Month: February 2015 (Page 2)

Lion tends to jump into things with all four paws. It’s how he runs tasks at work and how he runs tasks at home. I don’t know why it surprises me when he does it, but it always does. When he buys a car he reads the manual so he knows every little detail about it. Then inundates me with those details. Did you know the blah blah is yada yada? Why no! I did not. He’s surprised that I don’t know things about my truck. I know where the fuel goes. I know when I stomp on the little pedal on the right it goes and when I need to stomp on the little pedal on the left it stops. When a light is on on the dashboard it may or may not be a bad thing. And that’s what I need to know. He did the same thing with chastity and he’s doing the it with domestic discipline.

Our dog is still young and she tends to barrel through the house. We call her the bulldozer because if anything is in the way she runs right through it. Lion is like that, except I liken him to a steamroller. When I’m trying to get my feet under me as we try new things, he comes past and just steamrolls me into something else. I’d like to be on solid ground before trying something new. However, since I’m never really comfortable in my ability to do things, I rarely feel like I’m on solid ground.

I know Lion is excited about domestic discipline. I am not. It will take a very long time before I don’t feel ridiculous for nitpicking every mistake he makes. It’s just not a big deal to me if he forgets to take his medicine. I know he needs to take it. I know there may be dire consequences if he misses enough doses. I’m not wishing him ill health. I’m more concerned with why he’s forgetting and how often he forgets. Is it a sign that something is wrong? Is his memory failing or is he just preoccupied? That’s why I pay attention when he forgets. I don’t care about punishing him for it. Similarly, if I give him a list of four things I want him to do and he does three of them I won’t be upset unless that last thing was the most important. How many times have you gone to the store for milk and walked out with everything but milk? It was the one thing you went for. I do that all the time so I’m not in the mindset to punish him for it. So when he tells me he forgot to do something and should he add it to the list, it’s too new for me to care if he adds it to the list or not. For that reason I’ve told him to add everything to the list and I will decide what punishment to give him on punishment day. And then he should probably remind me what days I set as punishment days because I’ve forgotten already.

As you know, I do have sparks of genius when it comes to punishments so I guess it’s just a matter of time until I get in the swing of things. I just need to get my bearings.

Speaking of genius, Lion is on one of his longest waits ever and I have decided to give him his every-other-day ruined orgasm. I edged him a few times last night and then took him just past the edge. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him writhing from a pseudo-orgasm. He said he hates ruined orgasms. Awww. Too bad. Then he told me ruined orgasms take the edge off. Maybe he won’t be so horny at the end of sixteen days. We’ll see, my pet.

Even before I decided to do the ruined orgasm experiment, I told him he can earn a no strings attached bonus orgasm when he gets a job. Last night (before the ruined orgasm) he said he sort of wants to wait the full sixteen days to see how it feels. I told him I could give him a reward coupon for the orgasm so he could have it whenever he wanted. He quickly backpedaled and said he would take the orgasm whenever it was offered. I don’t think he has to worry about seeing how long waits feel. There are a few more out there.

man on a leash
As Mrs. Lion aptly put it, I am on a leash and sometimes I pull her along.

Mrs. Lion posed the question: who’s training who? in her post yesterday. It’s a valid question. As she so aptly pointed out, I’m asking her to do things she never considered before I asked. I asked her lock me up in enforced chastity and to take general charge and administer domestic discipline. As she said, this isn’t the role she would have selected. Because she loves me, she agreed to take all this on. It took a full year for her to grow into her role as my keyholder. Just as that was running smoothly, I sprung domestic discipline on her.

I know Mrs. Lion dislikes change. It’s not easy for her to make changes. The changes I have asked her to make are particularly difficult. She has no experience or cultural models as examples. It’s not like she can go to work and ask her colleagues how many swats she should give me when I forget to take my medicine. She can’t ask if they have ideas on different punishments, or how long they make their men wait to ejaculate. Nope, that sort of conversation wouldn’t take place by the water cooler.

Who turns out to be her primary resource? Me. I’m training my own trainer. It seems counter intuitive, but in reality it’s probably not such a bad idea. For one thing, I have over thirty years in the power exchange world. I’ve taught many workshops on these very topics. But that isn’t the best reason. The best one is that I can’t help but reveal what will work best on me.

If she asks me about how I see things going, she will get not only my objective opinion, but also my dreams and fantasies. And, if she reads between the lines, she can see what I hope won’t happen. This is very instructive. For example, she knows I like the idea of spanking. I know she can spank incredibly hard. What she has not heard from me is that I think long, painful spankings with me unable to escape are a good way to discipline me. I would never choose that for myself.

I also omit ideas about control that I know would be horrible for me. For example (I sat here a long time before deciding I should type it), monitoring my weight and disciplining if I don’t lose what she expects. Yuck!! But, in fairness good for me. I’m not going any further. My point is that she can learn more from what I don’t say than from what I do.

I think that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to punish me in ways I really don’t like. The only example so far is that she made me wait a day longer for an infraction. I truly hated that. She hasn’t repeated it. I’m not saying that she is a wuss and only does things to me that I want. That’s completely unfair. She is learning. She’s starting from points that she knows we both can handle. I’ve been tugging at that leash for a while. She’s sensibly resisted moving too quickly. But she will have to move on her own and I will have to follow. It will be scary for both of us, but it is the right way to go.

