Yesterday I wrote about sex without orgasm. I am being edged every night and the effect is profound. I love the activity in a masochistic way. Each time my lioness begins, I figure this is it. Then it isn’t. I breathe in loud pants and groan internally. I’ve heard that continued teasing this way will result in being my expected norm for sex. Orgasm will no longer be the goal. Statistically, this actually makes sense. I am edged at least 25 times for each full orgasm I experience. So, I am being conditioned to expect getting hard and massively aroused as the extent of sex for me. I think a lot of women are conditioned that way too. Since many women have difficulty achieving orgasm, arousal is their norm. They say they like it and appear happy for the experience.
I’m starting to understand that feeling. Males are conditioned from the first time they play with their little weenies that arousal always leads to orgasm. Until we began enforced chastity, that was the case for me. But now, aside from keeping me very interested in sexual attention, repeated edging us training me to accept arousal without orgasm as a satisfying sexual experience. I am slowly learning that orgasm for me is a rare treat and not at all necessary for me to have a rich sex life. Sound familiar? It does to me. I’ve heard and read countless women say that about sex. “Orgasm isn’t necessary. I just love how it feels to be close to you.” Now I hear myself saying similar words.
The battle for sexual equality in the bedroom was particularly strong in the late 60’s and 70’s. Women called for equal orgasms with men. It was no longer acceptable for a man to penetrate, ejaculate, and roll over and go to sleep. She needed hers too. Since then, we males understand that our women need orgasms, not just arousal. We make sure they get them when they want them. Those of us in enforced male chastity are experiencing a sexual role reversal. Now we are learning to accept non-orgasmic sex as our norm; just like women in the 50’s.
It isn’t as though we are being dragged kicking and screaming into this non-orgasmic desert. We beg for it. Actually it is a bit different than the 50’s female experience. Many women then never experienced an orgasm. They believed that sex was just arousal without a grand finale. They heard about orgasms, but believed such things were myths. Thanks to Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, women learned that they were supposed to have orgasms just like men. It’s supreme irony that we are learning that we don’t get orgasms just because we have sex. We only get them when our partners think we should have them.
My male mind always believed that no sex was the same as no orgasms. I never had the frustrating “cock tease” experiences many teenage boys experience. I went to an all boys school and didn’t start to date until I was in college. The only sex I knew was masturbation, so dating wasn’t particularly frustrating. Once I lost my virginity, my attitude toward sex and orgasm was the same as other males.
Here I am much later in life learning that I can have exciting sex without ejaculating. From what I have been reading, I could end up not wanting that final squirt. I doubt that, but we’ll see. One of the interesting comments yesterday mirrored my feelings. Paul wrote:
“I have been thinking lately about why I prefer not to be released! I celebrated my birthday last weekend and I had been locked for about three months with no release.
My wife unlocked me and I had a shower. We then had sex where as usual I satisfied her first and then was allowed to have intercourse with her. Being so long since my last orgasm it was over almost instantly I entered her!
We both fell into a blissful sleep which was lovely but the next day I felt deflated!
She knows this and so it will probably be sometime before I receive another release but I now feel I prefer not being released!“
I still can’t internalize that. It makes sense on one level, but my primal need remains. It seems that Paul and others who feel this way have learned to value the buildup much more than the finale. At this point I don’t want that to happen to me. I can see that I am making some of the changes that Paul and others have made. Knowing full well that I won’t get an orgasm, I still look forward to Mrs. Lion’s hands as much as I used to look forward to that opportunity to ejaculate. For me, at least, it’s not that I don’t want or am indifferent to the orgasm. It’s just that after the edging is done I don’t feel cheated. I feel that I have had a very good sexual experience that brings me closer to my lioness.
If, for example, tonight she said that she would be teasing me every day for another week but would not let me come, I would be a little disappointed but would truly look forward to the daily teasing. Six months ago I would pout and feel hurt that I had to wait so much longer. I think this is why I used to be grumpy on my sixth day of waiting and I don’t anymore. As long as she unlocks me and plays with my penis I am happy with the attention.
Having said that, a little voice inside me is saying, “Wait! You really need to come.” It’s true. I do. Like Paul, I have no bad side effects after I ejaculate. In fact, just like him, I am ready the next day with nearly as much arousal as I was after a long wait. So there is no penalty for coming. Do I want to wait longer? No, I don’t. Can I? Yes, without a doubt. Do I want to see how long I can go without coming? Nope. Well what do I want? I think I want to be told it will be “at least x days until you have a chance to come,” or “This could be the night,” and it isn’t.
I hate to admit it, but I like the tease. I am getting to like thinking that this time she is going to keep going and I will get to come. I can just tell. She is speeding up! Yes, yes just a few more strokes! She did say this could be it. Oh no! She stopped.