The other night about 24 hours after my last orgasm, we were lying quietly in bed facing each other. I was in one of those moods that had me wondering why I put myself in a situation that so severely limited my ability to enjoy sex. After all, here I was, locked into a device that prevented me from any sexual pleasure, even an erection. I asked Mrs. Lion why I was in this situation.. She replied calmly,
You asked me to lock you up.
“Crap,” I said softly. I did, didn’t I?
Yup, she replied.
I was quiet a while. I kept thinking about this decision. Is it the same as the idea of eating my semen? It seems so hot before I come, but as soon as I begin ejaculating, the idea is horrid. Could my lockup be another of those great-until-it-happens fantasies? Of course, it could I thought. But it’s been going on for a year, so I’m either terminally stupid or something else is going on.
“How would you feel about stopping?” I asked.
That’s not going to happen, she responded softly.
“I thought that you do this because it makes me happy. What if it stops making me happy?”
It’s good for us, she said.
“I can’t deny that,” I replied.
It’s true. Even with the waiting for orgasms, we are both having more sexual and physical contact than we have had in years. Before we started enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion didn’t want orgasms for herself more than two or three times a year. She would masturbate me or give me a rare blow job every month or two. I masturbated one or two times a week to fill in.
I did ejaculate more often. But I wasn’t having all that much fun. My reaction the other night, I think, comes more from the realization that I have no control of when I can come. It may sound odd, but until that conversation, deep down inside me, I was sure that Mrs. Lion would quit if I wanted her to end it. After all, she said numerous times that she was doing this to make me happy. So, if it stopped making me happy to be controlled this way, I figured she would let me go.
I asked her, “Would you unlock me and stop this [sic: enforced chastity] if I said I wanted to stop. There was a pause.
No, it’s good for us.
At least that’s what I remember. She may have said it differently, but that was the unmistakable message. According to the enforced chastity mythology, I was supposed to get a warm feeling of love and live happily ever after. That wasn’t at all what I was feeling. I felt the same way that I do when Mrs. Lion’s semen covered fingers move to my mouth and I have to suck them clean.
It wasn’t a good feeling. It was the feeling of certainty that is beyond my control. Despite my actions to the contrary, I am not generally submissive. When I am not bathing in the warmth of arousal, the reality of my lost control can be disturbing.
I think this is a turning point for me. Mrs. Lion has planned when over the next few months I will be given an orgasm. If she actually sticks to these dates and refuses to give in to my requests, I will be forced to go through the process of truly surrendering control.
There is a potential problem. I have a fairly large collection of coupons that allow me to get an orgasm when I want. I haven’t used any because I sensed that even though Mrs. Lion gave them to me, using one would return some measure of control to me.
When I mentioned this to her, she said, I gave them to you so I am still in control.
I have to disagree. A get-out-of-jail free card is a way of returning control, albeit temporary, to me. Based on last night as well as those other times, usually at the sixth day of waiting, that I become negative about this experience, I am not ready to have any control at all.
Putting the power exchange aside, there is a much more important reason that enforced chastity has to continue in our relationship. Somehow this activity has rekindled intimacy and sexuality in our relationship. I have theories why this is happening, but the fact is that things have changed. Mrs. Lion said that she believes my being caged is critical to this continuing. I think this is correct.
Even if Mrs. Lion truly doesn’t want sexual control and wants to make me happy, it’s clear that both of our sexual happiness depends on her maintaining this control and refusing, even at the risk of making me unhappy for a while, to let me take back control of my arousal and orgasm.
It’s clear that each of us will have times we would rather not play this game. There are times I will hate being caged. I think it is surprising that this hadn’t really come up sooner. I think the reason it hasn’t is that up until now I believed I still had control. I want to be caged, so I am. I didn’t feel deep down that I had surrendered.
Somehow, my learning that Mrs. Lion has determined when I will orgasm and has done it without my input finally got the fact that I’m no longer in control through my thick skull. For this to work it can’t be about when I want to come. It has to be about when I am allowed to. It also has to be about not yielding to me when I want more orgasms. That’s why orgasm coupons may not be the best idea for me.
This is just like eating my semen. It’s a hot idea until I actually have to do it. Clearly I have arrived at the “eating” time for enforced chastity.