Paradox

It’s interesting that enforced male chastity is something that comes almost exclusively from the men who want to lose the ability to control their penises. Some people came up with the erroneous theory that men want this because they don’t trust their own sexuality; they are compulsive cheaters or masturbators. I don’t fit into either category, nor do the others I know who are similarly locked up. We also aren’t sexually dysfunctional and use locking up as an excuse for our inability to perform. As far as I can tell, we are completely sexually normal. We are capable of enjoying sex with our chosen partners. I don’t think enforced chastity is about sex at all.

Look at the archetypical fantasy. A man is presented with an ultimatum by his partner. Wear this device if you want to be with me. I will let you orgasm when I think you should. You may never have an orgasm again. The actual fantasies are much more elaborate, but they all have one crucial theme: the man loses the ability to have sexual release on his own. His keyholder controls his ability to get erect and have an orgasm. He has no control at all.

As fantasies go, this is a variant of the classic power surrender dream that a majority of men enjoy. It may not be about penile control, but it generally includes some form of helplessness to a sexually attractive person. Most of these fantasies are about being tied to a bed, a tree, or something else that makes them naked and vulnerable. The dominant partner then has her/his way with him. He is forced to ejaculate, etc., etc. These typical dreams have fixed duration. He is tied up for an evening, weekend, afternoon, or some other very limited amount of time. The chastity fantasy, on the other hand, stretches over long periods of time; days, weeks,  years, a lifetime.

I always had the “getting tied up” fantasies. The concept of enforced chastity was unknown to me until the early 1990’s when I stumbled across early websites that featured chastity fantasies as well as information about real devices. I got hard every time I thought about being locked up. That, of course, is the paradox. I got aroused thinking about being prevented from getting aroused. I would masturbate imagining I was unable to masturbate. The oddness of this occurred to me at the time and to this day causes me to shake my head in puzzlement.

There is one thing very different about the enforced chastity fantasy: it’s easy to make it come true. You can, if you try hard enough, make the getting-tied-to-the-bed fantasy come true too, but only on a very limited basis. Even without a partner, you can get a chastity device and be prevented from arousal and orgasm. True, it is much more fun with a keyholder, but the majority of chastity device buyers make due without one.

In a lot of cases, when a guy finally gets up the courage and finds a willing partner, the reality of bringing the fantasy to life turns out to be a lot less interesting in real life. This is true of enforced chastity as well. A very large majority of people who try it, give it up shortly after starting. It just doesn’t work for them.

The classic enforced chastity fantasy includes more than sexual deprivation. It also includes having to service the keyholder without any hope of reciprocation, teasing without orgasm, and having to obey the keyholder at all times. There are endless variants, but pretty much all fantasies include one or more of these elements. The interesting difference between turning an enforced chastity fantasy into reality and making the classic bondage/submissive fantasy work is that the latter has no real reward for the top/dominant. The fantasy is all about her doing things to him. He’s tied up so he can’t do anything for her.

The chastity fantasy includes its own kind of bondage (I’m wearing it now). But that bondage doesn’t prevent him from being active. Actually, it’s supposed to be an incentive to be more active; whether pussy licking or vacuuming the rug. While still not exactly offering the dominant partner a true incentive to do this, it does offer some appealing possibilities. Our blog narrates our progress making my chastity bondage a permanent, working part of our marriage.

Enforced chastity is truly perverse. We find the idea of being locked up extremely arousing, yet when we get what turns us on, we lose the ability to be aroused or find release. It’s a human paradox that some of us find being restrained from experiencing something makes us want what we lose even more.  This paradox makes us easy prey for our keyholders. They can happily manipulate our desperation for release to further increase our arousal at being prevented from getting that release. Sometimes I really hate that! Most of the time I can’t believe how hot it all is.

What do you think?