Does Having Choices Cancel Her Control?

I’ve been wrestling with an issue that I admit, is purely mine. You see, I want to feel that Mrs. Lion has sexual control of me. It’s my kink. Wearing a cage that I can’t take off and that prevents any sexual pleasure is a big part of it. Another big part is that she can discipline me and control if and when I get teased or, if very lucky, an orgasm. What she makes me do is part of this control as well. I’m sure you know that anyway. Over the last year we have both been learning how to put this into practice. Slowly, Mrs. Lion has been learning to exercise control and even spank me sometimes for breaking rules.

I’m a slow learner too. I haven’t really figured out exactly how to react to her fledgling dominance. I may be trying too hard. I crave consistency but that isn’t Mrs. Lion’s style. So, I tend to make much more of any moves she makes in the controlling direction. So, when I get opportunities to call the shots (i.e. the “Love Coupons” I am sure you are tired of reading about) it makes me worry.

So, you might think, all Mrs. Lion has to do is be super strict and eliminate any sexual choices I might have. Are things ever that simple? Theoretically, that would work. But in practice, that role would be very difficult for her and would guarantee that she never felt I really wanted to do anything for her. It turns her on when I initiate sex. However, that’s a choice for me. We figured that one out for now. Mrs. Lion sets an orgasm date for herself and I initiate on that date. Smart Lioness!

For now, my orgasms are also scheduled. You can see the next date and other stats in the right column of this blog. Until very recently, Mrs. Lion has been giving me “bonus” orgasms. These bonuses are really great and they are entirely her idea. But in my little mind, sometimes I feel that I had something to do with getting them. That feels a bit like control. Over the last two or three waits, Mrs. Lion hasn’t given me any bonuses. That feels more controlling to me. Is that better for me? Well, for right now it is. Though I think that later, once I get things through my head, it might be great to get a bonus here or there. Bear in mind that neither of us see any particular benefit in long waits.

I am hugely conflicted here. I love sex. I really love orgasms. A day doesn’t go by when I don’t wonder why I wanted to do this. I really hate waiting. But, as we have both said before, we are having way more sex now than we did for the last decade. I’ve been thinking about bonus orgasms. When I am strapped into the sling and Mrs. Lion has spent a long time doing anal play, spanking, cbt, and other play, an orgasm is a great way to finish. On the other hand (there always seems to be some damn “other hand” with this stuff), it is a fantastic display of power to just lock me up when she finishes play without letting me come. It seems that there is almost always a benefit in not letting me come. Similarly, extending my wait has the same beneficial effect.

It’s too bad that all these benefits accrue from depriving me of something I want so badly. But they do. Maybe spankings should also include extending my wait. That always gets my attention. I am not suggesting that every spanking include another day or more added, but I am suggesting that extensions are an unused way to raise the stakes. It’s easy to make this suggestion when I am horny. But I reluctantly have to admit it is a good one.

Any real power exchange, whether enforced chastity or anything else, is only effective if the person surrendering power is losing things that really matter. “Forcing” me to do things — or for that matter, not do things — I want to do anyway, is not surrendering power at all. Keeping me away from a sincerely needed orgasm is. I’ve just hung myself by my own petard, haven’t I?

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion’s first mouth soaping was 7/17.

One comment on “Does Having Choices Cancel Her Control?
  1. TL says:

    I think that it’s still control to have choices. She gives you those choices. She can take them away too. When you choose to use a coupon she can decide not to let you. With me and my girl, since we have no device, I have to ask any time I want to play. She will decide then and there if I’m allowed. I can earn a “free play day” for good behavior. Where I get a day or weekend where I don’t have to ask to play. I have to ask to use one and she’ll decide if I’m allowed to use one or tell me what day I’m allowed to. Still under her control, but I have a choice. I love the choice. Some see it differently. I still need to bring up the love coupon idea to her. She might like it. It sounds like another fun way to spice things up!

What do you think?