As I’m sure you can guess, I have issues with being in charge. Generally I hate to make decisions. When I flat out don’t care about the decision I really hate it. When it feels like I’ll be disappointing Lion or if I’m not being listened to I absolutely hate it. The Pizza Hut fiasco was actually a Murphy’s Law kind of thing. And it all could have been avoided if I would just grow a pair and put my foot down. Sounds easy, right?
Um, no. I want Lion to be happy. I don’t care so much about me being happy. But sometimes it feels like he’s jumping up and down on my last nerve. Decide. Decide. Decide. From his point of view he’s just asking a question and is waiting for an answer. If I ask him for his opinion he’ll say it’s my decision. It’s all up to me. I’m in charge. What I say goes. When I feel pressured to make a decision, reminding me that I’m in charge is probably not the best thing to do. The “logical” thing to do is to punish him for putting me in that position. My logic doesn’t work that way though. My logic says “make a decision, any decision and then he’ll leave you alone.” So then we wind up at Pizza Hut and everything went spiraling out of control.
Lion admitted last night that he doesn’t make things easy for me. Not on purpose, of course. He’s unaccustomed to being in a non-power position. It’s difficult for him to relinquish control. I’m unaccustomed to being in a power position. It’s difficult for me to take control. So here we are, butting heads because he’s trying to give me control that he doesn’t really want to let go and I don’t really want to take. We’re quite a pair. I feel like the new hire who just got promoted over the veteran who knows all the answers. I don’t know what I’m doing or how I wound up with this job and the veteran resents me because he’s been in line for that job for years. Any time I assert my authority the veteran naturally pushes back. I can either be an ass and assign the veteran the menial tasks as punishment, or learn to work with the veteran. Guess which one I’d be more likely to do.
I don’t have an answer. Well, I do. I just don’t think I can do it right now. The answer is for me to grow a pair. That’s not going to happen quickly. At least not all at once.