and Pickles” was the description of Slow Masturbation For Him:
“To make this work you need to know how to tie your partner and to have a partner who likes struggling against resistance, but it works for a great many people. Traditionally, the woman does this to the man, but it plays in either direction. You need good access and a completely helpless partner, though you can try it without if bondage turns you off, but the result is quite different and you can’t get so far. The knack lies in playing on your partner like an instrument, alternately pushing him forard and frustrating them.
“The woman starts by tying the man to her satisfaction, either staked out, or wrists behind and ankles crossed, knees open, naked, and on his back. …She has two focal points to attend to, his mouth and his penis, and the knack during the warm-up period, consists in keeping both occupied continuously and without triggering ejaculation. The possibilities are obvious — hand to each, hand to one mouth or pussy to the other; varied by a touch of her breasts, her armpit, or even her hair. Between the two poles she will work over his most sensitive areas with her fingertips, her tongue, and her pussy — this last with one hand on his penis and other palm over is mouth, never letting the rhythm slacken. If his erection begins to go down, she stops, tightens him up, then re-stiffens him. She can now begin slow masturbation proper.
“This is about the most mind-blowing (and, while it lasts, frustrating) sexual sensation of which most males are capable. (If you want to know why we say start by tying your lover, try it for a few moments with an unbound partner.) She sits well up on his chest, with her buttocks to his chin, and puts each of her ankles inside the crook of one of his knees, or sits with her knees bent and her calves tucked under his arms. She should hold the root of his penis with one hand and with the other pull the skin back as far as it will go with finger and thumb, thumb towards her. Then she starts quick, nervous strokes — each one quick, that is, but timed at one per second, no faster. After about twenty of these, about ten very quick strokes. Then she resumes the slow rhythm. And so on. [Note: Comfort clearly never tried this himself. The hand that does the stroking must be well lubed or the experience will just be painful.]
“If she thinks he is about to ejaculate (you can sense this with practice), she should drop the speed and keep this up as long as she thinks he can stand it.”
That short (there is more in the book, but this is the part that got to me) section changed me sexually. Before reading this, I had never considered being tied up. In fact, I had no idea that people did things like that. Reading Comfort’s description, I could feel myself spread-eagle and a woman’s hands on my penis. I dreamed about this regularly for years. When I finally talked a partner into trying this with me, it was amazing, if unsuccessful. She didn’t hold me on the edge. She couldn’t read my signs.
Now, decades later, almost every other day, Mrs. Lion edges me. She brings me to the frustrating edge of orgasm as many times as she wants. I’m not tied down and generally, she stays a dozen or so strokes short of ruined orgasm. Also, she doesn’t practice the technique Comfort described in his book. It really doesn’t matter.
That short bit of text in a groundbreaking book about sex changed me forever. This was no small change. It awakened a beast that has never since slept. Everything else: spanking, chastity, anal play, pain, and lots more. My ex-wife’s horror at tying me up or spanking me is one of the contributing causes of our divorce. Sex is a powerful force.
I remain amazed that this single quote was (and is, actually) so powerful to me. How many of us can trace the absolute source of our kinks to a single event? So much of us evolves over many years. But this single short section of a book transformed me sexually. It’s turned out to be a happy transformation.
As Mrs. Lion mentioned in her post yesterday, we saw the movie “Sex Tape” last night. The main premise is a couple making a sex tape by acting out all of the stuff in The Joy of Sex. That’s what got me thinking about slow masturbation. Have you tried this?
I know this section of JoS so well, because it was also a turning point for me. I can remember the sketch, too.
I remember that section of The Joy of Sex well! I found a copy in my dad’s top drawer when I was a teenager back in the 80s. Just reading about it turned me on so much that all I could do was dream about it for years. I asked my college girlfriend to try it on me, but it didn’t work. She seemed to think the point was to get me off as quickly as possible (even though I told her it was the opposite). Now my wife does it to me on a regular basis—and I love it.
To the newcomer, I suggest following the instructions in the book with a few changes. First, don’t tie the man’s hands behind his back if he’s going to be lying on his back. This is very uncomfortable. Second, the lady should very slowly gently tease the man’s penis with her finger tips, avoiding the head, to ratchet up sexual tension. If the fellow is like me, it won’t take much of this treatment until he’s literally dripping precum and desperate for release. At this point, my wife lies beside me, looks into my eyes and slowly milks me. When I get really close she will stop all stimulation and let me calm down. When I beg her to resume again, she laughs at me, saying things like “Poor baby. I know this is hard for you. You’d just do anything to squirt, wouldn’t you you pathetic little man?.” Then she resumes again very slowly and gently, careful not to make me cum, sometimes for a half hour or more, until I’m in another world of sexual frustration. When I finally orgasm it’s almost a religious experience. Wow!