There are a load of stereotypes around power exchange, whether it is enforced chastity or domestic discipline. Yesterday, when we were out shopping, Mrs. Lion confessed to me that we couldn’t be in a Female Led Marriage (FLM) because she doesn’t like me opening doors for her, doing all the housework, running errands, and otherwise behaving as a house slave. If she didn’t want that sort of relationship, then FLM isn’t what we are doing.
That started me thinking about assumptions we tend to make regarding non-traditional activities. What, for example, constitutes a FLM? What is enforced chastity? Are there required activities for each? When we first started enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion had no real idea what it was about. My initial description was less than articulate. I told her that I wanted her to be in sexual control. I wasn’t very clear what that meant and Mrs. Lion didn’t ask.
Over the last year or so we worked out what it means to us. We are on the same page. I’m very sure our brand of enforced chastity isn’t the same as others. What we do fits the current state of who we are and how we live. We have both written a great deal about this here. We are still learning. Mrs. Lion has introduced ruined orgasms into her teasing repertoire. The last two teasing sessions included one each time. I am not sure if they make me more or less horny. I think it depends on where I am in my waiting. Today is my orgasm day. I’m not sure that I am as desperate as I was last week. It’s so hard to estimate these things. At this point I think that a ruined orgasm less than four or five days before my scheduled release probably makes me less horny. When done before then, it is just frustrating. Just sayin’. I may change my mind about its effect later, but that’s my current sense based on very few actual ruined orgasms.
We just began domestic discipline. Like enforced chastity, I didn’t go into much detail about how I think it works. I didn’t want to write the script. I just presented it as control outside of the sexual arena. We have a few examples since we started and that has helped me, at least, get a better grip on how it works. Mrs. Lion is still processing my request.
On our shopping trip, Mrs. Lion explained that because we share chores and she opens her own doors and pulls out her own chairs, we can’t be doing FLM. I didn’t know that was what we were attempting. Maybe we are. So, it’s time for us to start communicating about expectations and definitions. I think that Mrs. Lion’s point about housework and gallantry is a good start. Let’s put FLM aside for now. If she is in control and we practice domestic discipline, does this change the way we lead our daily lives? In my mind the answer is a resounding, “No!”
There is nothing I can find that suggests role reversal or me turning into a domestic servant. That’s a different kink. We have a good marriage with a good balance in responsibilities. I can’t see any reason to change that unless there are things Mrs. Lion would like done differently. That’s the key. Nothing prevents her from asking what I think or how I feel, but she isn’t required to either ask or follow my suggestions. She is the decider when she wants to be.
If we turn our working relationship upside down to support domestic discipline, we will make a mess and quit very soon. This is something new to us, just as enforced chastity was a year ago. I wrote my idea of how to get started in “Your Man Wants Domestic Discipline.” It’s my view of a sensible approach to this practice. The main point is that we start small. We don’t put demands on Mrs. Lion to become a disciplinarian. We don’t require her to keep lists of infractions. That’s my job.
What we do is begin to train ourselves into this lifestyle. Mrs. Lion consciously observes my behavior and cites infractions as she sees them. These infractions are things I have forgotten, “requests” I didn’t obey, as well as other big and small ways I don’t conform to how Mrs. Lion wants me. When she spots one, she tells me and I note it. She will schedule punishment times when I present her with the list of infractions and she metes out my punishment. Simple with no lifestyle changes.
This is how we approach enforced chastity. We both learn at the same time. For example, it is highly unlikely I will get an unscheduled bonus orgasm no matter how horny I am. Mrs. Lion is now amused by my strong need for release. Six months ago, that wasn’t the case. We will continue to talk and write about how we are doing and we will learn how to integrate it into our lives. One thing we haven’t done yet is to decide how long it will be impossible to quit. When we will talk and decide to stop or continue. I propose December 31, 2015. It seems like a good date and it gives us almost ten months to test drive domestic discipline.