I’ve been having an online conversation in a chastity forum about getting started in an enforced chastity adventure. The guy who has asked to be locked up wondered about how others went about making things work. He was not interested in the fantasies, but rather the nuts-and-bolts reality of a chastity relationship.
One of his observations was that his wife was interpreting his desire to be locked up all night as a way to avoid sex with her. Apparently, he isn’t locked during the day. If you look at this concern through the lens of chastity fantasy, it makes no sense. Chastity fantasies have the caged male working day and night to give his lucky keyholder lots of orgasms.
Look at it through her eyes. She isn’t interested in becoming a cruel and demanding mistress who deprives her husband of sexual relief. She doesn’t want to tell him to lick her pussy when she is horny — well she might, but not in the beginning. She wants him to be a thoughtful and caring lover. She sees his caged penis as a way to avoid this loving contact.
One of the key premises of any submissive fantasy, which includes enforced chastity, is that the submission is imposed on the male. As you know, this is totally wrong; both in the BDSM world and enforced chastity. Everything is consensual, and in the case of enforced chastity, the request comes from the guy who wants to be locked up.
So, you want to be caged. You buy a device and try it on. You get more and more excited. Finally, you ask your wife to hold the key. She’s probably not terribly clear on what this is all about, but if it makes you happy, ok. Sound familiar?
Now the trouble begins. You’re locked up and she has the key. Beyond that she is not sure what should happen. You may share some fantasies with her. Chances are that they weren’t what she was thinking when she took your key. What happens next?
This is where you can make or break this adventure. Ask her what she thinks should happen now that you are locked. She probably won’t have an idea. Ask her how she feels about the fact that your penis isn’t available for spontaneous sex. You may be surprised by her answer. She may not say it directly, but she could be feeling rejected. This is a good chance to reassure her that you want her more than ever and that the cage is an exciting fetish of yours.
Very few women are prepared to be dominant in their relationships. All of us caged males want our women to take sexual charge. Is this what you asked her to do when you gave her your key? Really, did you? Did you ask her how she will feel if she has to unlock you for sex? Did you ask if she would mind telling you when she wants you to please her?
Even if she agreed to all those things, have you been watching to see how she is doing sexually? Has she been having fun?
Over the last year, Mrs. Lion and I have been improving our communication skills. We email daily and ask how each other is doing. I’ll come up with ideas that I think would make my chastity better. Monday, I suggested a daily spanking time (or every other day) where Mrs. Lion could spank me cause I like it or punish me. We already have an ever-other-day tease schedule. You may wonder why so much structure. The answer is that both of us have let sexual things slide for years and we both need a strong framework to assure we don’t just let things stop from inertia.
It’s been working. The structure eliminates my anxiety about things stopping and provides Mrs. Lion with a “to do” that she finds helpful. To me, the most important thing is that I am learning how sexual and chastity activities look through her eyes. While I love that I am locked up, I love even more that my lioness and I are communicating and making each other happy.