Last week I mentioned that sometimes I just want to be a wife instead of a top. I know I’m always Lion’s wife. What I meant was, sometimes I don’t want to think about the chastity or discipline aspects of things. Sometimes I want to give Lion an orgasm because I want to, not because the calendar says so. Conversely, I never want to give Lion a spanking because I want to. I never want to edge him because I want to. I never want to shove a butt plug in him because I want to. I don’t think I will ever independently want to do those things.
Last night my poor Lion was in a lot of pain. We think it had something to do with a new medication he started recently. If it had been a play night or an orgasm night, there’s no way he was in any shape to play. I would have postponed it and we would have picked it up tonight. At one point I said I was sorry he was in pain. He said I only want him to be in pain when I want him to be in pain. All I could say was “ok”. I know what he meant. I also know that I never really want him to be in pain. Ever. That’s the wife part of me talking. The top part of me doesn’t mind the kind of pain he wants to be in. That part of me thinks it’s somewhat amusing when he says something hurts. That part of me thinks “you asked for it, you silly Lion.” The wife part of me wishes I could have taken the pain he had last night and endured it myself. Anything to keep it from hurting him.
So I guess I’m developing a split personality of sorts. I think Lion assumes he’s talking to the top more often than he is. I’ll have to work on that.