Same Old Problems

My cage with its new rings came back yesterday. Last night Mrs. Lion teased me and put me back in the cage with the new 1 5/8 inch ring. When the cage arrived, I tried on the new rings; at least I tried. The 1 5/8″ ring felt good. I couldn’t get both balls through the 1 1/2″ ring. I could get one through, but not the other. It isn’t that one ball is bigger than the other. There just didn’t seem to be enough room in the ring to get it through. I’m sure that if I continue to change and need to go down a size, I will find a way to get the 1 1/2″ ring on. I’m happy to be caged again.

One of the risks when you try something new is that it appears to work, but in fact masks a problem that hasn’t gone away. I’m afraid that is our situation. In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion returned to a subject that interferes with her enjoyment of sex: who initiates. I’ve never been good at initiation. It’s probably one reason why enforced chastity is so appealing. It’s not so much that I don’t know how to initiate, it’s just for some reason, having to do it makes me very anxious.

Is it a fear of rejection? Rationally, that makes no sense at all; at least on the surface. But rejection isn’t just saying no. It’s also lack of response. I’m not saying that Mrs. Lion doesn’t respond. She does, but not quickly or very detectably. I can’t really tell when I start if I am on the right track unless I ask directly.

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Mrs. Lion’s typical response to any mention on my part of difficulty to initiate is to withdraw and continue doing what I want. So, the problem goes away, right? Of course not. Mrs. Lion just sacrifices her happiness for mine. I’m not selfish enough to do that. But I’m also paralyzed when confronted with initiation. That’s why our sex life disappeared.

Now, a year after I have been locked up, we have been working toward giving Mrs. Lion more sexual pleasure. I think her scheduled orgasms have been working. Even though she picks the date, I pick the time and I initiate. I’ve even been a bit more comfortable doing it. Those dates represent to me, agreement that I can safely stimulate her to orgasm.

Why would unscheduled orgasms be different? I had to think about that for a while. The reason to me, at least, is that I don’t want to fail. Mrs. Lion has said here that when I initiated a couple of months ago and gave her an orgasm, it wasn’t really that good. I didn’t do enough foreplay and even though she came, it wasn’t very good. Lion got a F.

I love pleasing Mrs. Lion. I love how she sounds when she comes. I love how she tastes and feels. I want to give her all the orgasms she wants. What’s the problem, then? In my mind it is the lack of meaningful feedback. A “Not tonight, let’s try again tomorrow,” would be far better than quietly enduring my attempts to please. I don’t mean to be critical. Mrs. Lion is a wonderful lover.

I think the issue is that we have complimentary issues that conspire to mess things up. I don’t want to be rejected or fail. I worry a lot about that. Mrs. Lion would rather let things happen or just not get things than make any request or demand for anything that is for her pleasure. I understand it. She has always avoided expecting things so she won’t be disappointed. The last thing I want to do is disappoint her. But if she doesn’t expect me to please her and would rather either give up or not respond, then my feeble attempts to initiate will feel like failure.

There may also be the question of definitions. If Mrs. Lion says that she is horny and I give her an orgasm, who initiated? Was it her for letting me know she was interested in sex? I suspect that she believes that. I strongly disagree. Saying she is horny is only a weather report. She is letting me know about her sexual temperature at the moment. I am free to acknowledge and not take action. She didn’t tell me to please her. She just said she was feeling sexy.

Under the current conditions, that is unlikely to happen. Mrs. Lion’s libido has gone to sleep. So, we came up with the idea of scheduled orgasm dates. These are surrogates of expressions of horniness.

I realize that this is my problem. I’ve had it forever. I want to do better. I want to please Mrs. Lion as much as she wants. I love making her come. I want to do it whenever she will let me. It’s clear we both need to make some more changes beyond enforced chastity. It’s critical neither of us withdraw from the progress we have made and work to make things even better.

When I read her post, at first I wanted to put the cage in a drawer and go back to the way we were. I feel terribly selfish right now. But I also think that abandoning enforced chastity wouldn’t help and would probably hurt because Mrs. Lion would feel that she failed. She hasn’t. She is an incredible keyholder.

It’s time for me to step up more. Exactly how, I’m not sure right now, but I will find a way to provide Mrs. Lion with the satisfaction she deserves. We can’t withdraw. I think we have learned quite a lot over the last year. Now I hope we can apply that learning to making Mrs. Lion happier.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion’s first mouth soaping was 7/17.

What do you think?