Reflections

Over time any blog becomes more and more about the people writing than the topic it is supposed to address. Based on the mail we get, this is a good thing. After all, once you get your enforced chastity questions answered, there would be little reason to continue reading a chastity how-to blog. Since I want to also serve those who want to get started and need the basics, we have fixed pages (see the menu across the top of the page) that address the issues most people want to understand.

What we have evolved into is Mrs. Lion and my journals. We are recording our actions, feelings, and wishes around my enforced chastity. Aside from sharing with you, we are frequently learning new things from each other. There’s something about the written word that provides more concrete communication. It’s one thing to forget what Mrs. Lion said. It’s another to say, “You didn’t write that.” It’s way too easy to go back to the blog and find out exactly what was said.

One of our biggest disconnects has nothing at all to do with enforced chastity. It’s around the basic power exchange itself. This isn’t anyone’s fault. I am not submissive by nature, nor even a little bit passive. Yet, I want to feel control and discipline. If Mrs. Lion took over our relationship and turned it into a domestic discipline, wife-led marriage, I would be miserable. But yet, I want to feel her control.

This has to be confusing for her. She has a very accepting nature. She doesn’t look for opportunities to lead. I think she likes that I manage most of the stuff around our marriage. She isn’t assertive about things she wants.

On one hand we have me, a basically assertive lion who is bull headed and always ready to go in his own direction, yet he craves sexual control and discipline. On the other hand we have an accepting, sweet lioness who is usually happy to go along with whatever her lion wants. In terms of the basic relationship this is as good as it gets. We compliment each other very well. We are opposite in many ways, but like a cup and saucer we fit together.

Then I get disruptive and want something that contradicts the very fabric of our power balance. Granted, we were both feeling physical distance from one another. Sexually, before starting enforced chastity, we were almost completely inactive. This caused each of us some stress, but our relationship and our love continued to get stronger. That made it easier to overlook the sexual elephant in the room.

We each compensated in our own ways. Mrs. Lion switched off sexually. I masturbated when the mood struck. I won’t go into how we came to try enforced chastity. Suffice it to say that I had a long interest in it but had never really tried it out. When I proposed being locked up, Mrs. Lion agreed. I told you that she is very agreeable and sweet.

This disruption is far deeper than we originally imagined. Aside from the obvious physical changes for me, the obvious effect of being locked forced us both to rethink everything about our sex life. Power issues aside, I am completely dependent on Mrs. Lion for any sexual release. Obvious, right? Well not so much.

With the ability to absolutely control my ability to come, came the responsibility of deciding when and how often that should be. Mrs. Lion is not used to making unilateral decisions that affect me so strongly. Moreover, since her sex drive has been in the dumper, these decisions have to be made without reference to any particular need of hers. It has been all about me.

We both have known for a long time that I like to bottom. I enjoy being spanked. At least I enjoy the idea of it. When I am in the process of receiving a punishment spanking I am not having fun. But yet I really want them. I started thinking about it again when I saw a really strong over-the-knee spanking video. How do you punish someone who is usually in control? That’s Mrs. Lion’s dilemma.

Over the last year we have made some progress. Mrs. Lion has let me give her orgasms every so often even if she wasn’t in the “mood” at the time. She has learned to schedule my releases and sometimes resists giving me “bonus” orgasms before my scheduled wait is over. She gives me some fun spankings. I love those. And, on occasion a few punishment swats with a paddle.

Our basic power dynamic hasn’t changed. I don’t think it should. I keep hoping that Mrs. Lion will be more assertive about what she wants. I love granting her wishes. To her great credit, she has been making more domestic decisions. She has also been recognizing some of the things I do around the house. I even got a “Good Lion” coupon last week for an extra non-orgasmic play session. Things are moving in the right direction. Most importantly, our love continues to grow despite my chastity disruption.

I can’t understand why, for want of a better expression, domestic discipline is such a turn on to me. It’s stressful for both of us. Maybe once I get a taste of it, I will realize that it is one of those things that plays way better as a fantasy. Maybe I should just keep it a fantasy now. It isn’t an easy thing for Mrs. Lion to do emotionally or physically. I will have to be restrained. I know I will try to escape when it gets tough. I have no training or experience in receiving serious spankings. I also know I will absolutely hate it.

As you can see, I’m very conflicted about this. Is there a benefit for us if we go through with this much more drastic activity? Will I be happier? Are there behavioral things that need strong correction? If not, should we just try this as another form of play? Is it even possible for Mrs. Lion to comfortably try this? Do I really want this to happen?

I think my side of this falls into the “you don’t have a choice” category. I’m good with that sort of stuff. In fact, without any domestic discipline, I think I could satisfy a lot of my need for control with a larger dose of that sort of action on Mrs. Lion’s part. I really love/hate it when she says that to me.

As I reflect on the things I say I want, I realize that maybe I am visualizing consequences instead of the underlying need those consequences may be only one way of satisfying. Punishment is only one way to demonstrate control. Since I am locked up, Mrs. Lion has other ways to demonstrate her control. They range from ruined orgasms to extending my wait as a consequence of something I have done or failed to do. Skipping play sessions is another, milder consequence.

I know this begs the main question: What actions should have consequences? I’ll give you my thoughts tomorrow.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Discipline, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Sex