I Will Do It

Mrs. Lion and I have been working to integrate FLR^* into our lives. In a lot of ways it doesn’t really make a lot of sense. Mrs. Lion does not like to take charge. I, on the other hand, have been a manager and leader my entire life. It would appear that the last thing I would want would be enforced chastity or FLR. But here I am locked in a chastity device for more than a year and starting a FLR including domestic discipline. To someone who knows us well, this would seem absurd. Mrs. Lion can’t understand why I want any of this. But I do.

It’s true I have enjoyed BDSM play sessions where I bottom and get spanked. But I have never shown any sign of wanting to surrender control of my sexuality or my life. Yes, I have had a long flirtation with enforced chastity, but never wore a device for more than a couple of days. I’ve never asked anyone to have authority over me. It’s way easier to understand why I want enforced chastity: it’s sexy and kinky and ends up with me having teasing and sex. The surrender comes with nice rewards. But what’s with FLR? There are no orgasms involved. I give up real control and allow my lioness to rule the den, and for that matter, me.

OK, you might say that I do get spanked and I always loved spankings. My first disciplinary spanking made it clear that there is absolutely nothing sexy or fun about domestic discipline. If you want to know why, take a look at our page on that subject. I may have had some idea that disciplinary spanking would feed my kink. It absolutely doesn’t. It’s pure pain. I don’t like pain that much. I think that Mrs. Lion figured that once I got a taste of FLR and domestic discipline, I would want to stop. She had the same thought about enforced chastity. We’re going strong over a year now and neither of us wants to quit.

Of course, we are past the point where I can back out of enforced chastity. It’s true we agreed that we would review our commitment to it next March, but at this point we both agreed it’s too late for me to back out. FLR has no escape clause. I was very sure when we started that in this case I would want to back out when I felt too controlled. You could see this behavior after Mrs. Lion proposed giving me housework chore lists. When I read her post about it, I pitched a mini-fit. She ended up feeling terrible that she proposed such a thing.

After reflection, I realized that her plan made perfect sense in the context of FLR. Of course she could make me to-do lists. She could punish me for not completing chores or doing them improperly. I didn’t realize how fragile her authority is right now. She is at least as uncertain about her role as I am about mine. My gut reaction was to pull back and say, “No Way!” If her self confidence were better, she would have said, “Too bad. That’s how it’s going to be from now on.” But she didn’t. She just felt bad that she made me unhappy.

My reaction to something I don’t like is to push back. Mrs. Lion’s is to withdraw. I screwed up. After all, this was my idea. I know how easy it is for Mrs. Lion to feel bad. Now I feel horrible. I hurt her for doing something I asked her to do. I was thoughtless and inconsiderate. I’m just no damn good at accepting. If it isn’t my idea, I don’t want to do it. This clearly has to change. It’s really unfair of me to expect Mrs. Lion to make the changes and grow an instant thick skin. I have to take responsibility for my reactions. Yes, I quickly backed down, but not before hurting my sweet lioness. On Thursday night I expect I will get a particularly long and painful spanking for this transgression. I deserve it.

I am committed to doing the best job I can. I can’t promise that I will never react negatively to new control. I do acknowledge that I have absolutely no right to react that way. The only acceptable answer for me is, “Yes Ma’am.” That’s going to take a lot of whacks on my  butt to make it happen consistently.

Mrs. Lion and I have some immediate changes to make. They are essentially identical. We both have to become more consistently aware of our places. I have to remember that she is in charge and I have no right to object to any decision she makes. She has to remember that she is the boss and that any negative response from me should earn me swift retribution. Yes, she can ask for my input. I can even ask if I can give my opinion. But in every sense, she makes the choices for me and doesn’t need my input to require anything from me.

If you remove the submissive and fantasy trappings of FLR, it all comes down to my complete surrender. I have to realize that I totally depend on Mrs. Lion to be fair. I have no vote. I know that, but I am very sure it hasn’t really sunk in very deep. Her firm response to my forgetting my place is what I need to learn to be her properly submissive lion. One thing I know for sure. No matter how hard it is and how much it hurts, I will keep trying. We will only stop if Mrs. Lion decides it won’t work for us.

^* FLR — Female Led Relationship also known as Wife Led Marriage.