Rituals

In my reading of enforced chastity blogs and forums, there are endless references to rituals performed as part of the enforced chastity experience. Many are very elaborate. For example, one couple stores the chastity device key in a lock box. The keyholder has the key to the box. The box is stored in the caged male’s nightstand. If he wants sex, he takes the box out and gives it to his keyholder. She can either open it or give it back. He could have just asked her if he could have an orgasm. But, at least to him, this ritual has value.

I’ve read of incredibly complex rituals around male milking and other relatively simple activities. Other rituals are very simple. I am required to send an email to Mrs. Lion at work before noon each day. We both like that one because we love contacting each other. Beyond that we don’t have much in the way of ritual behavior.

Rituals in power exchange relationships are important to the submissive partner. This generalization is not, of course, universal. I think the reason rituals are so important to the bottom/submissive/caged male is that they offer consistency in what is essentially a rather scary world. In my case, if I want to get sexual release I have to be obedient and do what Mrs. Lion wishes. She, of course, calls all the shots. Now, if we had a ritual for, say anal play (Mrs. Lion, I am not suggesting we need one!), I would be able to know what was coming and how it would proceed. The ritual would define our actions in that particular activity.

Aside from comfort, rituals can create a “memory” for sensations. If, for example, before stimulating my penis, Mrs. Lion always kissed or licked my ear, I would learn to be aroused by that first gesture. My mind would associate penile stimulation with my ear being kissed. Similarly, a hand gesture could have the same result. If right after a particular gesture, I got stimulation, over time I would learn to be aroused just by the gesture. Think Pavlov.

This is behavioral conditioning. Ritual, whether religious or sexual, serves to be a shortcut to some state. In some religions, practitioners work to achieve a trance-like state. Initially it takes time and energy. However, if something like incense is burned at the same time the people work to get into that state, they will associate the scent of incense with being in the trance state and will automatically enter it with little effort when they get that scent.

Rituals are signals of something to come. Many are performed immediately before the act they signal. However, some of the most fun ones take place some time in advance. For example, if it is orgasm night for a caged male, maybe an email or verbal announcement that tonight is the night (I love that). Following that perhaps the male is required to bathe very carefully and perform other activities in preparation for the fun. This sort of thing serves two purposes: It extends the arousal and essentially, the orgasm itself for hours prior to the stimulation, and it reinforces the submissive nature of all this by requiring specific activities by the male. A further benefit is that theses rituals do not have to include any effort by the keyholder.

If you wonder why your caged male wants rituals (he may not know that is what they are, but now you do), you can see that they provide a pleasant extension of the things he likes best about being in enforced chastity. Most importantly, rituals performed by the male help convert what is essentially a passive role into a more active one. We guys love that.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Advice for a new keyholder, Discipline, Femdom, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity, Sex
2 comments on “Rituals
  1. Sprockett says:

    Great article, I’ve read some of the stuff out there on Rituals and some of it seemed so steeped in the top/bottom culture that I got lost in the point of the whole thing. While I think some agreed upon ritual is good, I think you also can go overboard with it. For Mrs Sprockett and I, we did a written contract that we both agreed too. It helped set boundaries and established some ritual, like a weekly maintenance session where she makes sure that all the right spots are shaved, and everything is in good shape.

    But what we are finding is that some ritual is creeping in on it’s own, and that’s a good thing, it brings consistency to something that is still very new, and exploratory to us.

    I’ve asked her to subscribe to your site, there are a lot of similarities and I find a great deal of information here, that we can apply. And I hope she can ask Mrs Lion some questions, I know she has them 🙂

    Good Stuff.

    -Sprockett-

    • Caged Lion says:

      Mrs. Lion is happy to answer questions. We may not have [em]the answer[/em] but we both are very happy to share what we have learned.

What do you think?