Today I’ve been wondering who is training who. Yes, I locked Lion up. Yes, I agreed to make him wait for orgasms. Yes, I agreed to make rules and punish him if he breaks them. But who is really changing here?

Lion wants me to have the power. He wants me to keep him locked and unable to have any sexual satisfaction unless I give it to him. He wants me to tease him and deny him. He wants me to give him punishments and rewards. He’s been thinking about these things for years. He’s lusted after a sore bottom. True, he doesn’t really know how he’ll handle it when I start whomping on him when he forgets to do X. He may hate me for the few minutes it takes for me to whomp him. And the few hours it takes for the stinging to stop. But he wants it.

Here I am, minding my own business, and Lion asks if I will cage him and punish him. Why would I want him caged? Why would I want to punish him? Why would I want to be in charge? I hated punishing my kids. I didn’t much like being in charge at work. I was fine the way it was. Well, maybe not fine. We weren’t having any sex. Actually I was having all the sex I wanted. None. But Lion wasn’t having sex. He’s said in the past that he can stop being kinky if I don’t want to do it anymore. I think he knows that’s not true. He can’t just turn it off like that.

I would argue that even though he has had to get used to having Mr. Weenie locked away, I have done the most changing. And now we’re changing again. (Have I mentioned I hate change? It’s frustrating.) Now I am more in charge. He even wanted me to choose what we watched on tv last night. As long as it’s something we both like I don’t care what we watch. Nope. I had to choose. He realized he forgot to take his medicine again. He’s been preoccupied with his job search. I think it’s understandable to forget things. Nope. It had to go on the list so I can punish him for it.

Sometimes I think having more power is actually less powerful. I’m a slave to this rule or that rule or this expectation. I wonder how many people want to become president only to realize that the president doesn’t have nearly as much power as they thought. There are still rules you have to follow. I’m happy with my little life. I have no aspirations to be powerful.

I know a lot of these feelings are because domestic discipline is so new to us. Once we get going it will be less of a hassle. I hope.

woman spanking a man's bare bottom
While this is part of my wife led marriage, it is far from the only thing. I have learned that it is much hotter to imagine than to experience.

Mrs. Lion has written that sometimes she is my “wife” and takes care of me. In order to do that she has to step out of her role as domestic disciplinarian. Apparently she had the idea that if we are in a wife led marriage where she disciplines me as well as controls my ability to get sexual release, that she would somehow be stepping out of her role if she did things for me. That got me thinking about exactly what it really means to have a wife led marriage. Obviously, the change gives Mrs. Lion explicit permission to manage my behavior in any way she wishes. She has both the right and responsibility to discipline me as needed. Since we also practice enforced chastity, she controls any sexual pleasure I might have.

Does this mean that I am now an emasculated puppet and Mrs. Lion a bonbon-eating tyrant who uses me to satisfy her slightest whim? Does she keep me in frilly panties and make me wear a skirt at home? In fiction that is how my role is frequently described. In the BDSM world, many hot scenes look just like that. It can be an exciting fantasy for some, but is it a realistic lifestyle?

In my view, for either enforced chastity or domestic discipline/wife-led-marriage to work, it must fit in with a normal, healthy relationship. That sets up some real challenges for us. Enforced chastity  has been a way to push sex into the foreground of our marriage. Ironically, depriving me of sex has made us both more aware of it. It’s helped us regain intimacy and has forced us to find ways to improve our sex life.

At the moment WLM and domestic discipline are arousing ideas that I wanted to make real. Mrs. Lion, as always, agreed to do this for me. None of this comes naturally to either of us. I do believe that underneath my kinky carnal desire, there is a potential for serious goodness in doing this.

I am a leader by nature and profession. Mrs. Lion has never liked taking charge. On the most superficial level, WLM is a role reversal of sorts. Mrs. Lion has always done a great deal around the house. In fairness, I do too.  If I don’t do something it either goes undone or Mrs. Lion does it. In fairness, Mrs. Lion rarely sees the things I think need doing. Also, Mrs. Lion has taught herself to have few expectations.

We both need training. I need to learn to function in an environment where I am not in control. I have to learn to accept rather than initiate. I need to feel the consequences of willfulness and failing to follow through. I want to be a better husband. I also want to indulge my kink for discipline.

Mrs. Lion, if she is observing my compliance and disciplining me for not meeting the mark, will become more aware of what is happening around her. She will learn to see things that need doing. Whether she decides to deal with it or assign it to me, she will be far more active as my wife. By expecting me to do things (even if they are things I would do anyway), she will learn to have expectations of me. While my butt will get sore, she will get stronger and more entitled. That’s a very good thing.

That’s my vision. I don’t really expect things to change a lot, at least in the near future. Like enforced chastity, WLM will raise our awareness and force us to work together to get things done. As Mrs. Lion said in her post yesterday, she doesn’t feel the need to make me wait to come or to discipline me for things I miss. She pointed out that she often forgets to do things herself. Of course, that’s my point. For very different reasons we are prone to let things slip. When we finally do get around to taking care of things, we both love the results.

Maybe these concepts, enforced chastity and domestic discipline, will help us continue to grow and make our lives better. I know it won’t be easy for either of us. We both have to learn more new things. Time will tell if this new adventure will fit us and our world.