Taking Stock

Last night, Mrs. Lion continued her daily punishment sessions. This time she used a heavy wooden spoon. It wasn’t as painful as the bloodwood paddle, but hurt nonetheless. I am getting her point. I think these daily sessions are good for her. She still hesitates to do more than a few swats. Last night she was up to six. I’m not sure exactly why she doesn’t go further (and in a real way I am happy she doesn’t), but I suspect it has to do with the fact that she knows she is hurting me in a way I don’t find fun. The daily sessions will, hopefully, desensitize her to that. I’m not looking for more pain, but I recognize that real punishments have to strongly make there point. I also have to learn to hold still for my punishment. I have to admit I try to get away after only a very few strokes.

Last night was tease night too. Actually, she had planned on teasing me Saturday night, but her stomach was bothering her, so she moved it to last night. As usual, it was very exciting and I dearly wished for an orgasm that never came. She reminded me that she was done with ruined orgasms and that I won’t be having a real one before March 21. That’s five long days away.

I’ve been trying to understand a little more about why I want all this. I truly want an orgasm now. But yet I asked her to make me wait. I also asked her to take more authority and use domestic discipline on me. I can see a lot of the discipline angle comes from a childhood with virtually no parental supervision. I think that feeling authority provides me with a sort of security. Sexually, I have always found losing control to be arousing.

I haven’t pushed Mrs. Lion to make me wait longer and longer. I have asked her to make the decisions on her own. I don’t feel any competitive desire to exceed my personal “best” in waits to come.  On the other hand, I do feel a need to have her spank me much more thoroughly. It isn’t because that will be more of a turn on before and after the event. I think it is because it will unmistakably send me the message that I am truly not in control. I recognize that I probably won’t “volunteer” for more severe spankings and will need to be restrained. I just want to feel genuine need to avoid the next one. Go figure!

These kinks are complex; born of a lifetime of experiences. I’m very lucky that I get the chance to experience them. I also realize that how I want to experience all this isn’t up to me. That brings me to something else we have been doing: Mrs. Lion has scheduled my orgasms and let’s me know when my next one will be. Originally, I thought this was a good idea for two reasons: One, it would allow her to extend my wait, or for that matter, reduce it, depending on my behavior. And, two, it would help her learn to plan my orgasms rather than reacting to the moment and giving me “bonuses” too often.

As for the second, I think the schedule has been a useful learning exercise for Mrs. Lion and it does give me a firm date to anticipate. I do like that. She has only changed the date once, so having the fixed date for disciplinary purposes doesn’t seem to be something she wants to do. At this point, I am sure that she no longer will easily succumb to my massive need to come, and can stick to a date whether it is scheduled or not.

I can’t think of a strong argument for scheduled vs. unscheduled orgasms. The biggest plus for the unscheduled ones is that I never know if this time I am just being edged or will be allowed to come. There is that element of suspense. I think it really comes down to Mrs. Lion’s preference; as it rightly should.

The same is true of punishment. Mrs. Lion has lots of options. She has chosen spanking. I suspect she picked it because she knows that in a play context I like to be spanked. It’s a punishment she knows won’t hurt me in unexpected ways. I think it is effective and I truly hate punishment spankings. So, I guess it makes sense that she focuses on it.

We are just learning the ropes of Female Led Relationships. We are both comfortable with enforced chastity and unlikely to stop my orgasm control with or without a device. Domestic discipline is another matter. We are just putting our toes, well her toes, my butt, in the water. We both have a great deal to learn.

One thing our recent upset has taught me is that regardless of relationship issues, the enforced chastity will continue. Of course, we are completely in love with one another. That always helps a lot. This week of punishments is working for both of us. They remind me that I have to be much better at communicating when I feel upset. I am getting that message. They are also desensitizing Mrs. Lion so she can properly punish me. Another win-win for the lions.

One comment on “Taking Stock
  1. I like both scheduled and unscheduled. Unscheduled for the reason you name: I am always hopeful that this might be the time. Scheduled for the opposite: I have no hope until the date.

    But for us, Jalan never moves the date up once she declares one, so the hopelessness. She might want to delay it, which is why it’s usually phrased something like, “at least x days/weeks.” So there’s no promise.

    She has some preference for unscheduled for related reasons. Scheduling take the control out of her ahem hands for the time until the date. She doesn’t like restricting her own options. She still does it sometimes because she likes the way the two systems have different effects on me.

    But we also don’t have a routine reward/punishment system in our D/s like you do, so that puts a spin on the differences in how you and I respond to the fixed dates.

What do you think?