No, not the way you think. I still don’t have any hankerings for orgasms. And I have suspended my scheduled orgasms for now. They just felt forced. I know it’s fun for Lion to give me orgasms, but I feel bad when it takes so long for me to be aroused. He seems to be working so hard.
Right now the frustration is with both Lion and myself. Mostly myself. Growing up I did have some expectations of happiness. We didn’t have much, but my parents made sure we had what we needed and had some of what we wanted. We didn’t have designer clothes or a fancy car. I always had my good clothes for school and my play clothes for home. The good shoes and the play shoes. One boring station wagon in the garage. But we did have a camper that we took on vacations every summer. My grandmother liked to get me things that I wanted, even if I didn’t really want them. When we were shopping I would say something was nice and she would buy it for me. Nothing extravagant. Maybe a jump rope or a ball. My mother would tell me I shouldn’t badger my grandmother into buying me things. I knew I didn’t badger her, but just to make sure I stopped admiring things.
When I got married the first time I thought my life would be similar. Well, he had his expectations and I had my expectations and neither of us got our expectations. So I learned that it was easier to not have any expectations. No hoping for the perfect (sometimes any) Christmas present. No hoping for the perfect vacation. My job was to make sure my kids got some of what they wanted, just like my parents had for me.
Enter Lion. He makes sure I get what I need and what I want even if I don’t really want it. To be fair, I am not clear on what I think is nice versus what I want. For example, the other day some tickets went on sale for a comedian I would like to see. By the time I started searching for tickets the good ones had all been gotten by the resellers. We could get tickets that were almost in the lobby or we could sell my truck to buy better ones. Not quite that expensive, but you get the idea. Lion complained about the “lobby” tickets being so far away and I didn’t want to pay the “truck” tickets so I said forget it. I can buy the DVD and see it better than the “lobby” tickets anyway. Lion, being Lion, decided I needed to go to the show. He bought the “lobby” tickets. And then complained again about how far away they are.
I know. I know. What does this have to do with male chastity? Aside from that little walk down memory lane being somewhat cathartic, it beings up Lion’s punishments. Yesterday he forgot to run an errand for me. It was somewhat important. I was out of one of my medications. Would I die if I didn’t have it? Nope. But I had given him a task. So he would receive punishment for not completing it. He said he would go out and complete the task. That’s silly. Why go all the way back to the store just for one thing? I told him it could wait. He said he would go. Finally I told him I would get it on the way home. Then he was quiet.
In my mind he had gone to get the medication. He wasn’t answering my email. No “OK”. No “KISS”. Nothing. I was annoyed. Had he been getting ready to go back out for the medicine while I was typing that last email? Was he now halfway to the store even though I told him not to go? So I decided that if he had disobeyed my instructions he should be punished for it. Maybe not this time because it wasn’t technically a rule before he disobeyed it, but it was now a rule. I was frustrated because he does this all the time. And then I realized that he does it because I am not clear between wanting something and really wanting something. So now I was frustrated with myself.
Long story short (too late), I need to give better instructions to Lion and he needs to follow them. I need to be more clear about what I want and he needs to stop doing things because he thinks I want them. Yet another in a long list of things we need to work on. Together.
It never feels like work to me. It really doesn’t take Mrs. Lion all that much time to be aroused. No more than other women I have known. What seems hard for her to understand is I like every moment of it. Lie back, relax, and enjoy the ride!
Your story – inasmuch as you’ve shared here – resonates with me in terms of expectations, and how they came to be (or not be). I wonder how much of it is pragmatism, as opposed to lack of expectation.
We live in a “want” oriented society, and often people base their expectations on their wants, as opposed to their needs. (If they can even distinguish between the two.) You don’t strike me as a woman with no expectations (it’s clear, for example, that you expect communication in your marriage), but rather as a person who expects the bare necessities (and little else), as you define them, and who appreciates the extras in ways many people don’t.
As to your example above: I have been in similar shoes when it comes to having a request overlooked; my default response is “I’ll take care if it myself then,” because I’ve been conditioned throughout my life to be self-reliant. It is equal parts ‘no big deal’ and ‘crushing blow’ when this happens, because on the one hand I trusted enough, had faith enough, *expected* enough in/from my spouse that I wouldn’t have to worry about it, but on the other hand… I expect no less than that I should have to do it myself. (Whatever “it” happens to be.)
I don’t know if any of that makes sense but I just thought I’d share. *smile*
And just out of curiosity…
Lion doesn’t strike me as particularly submissive; he seems much more like a D-type that enjoys being topped, specifically by you. (This is just an impression based on what I’ve read here, and is not a judgment, positive or negative.) I wonder if you two have delved into that possibility, and if/how that affects you – as individuals and as a couple – when it comes to aligning/setting (realistic) expectations?
What is a “D” type? No, I’m not submissive. I am a switch. What we are doing satisfies my need to bottom, but more importantly is opening up new opportunities to improve our intimacy. I’ve had some time to think about your comment. It is interesting. I don’t think having a submissive personality is a prerequisite to successfully being in chastity or accepting domestic discipline. Some of the best dominatrixes are excellent bottoms and frequently indulge that interest. We aren’t simple critters. The big question in my mind is whether I can successfully submit in the context of our domestic arrangement. It doesn’t mean that I relinquish all independent action or stop managing some of our daily life. That would be unfair to Mrs. Lion. It means that I have given her full control of my sexual pleasure and I submit to her control where she chooses to exercise it. Lions aren’t pushovers, after all.