Out of Control

My post yesterday was rather snarky. I had just had a run-in with an annoying website and I was frustrated. I said what I meant to say, but I didn’t say it the way I should have. Here’s how I see our chastity life.

Lion asked me to cage him. I did. I really thought it would be a short term deal. Am I upset that it’s still going? No way! We’ve learned a lot about each other and we’ve grown sexually.

Lion asked me to punish him. I try to, but I am failing at it. I need to work at that. I have no real desire to change him so the problem is finding something to punish him for.

Lion asked me to be in control sexually. I’m trying to do that. I instituted the every-other-play-day rule (for myself). I set dates for his orgasms. I decide what kind of play he gets, when he gets it, and how much he gets. I decide when I want to take an orgasm (bonus orgasm).

Lion asked me to figure out why my libido is in the crapper. I haven’t been able to figure out why, but I have set orgasm date for myself to see if we can jump start it. At this point it has done little for my desire, although Lion continues to be able to give me orgasms. The mechanics were never an issue. Actually wanting sex is the issue.

Lion asked me to be more in control by learning independently about chastity and controlling him. This is the part that frustrates me. He wants me to find something that I like to do. I’ve told him repeatedly that making him happy is what I like about it. I don’t have a deep-seated need to cage him or spank him. He has that need. I know he sees any advice or suggestions he gives me as topping from the bottom. I know he wants me to find things to make chastity and topping him better. However, since it isn’t something I need, how do I know if it will make it better? Am I just supposed to randomly try things? What if it’s not what he wants? Why do something that’s not what he wants? It won’t be something I want. As I said, it’s not a need I have.

I don’t believe I am suddenly going to have an aha moment and decide that the integral part of my life that has been missing is suspending Lion with fish hooks. Or wrapping his body in plastic wrap. Or making him scrub my back in the bathtub. Or going to the opera (not sexual, but still a fantasy of his that I will suddenly “get culture”).

I thought we were doing pretty well. I know I fail in the punishment department and even playing most of the time just involves cock and ball play. We’d decided that we didn’t want long wait times. We’d decided that the scheduling of orgasms was going well. He liked knowing how long he had to wait. I liked knowing I could give him a bonus orgasm if I wanted to. Apparently I’m doing that too often so I’ll try to restrain myself.

Having said all this, I’m not going to stop doing what we’ve been doing. I’m still convinced the cage has been helping our sex life. Well, Lion’s sex life. Mine is still dormant. I think we’re happier. I just think that my trying to find things he’s interested in will fail. Of course if we do enough things then by brut force we’ll find things, but that will be exhausting and even more frustrating.

I’m sure a lot of this is the PMS talking. Maybe I just need to wait until I feel less out of control.

[Lion — I don’t usually comment to my sweet lioness’ posts, but in this case I feel I have to. I am deeply grateful for all the hard work and study that Mrs. Lion has put into her efforts to make me happy. She has succeeded far beyond my wildest dreams. Typically, we write posts on similar topics (and no, we don’t cheat and read each other’s first).

I wrote my post for tomorrow before I read this post. It’s about how I see pretty much the same stuff. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow to read it (mean Lion!).

Mrs. Lion is right. I want her to like what she does to me. I want her to make enforced chastity her own. I understand that is very unlikely to happen, at least the way I imagine it.

But it has happened in a surprising way. Mrs. Lion is making me sexually happy. Things have changed massively over the last year in that department. She has told you and I that she feels things are better as well. For whatever reason, enforced chastity has improved our lives.

The reason I asked her to look beyond me for input and inspiration isn’t because I want her to magically change, or even learn new things. It’s because I want her to have resources beyond me. They may never pan out, but at least her perspective on enforced chastity won’t be just what she hears from me]

What do you think?