One of the very best things about the Internet is the ability for anyone to write a blog. One of those blogs put up a post that ostensibly talked about parenting and . But the subtext was something I have been thinking about for a while: Just what did I sign up to do when we initiated FLR. So many of the fantasy-based sites are crystal clear that the male partner has to assume all the chores — cleaning, laundry, cooking, child care — while the woman relaxes and eats bon bons. Some guys may have this fantasy. I certainly don’t. The post I referenced worried about how the children would perceive their father since he is the go-to person for fetching juice, etc., while mom is who you ask for permission to do things. Fair issue. Of course, Mrs. Lion and I have no children at home, so we don’t have to worry about that.
Another important point was that being the dominant partner is hard work. She has to assign work to her mate, check the quality, and administer discipline as needed. In addition, she feels responsible for any resistance he gives her. I sympathize. I had a full-time submissive for a decade. It was exhausting to have to manage two lives instead of just my own. I learned a lot. So, I set out in true lion style to clarify exactly what will help FLR work without burning out the top. Here goes:
- Recognize the relationship is still a partnership. Just because you both decide to start FLR, it doesn’t mean that the female partner now owns all of the issues and worries. It also doesn’t mean that the male partner becomes the full-time servant of his wife. Both people have to continue cooperating on everything from menial tasks to major life decisions. What has changed is that the wife now has the final word on any matter. She also has the right and obligation to assure her male is well behaved, does assigned tasks correctly, and most important, takes the initiative to make life easier for both of them.
- Understand that having power does not mean retirement from housework. The fantasy is that the submissive male becomes some sort of household maid for his wife. As part of a weekend scene that is a sexy, humiliating D/S activity. But for a long term power exchange it is almost a guarantee of failure. But, you may say, what if we both want that? In that case, go for it. But go for it in the same way you would approach enforced chastity: ease into it. Start by delegating a few things that, to him, symbolize his subservience. Maybe have him give you pedicures, massages, and wash your undies by hand. Whatever rings his bell. Just recognize that these things are a way of bringing his submissive fantasies to life, not real FLR. Real FLR is sharing work. It’s making the best use of each other’s time and skills. It’s a relationship and a partnership.
- FLR can make a good relationship better, but will not fix a bad one. Too many people attempt FLR as a fix for relationship issues. FLR won’t work unless both people completely trust one another. Any lack of trust will create bad feelings and suspicion. An abusive husband won’t turn into a lamb because he wants or agrees to FLR. A lazy man won’t get energetic because he agrees to get spanked if he fails to please. He’ll get lots of spankings, but will end up resenting the process and the relationship will deteriorate further. It’s just the same with enforced chastity. A chastity device doesn’t turn a cheater into a choir boy. It just makes things more difficult. It doesn’t cure the underlying problems. So, if there are any significant issues between you, don’t try FLR.
- Don’t include non-consenting parties in your FLR. Too many people are so proud of their new-found power exchange that they want to share it with the world. Children, family, friends, and colleagues almost certainly won’t benefit from any sharing about your power exchange. Be discreet.
- FLR is consensual. Both of you have to consent to what you are doing. Never, ever accept a submissive partner saying, “I will do anything you want.” If he does, tell him you are going to make an appointment to have him castrated. Well, you did say “anything”. The point is that FLR is custom-built for each couple. It has to come from both of you. Set aside regular time to talk as equals. Discuss FLR and what works and what doesn’t. Build a mutually agreed plan of action. Some people go so far as to create a FLR contract that spells out exactly what the power exchange means. If, for example, he smokes and you hate it. Unless he consents to you managing his smoking cessation, don’t try. Some women take what their men tell them literally. “He said I control everything, right?” Wrong.
FLR is dynamic. Over time, the woman’s control will naturally broaden. It takes time for any of us to adapt to a new way of doing things. Neither man nor wife is ready on the first day to have the power exchange they will have a year later.
These five rules are a good starting point, I think. Of course, the dominant partner has the power to “push” things along a bit. At the regular meetings as equals, she has the opportunity to say, “I want to start running ___”. If he’s smart, he will ask exactly what that means. If he isn’t, tell him. Both of you understand that you grow under FLR just as you grow under enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion and I are having our growing pains, but I feel that we have made progress.